


Falling for Fawley

by standoutme



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Discussion of Abortion, F/F, F/M, First War with Voldemort, M/M, Other, Romance, Ships are all over the place, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-18
Updated: 2020-08-18
Packaged: 2020-09-06 23:26:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 35
Words: 71,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20299675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/standoutme/pseuds/standoutme
Summary: Aurelia had been falling for James Potter long before he crashed into her that Wednesday morning in April. The problem was, he was madly in love with someone else. Either way, her elitist pureblood family would never approve. And oh, she might as well be invisible; particularly to tall, handsome boys with messy dark hair.





	1. Crash

Aurelia had been falling for James Potter long before he crashed into her that Wednesday morning in April. The problem was, he was crazy about someone else. And either way, her pureblood family would never approve. And oh, she might as well be invisible, particularly to tall, handsome boys with messy dark hair. 

Aurelia Fawley had been born into an odd family, to say the least. Her father, Charles Nicholas Fawley, was a Hufflepuff, and the son of the former minister for magic, Hector Fawley. Her mother, Ambrosia Fawley née Malfoy, twin sister of Abraxas Malfoy, was the embodiment of Slytherin. Yet the odd pair seemed to get along better than any other couple she knew of. While they disagreed on most things, they always came to an agreement in the end, and Aurelia had actually never seen them argue. Her older brother was a lot like their mother, a Slytherin with a ridiculous amount of pride of his blood status, and spent most of his time with their cousin Lucius. Thankfully, Augustus wasn’t a student at Hogwarts anymore, nor was Lucius, and so she had a place for herself, a place where she didn’t have to worry about her family’s concerns about her. 

See, Ambrosia was very concerned with her daughter’s marriage prospects. If left solely up to her mother, Aurelia was to be married into another powerful pureblood family. Naturally, August agreed on this, but the thought of her brother trying to have a say in who she married infuriated her. Her father on the other hand, Mr. Fawley, could still not stand the thought of any man touching his daughter, and so her mother had agreed that they wouldn’t promise her to a Black, a Lestrange, or even her vile cousin for that matter. They would let her marry out of love, when she was old enough… to a pureblood wizard of whom they approved (which didn’t leave much of a choice in all honesty).

What her parents were completely unaware of was that they had absolutely nothing to worry about. Aurelia was just as well as invisible, particularly to boys. Her complexion was so fair it freckled at the first glimpse of sun in spring, and her white blonde hair fell flat over her shoulders, without the slightest wave or sign of life in it. To her dismay, she had inherited her mother’s skinny form, and her dull greyish blue eyes. And if you ever took the time to really look at her, you would see a Malfoy rather than a Fawley. Thankfully, no one ever did seem to take that close of a look. Perhaps that was because her eyes were always glued to the floor, or because her nose was stuck in a book. Perhaps it was because she didn’t want to be seen, because she’d much rather be invisible than being mocked, or pursued by one of those smug Slytherin boys. 

Either way, there was only one boy Aurelia had eyes for. With his tall frame, dark hair and boyish grin, he was positively the most handsome boy she’d ever seen. Just thinking about him now made the sixteen-year old Hufflepuff’s heart skip a beat, as she hurried down the stairs to make it to divination on time. He was a brilliant wizard, yet people seemed to go unaware of that due to his mischievous nature. He was… He was…

\---

He was running straight into her. She fell back on the floor, books spread out around her, and pale arms grazing against the cold stone floor. But just as soon as he had managed to knock her down, he offered her a hand in the most exaggerated gentlemanly gesture. 

“Merlin! My apologies, I didn’t see you there.” He pulled her to her feet before running his hand through his hair, making it even messier than before. She was just about to tell him not to worry about it as people rarely did, when another Gryffindor caught up to him.

“Forgive my friend, Fawley. He has no grace. I swear he was raised by trolls.” To her surprise, Sirius Black began picking her books up from the floor. The fact that he remembered her name was surprising enough, but picking up her books for her, that was a miracle in its own right.

“Oh shut it, Snuffles, you love my parents!” James ruffled his friend’s hair, and immediately, Sirius’ attention was shifted to the black mess on the top of his head. They seemed to have very different preference in hairstyles, that was for sure.

“Fawley, was it?” 

“Aurelia,” she responded with a small nod. James Potter had just asked for her name, and while she wanted to pinch herself to make sure she wasn’t dreaming, she resisted the urge in order not to look like even more of an idiot than she already did.

“Well, it’s nice to meet you, Lia. Can you find it in your heart to forgive my carelessness? I just couldn’t bare having a pretty witch like you despise me.”

Shit. He had called her pretty. He had given her a bloody pet name, and a nice one at that. Was that… was he flirting with her? Sure, in all fairness he was flirty most of the time, but with her? Surely, she was overthinking it. He was like that with all girls, and she knew that for a fact. 

“I’m inclined to agree, he already has one too many of those,” Sirius explained, grinning at his friend, who wasn’t slow to punch him on the arm for making such a remark. And Aurelia knew exactly to whom he was referring. Lily Evans was on the top of the list of reasons why being in love with James Potter was pure stupidity. He was borderline obsessed with that girl, and for valid reasons as well. Lily was stunning, not even her blood-purist cousin would be able to deny that. And the girl was a genius. Aurelia wouldn’t be surprised if one day, Lily Evans became minister for magic.

“Well, can you? Forgive me?” Those bewitching hazel eyes were gazing right into hers, and a weak “I guess,” was all she could muster without melting on the spot. 

“Brilliant! See you around, Lia!” 

With a quick apologetic smile coming from Sirius, the both of them disappeared up the stairs, filling them with laughter. For a moment, she wondered what it must be like to have a friendship like theirs. To be that close to someone. To anyone, really. It was all she had ever wanted. If you didn’t count the troublemaking Gryffindor chaser. She wanted him, too.


	2. Knight

The Easter holidays had approached. Some of the younger students had taken the Hogwarts Express back home for the week, and while Aurelia didn’t really have any friends to spend all her sudden free time with, she wasn’t fond of the idea of spending a full week with her parents either. And she certainly wasn’t fond of the idea of Easter dinner at Malfoy Manor, listening to her uncle’s nagging about how inappropriate it was for a pureblood girl such as herself not to be betrothed at her age. Because Merlin knows what could happen at Hogwarts, and what mudbloods she might affiliate with there. If Aurelia’s mother was conservative, there were no words to describe Abraxas Malfoy. He had even suggested a marriage between Aurelia and Lucius, and the mere thought of it was so appalling that she felt sick to her stomach. In many ways, Lucius was like a brother to her. Granted, an absolutely terrible one, but still, like a brother. Perhaps it was because they were pretty much raised together, or because of their awfully similar appearances. Their parents being twins was cause for everything, and the fact that her uncle would even consider such a union was monstrous. Thankfully, Aurelia’s father was on her side. He always had been. And no matter who her mother had suggested (Rabastan, Mulciber, Regulus, Avery), he never approved. Despite the fact that her father himself was happy in an arranged marriage, he would not force his daughter into one, which often left him in quite a quarrel with the Malfoys.

So, rather than going home, or going to Wiltshire, Aurelia stayed at Hogwarts for the Easter holidays. She had always found it strange, staying at Hogwarts during the holidays. While some students always remained there, it was still empty in a sense. The corridors were mostly silent, as there were no students rushing to class, and the common rooms often hosted several parties – none of which Aurelia attended, of course. She spent most of her time avoiding that kind of social interaction. This was also the reason why she got up so early in the mornings, before first light. She didn’t mind waking up early, and having the great hall all to herself for breakfast was a small pleasure in long days of uneasiness.

“Well, well. If it isn’t my favourite little Hufflepuff. What a lucky coincidence.” Aurelia froze as another person spoke in the otherwise completely empty corridor. She recognized the low voice all too well, and it seemed like perhaps she had headed out for breakfast too early, as the drunk boy indicated that last night’s party was barely over. 

“It’s six in the morning, Rabastan. Perhaps you should head back to the dungeons before Slughorn finds you in this state.” 

“I don’t take orders from him, nor you. I’d much rather stay here with you than going back there.” He was slowly walking towards her, determined steps swaying from his obvious intoxication, and she simply couldn’t move. In theory, running or raising her wand at him, might’ve been an option, but Aurelia couldn’t bring herself to do either. 

“I’m going to have breakfast,” she managed to reply, taking a few elusive steps back in hope that he would just give up and go to bed. Being Rabastan Lestrange, though, of course he didn’t give up. He never did. 

“Won’t you stay for dessert instead?” He asked with a smug grin glued to his lips, as he closed the distance between them, and conveniently for him, the distance between her and the brick wall as well. 

Most girls would jump at a chance with Rabastan Lestrange, and while there was no denying that he was attractive, Aurelia did not. Rabastan was a seventh year Slytherin, two years her senior, and her mother’s favourite choice as to who she ought to marry. And even though there had been a time when she had considered it, Aurelia had no intentions of marrying him. 

“Not today, Rabastan. I really should get to the great hall,” she mumbled, looking away from those brown eyes that had been staring into her own for too long. His breath smelled of firewhiskey as it hit her face where she stood, way too close for comfort. 

“I think you ought to rethink my proposal, Fawley. Just think about it. We could be good together. We were damn good together, weren’t we?”

Aurelia tried her hardest to find the words to say, without any success. They had been anything but good together. It was two years ago now, and back then, she had been a completely different person, defined by ignorance and insecurity. Back then, she was certain that if her mother said so, and all the girls at Hogwarts pined for him, then she was lucky to catch his attention. So, for a whole summer, she had played the role of the good pureblood daughter, the good pureblood girlfriend. For a whole summer, she had taken his insults and critique, without a word. And it was because of that stupidity that she found herself in this situation now, pinned between a drunk Rabastan and a wall, with no way to escape. 

Shaking her head lightly, she turned her watering gaze back up to meet his.

“I told you Rabastan. I don’t want to marry you, not now. Not ever.” 

“And just who do you think you are? You can’t refuse me. I have the support of your mother, your uncle, Lucius and Augustus. Hell, even the Dark Lord himself.” 

Aurelia found herself shivering as his hand touched her waist and moved down along her side. Perhaps it was because he was pressed so close to her, claiming her… or perhaps it was because of how he so lightly had mentioned Augustus and Lucius in the same sentence as Lord Voldemort. As his lips started tracking her neck, she reached down her pocket for her wand, but was stopped by a firm grip around her wrist.

“Please Rabastan, just leave me alone.”

“I’ve missed you, Aria. That’s all.” He mumbled, in a much softer tone, pressing his firewhiskey-tasting lips on hers. She wanted to scream at him, push him away, curse him, yet once again, she couldn’t move. 

“Oi, Lestrange! Can’t get a girl to snog you willingly? Now that’s a new level of pathetic, wouldn’t you say? Levicorpus!” 

James Potter did not seem like the ‘white knight’ kind of lad, yet there he was, cursing a seventh year Slytherin… for her. It was absurd, surreal even. Out of all the students at Hogwarts, he was the one who had showed up just then. He was the one who had helped her.

“Merlin, are you alright?” He asked, carefully placing a hand on her back and leading her away from the furious Slytherin who was still hanging upside down from the roof.

“I’m fine,” she mumbled in response, throwing a glance back at Rabastan, trying not to think of what consequences not helping him would have. 

“Thanks,” she added, looking up at the tall, tense boy who was walking beside her.

“Don’t mention it. What was that anyway?”

“That… was a marriage proposal.” 

“What?! But you’re only… What are you, fifteen? Are you two.... Together?” The seventeen-year-old looked as though he had seen a ghost, and two things were made clear to her in that moment. Firstly, James Potter hadn’t had to think about marriage and betrothals yet, meaning that he came from a very rare pureblood family. Secondly, he was clearly not sober, and had probably not been heading to breakfast as he found her minutes ago. 

“Sixteen... and gods no! I suppose it’s political, well somewhat at least. It’s… it’s a long story,” she mumbled, not sure how to explain the complex situation that was her family’s expectations of her. She wasn’t even sure she wanted to explain it, particularly to him. She didn’t want him to think that she was anything like them. 

They stopped outside the entrance of the great hall, which still seemed to be empty, and there was a lingering silence which you rarely got at Hogwarts. For a moment, they both simply stood there, looking at each other. It was the kind of situation Aurelia would normally try to avoid, one that would most definitely be awkward. But there was nothing awkward about it, and looking into those deep brown eyes, she felt like he truly saw her, as though he understood her, and she him. 

“Well, this is me,” she said with a small smile, interrupting the silence as she realized that she might actually drown in those eyes if she didn’t do anything to stop it. Turning away from him and walking into the great hall, she immediately regretted her actions. Now that she had finally gotten the chance to talk to him, to be alone with him, she had thrown it away like it was nothing. She had most likely ruined all her chances with him, if there even were any to start with. 

“Hey, Lia? We’re having a party tonight, down by the lake. You should come.”


	3. Friends

It was your average Good Friday at Hogwarts; corridors rather empty, courtyards filled with students trying to catch some sun, and owls beginning to drop Easter eggs to the students in the great hall. For Aurelia, however, it was anything but average. The boy she had fancied for… Merlin knows how long, had asked her to a party after rescuing her from the groping hands of Rabastan Lestrange. In a sense, she was in shock. Firstly, the only parties she had ever attended had either been ministry gatherings or family holiday parties, and secondly, she could not wrap her head around the fact that James Potter wanted her to come to their party. While he was the Gryffindor chaser, a sixth year, dangerously fit and not to mention popular, she was a fifth year Hufflepuff, not much to look at, and practically invisible to everyone but pureblood Slytherins, whose attention she did not want, mind you. Yet for some reason, he had noticed her; well, after initially running straight into her, that is.

So, Aurelia was left in a bit of a pickle. Naturally, going to this party would provide her with an opportunity to get to know James better, to spend time with him. But then again, he was obsessed with Lily Evans and so any time spent trying to get to know him was bound to be time wasted. And then there was the issue of why; why in Merlin's name would he invite her to a party? He had been nothing but kind to her, but she had seen how he and Black made fun of just about anyone they could – especially the Slytherins, especially purebloods. Could they be planning a prank on her? It wouldn't be the first time anyone had the idea of making fun of her, and to her disappointment, it wouldn't be the last. But James Potter had in fact, that same morning, come to her rescue. It didn't make any sense for him to do that, only to make fun of her some fifteen hours later, did it? So that only left two options, either he had asked Lily first and been rejected, or, for some strange reason, he actually wanted to spend time with her.

Despite all her hesitation throughout the day, she finally decided to go. It wasn't as though she had much to lose to begin with, and quite frankly, it wasn't likely that she would ever get an opportunity like this again. So, she let her optimism get the best of her, and she hoped. She hoped that he had invited her because he, for one, noticed her - saw her. She hoped that he had thought about her all day, as she had him. She hoped that running into her the other day made him forget all about that pretty, know-it-all, redhead. She hoped that for once in her life, she could actually get what she wanted. Naturally, this sort of thinking was all very naïve and not much like Aurelia at all, but for an adolescent girl who had never been in a serious relationship and who had just been invited to a party by the boy she fancied, it was quite justified.

She crawled out the barrel from the Hufflepuff common room, and entering the kitchen corridor Aurelia realized that she had no plan, what so ever, as to how she was going to get to the lake at this hour.

“Psst.”

The sound startled her, but looking down the corridor to her left, there was no one there. And turning to her right, she realized, there was no one there either. She had to be alone, yet she was certain she had heard someone, and not something. The normally collected sixteen-year-old nearly jumped out of her skin when she turned back to the left corridor finding one smug looking James Potter leaning against the wall. 

“Merlin, James! You startled me. How… how did you do that?"

Letting out the breath she had been holding, she ran a hand through her hair, still looking at him in shock, trying to figure out what had just happened.

“Magic." He responded with a wink, looking positively smugger than he had to start with. And there she stood, completely and utterly gobsmacked, which was not a condition that improved with the sight of those bloody sparkly eyes of his. Those eyes might just be the death of her.

“What are you doing here, anyway? What if someone sees you?”

“I think we've already established that that's not going to happen. I came to escort you to the party, I take it this means you were planning on coming?"

"Well, yes, but…" She was at a loss for words. He had been waiting for her. James Potter had been waiting outside the Hufflepuff common room for Melin knows how long, when he wasn't even certain she would be coming to the party.

“"Brilliant! Now, before we go, I'll have to let you in on a well-kept secret. I have in my possession an invisibility cloak."

"You have what?!"

\--- 

In all honesty, Aurelia had never seen an invisibility cloak before, but she was definitely taking a liking to it. Now, perhaps it wasn't the actual cloak she was taking a liking to, but the whole 'being under it with James Potter' thing. She was certain her heart had never beaten faster in her life than it did as they were making their ways through the dark corridors of Hogwarts; closely together, his arm wrapped around her waist, hand resting on her ribs. He was so damn close, she could feel his breath on her neck and she bloody well hoped he didn't notice her shiver. It wasn't that she hadn't been close to boys before, because despite however much she might regret it, she had. But this was a different kind of closeness – one she hadn't felt before. It was indescribable. While his hand on her ribs was a security of kinds, instilling a sense of safety in her, it still drove her absolutely mad. And if he were to move his hand just the slightest, she would probably jump through the ceiling.

"So, do you like it?" He suddenly whispered, breaking the silence which had lasted nearly too long. It was a strange silence though, the rare kind that didn't seem to get awkward. His question though, almost succeeded in making it awkward. And Aurelia had no clue as to how to deal with questions like that.

"Erm.. Do I like what?"

"Being invisible, of course."

"Who wouldn't love being invisible?"

"Some people," he mumbled in response, and if she weren't blinded by how close he was to her, she might've heard a slight fragment of bitterness in his voice.

It didn't take very long until they reached the lake, and Aurelia couldn't help but to smile at the scene before her, even as James swept the cloak off them and left her side to half-run down to his friends. The sun was just setting, so it wasn't quite dark yet. The three boys who James was running towards were sitting at the base of a beech tree looking out over the lake, laughing. A blonde girl with curly, beautiful hair and bright blue eyes was sprawled across Sirius' lap, but was rapidly thrown off as James tackled his friend to the ground, messing up his neatly coiffed hair. A tall boy with sandy blonde hair, and a dark, purple scar across his face rolled his eyes at his two friends, and the shorter blonde boy beside him was cheering them on. As soon as he noticed her, the taller blonde got up on his feet and greeted her.

"You must be the Hufflepuff I've been hearing about! It's nice to finally meet you, I'm Remus – Remus Lupin," he said, offering his hand with an apologetic look on his face, as though he hadn't gotten up to greet her soon enough.

"Nice to meet you, too. I'm Aurelia."

"Ah, yes!" James released Sirius from his grip, and got up to his feet, brushing his robes off with his hands.

"Friends, this is Lia. Lia, meet the marauders… Oh, and Marlene," he said with an awkward smile as he walked up to her again, putting his arm over her shoulders.

"Wherever Sirius goes, she follows," he whispered with a small grin before leading her up to the group. It was surreal to her, how happy they all seemed. Now, she couldn't say she wasn't used to it, because she was in fact a Hufflepuff, and most Hufflepuff were indeed often happy. But she was seldom part of it. And at home, with her family, she rarely saw this kind of happiness.

"Hi! It's so nice to finally have another girl around here, I'm Marlene,” the girl who she now knew as Marlene got up on her feet with a wide smile on her face, and pulled a shocked Aurelia in for a tight hug. If the closeness of being under the cloak with James had thrown her off, she didn't have words for what this did. She had never met the girl before and yet she was greeted as though they had been best friends for life. Granted, Aurelia wasn't exactly used to hugging. There was the occasional embrace from her father as she left for Hogwarts each fall, and the usual cheek-kissing half-embrace that was customary when meeting her mother's side of the family, but this bone-crushing hug was something else entirely.

"If you want to keep her around, you'd better let the girl breathe, Marley. She was raised by Slytherins, this one. Good to see you, Fawley." 

At Sirius' words, Marlene let go of her with an apologetic smile, and put her arms around his waist instead, as though she needed to hold on to something. Someone.

"Fawley? Any relation to the former Minister Fawley?" The shorter blonde boy finally spoke, still seated at the edge of the tree, looking at her with inquisitive blue eyes.

"Distantly."

It was a habit of hers. While most pure-bloods at Hogwarts were well aware of her family tree, one didn't exactly stay unnoticed by saying that their grandfather had been minister for magic.

"How distant?"

"Peter! Lay it off, you're being rude,” it was James who shut him up, and surprisingly the boy who she now understood was Peter, did shut up, instantly.

"That's alright, James. He's my grandfather, actually," she said with a low voice, turning her gaze to the ground, not particularly comfortable at being in the centre of attention. However, it was quite the relief to realize that there was no way that Black and Potter had planned all this to prank her. In fact, this was the warmest welcome she had ever received in her life. It was almost like being with friends.

"Alright, who's up for a game of Whisky-Gobstones?" Black broke the silence, waving a bottle of firewhiskey in his right hand, and a bag of gobstones in his left.


	4. Content

The sun had set for the evening, and Aurelia was positive she had downed one too many shots of firewhiskey where she sat leaning against the beech tree, looking out over the black lake. She was dizzy. Dizzy and content. Remus Lupin was sitting next to her, nose stuck in a book. Sirius and Marlene were closer to the lake, and while they had said they were going for a walk, Aurelia was certain they were doing more than walking around over there. And a bit closer to the tree, James and Peter were wrestling over the last bit of chocolate that Peter had snatched from Remus. Strangely, sitting by the lake with these tipsy sixth year Gryffindors well past midnight, seemed natural. It was as though, for once, she didn’t have to pretend, or put on a mask. And although it was the first time she had ever been invited to join them, it felt like she had known them forever. 

Aurelia felt her heart skip a beat as a clearly intoxicated James Potter threw himself on the ground beside her and rested his head on her lap. There it was again, the damned closeness that not only sent shivers down her spine, but all over her body. She didn’t want it to stop though, and it wasn’t an uncomfortable feeling, rather one she wasn’t familiar with. They sat there in silence for a while, her fingers mindlessly touching his messy, yet incredibly soft hair, running through it as to style it (which naturally was impossible). 

“So, is it true?” he finally mumbled, sheepishly, breaking the silence. 

“You were raised by Slytherins?” he continued, his warm hazel eyes shifting from the stars to meet hers.

“Partially. My dad’s a Hufflepuff, though.” 

“So… Your mum’s a Slytherin? And your grandfather? The minister?” Normally, Aurelia would despise all these questions about her family. She would find a diversion, talk about something else, anything else, or rather, talk about nothing at all. She didn’t know if it was the alcohol, or if it was him, but for some reason, she didn’t mind it this time. She didn’t mind him knowing about her family, and she didn’t mind talking to him about it. 

“Mother was in Slytherin, yes, but I’ve never heard of a Fawley who wasn’t in Hufflepuff. Except for my brother.” 

“You have a brother? Which house is he in?”

“He’s a Slytherin through and through, like mother. But he graduated a few years ago.”

“Oh, I remember him. August, right? The quidditch captain?”

“That’s the one,” she responded, with a small sigh. They had never really been friends, her and Augustus. Perhaps because of the age difference, or because they were simply too different. He had always looked up to Lucius, following him around like a little brother, and both boys always seemed to forget about Aurelia, who was never included in their endeavours. And now, as an adult, her brother only ever seemed to notice her when he had an opinion on how she should think, dress or act. While he didn’t agree with their uncle that she should marry Lucius (because god forbid she stole him away), he wasn’t short on letting her know that if it were up to him, she’d already be betrothed to Rabastan, Regulus, or some other pureblood bloke by now. 

“I don’t have any siblings…” James mumbled warily, turning his gaze to the stars again.

“Except for Sirius, that is. He’s like a brother to me, even moved in with the folks last summer.”

“Well if you ask me, you’re better off without a Slytherin git telling you what to do,” she replied, glancing up at the sky to see what he was looking at. It was a beautiful starry night, and the moon was nearly full, or looked as though it had been full not too long ago and was beginning to scale off. 

“Well, if it gets too bad you can always follow Padfoot’s example and move in, y’know.” 

“Padfoot?”

“Sirius.”

“No offense, James. But I wouldn’t want to be considered your sister.”

“Good. Me neither. I mean… I wouldn’t want to consider you my… Oh fuck it!” 

It all happened way too fast for Aurelia to actually process. One second, he was lying on the grass, his head resting on her lap, and the next, he was sitting up in front of her, so close that his lips just barely brushed against hers. Or was that intentional? The firewhiskey had to be messing with her head, because she soon figured that this was one of those things that did not happen unintentionally.

Remus slammed his book shut beside them and stood up, causing the pair to hastily jump apart. James Potter had almost kissed her, she concluded, and she had jumped away from him like a scared little girl at the notion that his friend was sitting next to them. And thus, the moment was ruined. 

“Really? That’s what you’re going with? Charming, James. Real charming. How does one go from discussing possible siblinghood to snogging? That’s beyond me.” 

“Well, Moony, perhaps that’s why you still haven’t...”

James was shut up by Remus’ hand pressed to his mouth, and a pair of threatening green eyes glaring at him. 

“Don’t. You. Dare.” 

The dark-haired boy threw his arms up in defeat, laughing loudly as his friend turned his heel and walked away. While James hadn’t gotten to finish his sentence, Aurelia could only assume what he was going to say, and for some reason she too, found it hilarious. The pair laughed for what seemed like forever, sprawled across the grass, across each other, repeating the blonde’s “don’t you dare” and bursting into laughter time and time again. 

The laughter died out after a while, leaving the two teenagers alone at the base of the tree, both drained of energy from all that laughing, content smiles still lingering on their faces. 

“Do you have any idea how bloody beautiful you are?” The boy had an unusual seriousness glued to his face, which only made his words seem more absurd. His brown eyes had locked to her grey ones, and confusion was fogging up her mind. It had to be a prank, after all, because Aurelia was well aware that she was anything but beautiful. She was the embodiment of dull, grey and transparent. She was too skinny, too short, and there was no colour what so ever to her complexion, nor her eyes for that matter. And James Potter could have just about any girl he wanted, well, except for Lily Evans. There was no way that he meant what he was saying, which led her to the conclusion that this had been the prank all along. To make her feel like she had a chance, a chance at all of this; friendship, happiness… him. 

“I thought we were done laughing for the night, James,” she mumbled as she forced herself into a seated position, her knees pulled up to her chin, turning her gaze to the lake rather than having to face him. 

“I mean it. You walk around with your head turned down every day, like you don’t want people to see you. But I see you, Aurelia Fawley, and you’re bloody beautiful.”


	5. Kiss

Saturday came soon, as Aurelia had been up all night talking and staring into the deep hazel eyes of James Potter. Waking up in her dorm the next morning, she still contemplated whether it had all been real. It certainly did seem like a dream, but she remembered it so vividly, and she wasn’t imaginative enough to make up those things he had said. Just thinking about it made her stomach flutter. He thought she was beautiful. He saw her, he had said, and it felt like everything she had ever wanted. He was absolutely amazing, that boy, even more so than she had expected. There was so much more to him than charming smiles, pranks and sarcasm. It was as though he understood her, truly. They had only known each other for a moment, yet he seemed to understand her better than anyone else did. 

When she left for breakfast that morning, it wasn’t nearly as early it usually was when she went for breakfast. That strategy hadn’t seemed to work either way, seeing the situation she had found herself in with Rabastan yesterday. Yet for once, she didn’t care too much about avoiding people. In fact, she was quite excited to see James, even if only from the distance of the Hufflepuff table in the great hall. She just wanted to gaze into those wonderful hazel eyes again, for a second or two. Aurelia was ripped away from that thought as a strong arm grabbed her wrist and pulled her into a window alcove, away from her path towards the great hall. Initially, her heart stopped in terror, at the idea that Rabastan might have his way with her. Relief washed over her as she met those eyes that had been on her mind since she last saw them some hours earlier. But then it hit her, James had pulled her into an alcove early in the morning, before she even made it to breakfast. He didn’t want to be seen with her. It wasn’t the kind of thing that should be surprising, yet Aurelia could practically feel her heart break as she thought of it. 

“So, about last night…” 

A silence followed his statement, and she could see the regret in his eyes. He had been drunk, and just sobering up now he was probably realizing that he wanted nothing to do with someone like her. Someone from a family like hers. Someone invisible. A quiet fifth year Hufflepuff, who kept her head down wherever she went. They were opposites, the two of them, and she should’ve realized long ago that they weren’t compatible. Whereas James was loud, always in the centre of attention, Aurelia was silent and kept as far away from attention as possible.

“Don’t worry about it, I’ll forget it ever happened and you won’t…”

“No, Lia… What? Merlin, woman, is that what you think of me?” 

His exclamation was far from what she had expected, and struck by the surprise with no idea what to say, Aurelia simply shook her head slowly in response. It was strange. She didn’t think that of him. Not really. Yet it didn’t make any sense that he would want to spend time with her, and she had been raised to be realistic. Ambitious, yet realistic. And this wouldn’t be the first time a boy had grown tired of her, or changed his mind. 

“No, I… There’s something I should’ve done last night that I didn’t,” he mumbled, scratching the back of his head, now hesitant hazel eyes meeting hers. 

“And if it weren’t for Remus Bloody Lupin…”

Once again, she found herself not being able to react before his lips were on hers. Although this time, it wasn’t a swift touch to leave her wondering for hours. This time, she knew it was intentional. She knew because while at first it was soft, careful and slow, it didn’t take long before he kissed her like his life depended on it. And it genuinely felt that way, like their lives depended on that one kiss. Merlin, was she in trouble now. She knew it was more than unwise, starting something with him. But how on earth could she resist? After this kiss, there was no telling herself that he didn’t feel the same way, or that they were wrong for each other. After this kiss, there was no going back. 

It was all lips, hands and heavy breathing in that window alcove for what felt like forever before they both came back for air, with their foreheads still connected as they caught their breaths. 

“Can I see you tonight?” He asked, with an unusually quiet voice, his dreamy hazel eyes hopeful as they gazed into hers. 

“Where?”

“I’ll come get you, outside your common room at eight?”

She responded with a small nod, not sure what to expect. There was a sudden uneasiness hovering above her. She could tell that he was about to leave, given the way he spoke about tonight, and she didn’t want this to be over. She didn’t want to be left alone in that window alcove, wondering if she had made it all up. She didn’t want him to ever leave her side, because she knew that as soon as he did she would begin to question it. And then there was the matter of this evening. She couldn’t quite figure out what he wanted. It was a Saturday, and Easter at that, they could spend the whole day together, yet he chose to pull her into a secluded alcove to kiss her, and didn’t want to see her again before nightfall. While the thought pained her, she couldn’t help but to wonder if he was ashamed to be seen with her, or perhaps he was only after a shag. She didn’t want to believe that he was like the rest of them, yet there she was, questioning his motives, because what good reason could there be for James Potter to want to be with her? 

“Brilliant!” He was smiling with his entire face as he placed a quick kiss on her lips, pulling a strand of her hair behind her ear.

“Until then, I’ll miss you, Lia.” After one last slight kiss, he was gone, and she was left alone with nothing but sore lips to prove it had actually happened.


	6. Bitten

They were pretty much inseparable the weeks following that initial kiss in the alcove outside the great hall. If Aurelia had been mad about James before, it was nothing compared to how she felt now. He had soon become the centre of her world, and they saw each other every day, and nearly every night, as soon as they got the chance to. They met in alcoves, broom closets, in the kitchens, under the tree by the lake, and under his invisibility cloak in the corridors. Of course, nobody ever saw them together. Except for the marauders of course, and perhaps Marlene, who hadn’t been around as much lately during the evenings by the lake. Aurelia wasn’t sure why the blonde Gryffindor had retreated as of late, but she suspected things had ended badly between her and Sirius. James always did say that Sirius could never stick to one girl, which presumably was what had happened. Whenever Aurelia did meet Marlene, though, she was greeted with a warm smile and a bone-crushing hug. In all honesty, Marlene was much friendlier to her than anyone had ever been, at least in public. 

\---

On a particularly cold May morning, Aurelia had been waiting anxiously at the Hufflepuff table in the great hall, all but staring at the doors waiting for the marauders to enter; waiting for him to enter. But once the infamous Gryffindor boys made their way through the great hall for breakfast that morning, James wasn’t with them. And he hadn’t wanted to see her last night either for that matter. Despite the fact that she wasn’t one for being in the centre of attention, and despite the fact that their relationship was quite the well-guarded secret, she couldn’t stop herself from marching over to the Gryffindor table. Truthfully, she was worried sick; worried that he was avoiding her, worried that something was wrong, worried hat something had happened to him.

“Where is he?” she demanded, crossing her arms over her chest in determination as she eyed the three hungry boys with guilty looks on their faces. 

“Fawley, don’t lose your wits, but he’s in the hospital wing. He’s fine, it’s just…” 

Sirius didn’t get the chance to finish his sentence, because she was already on her way, one of her worst fears confirmed. By the time she got there, she was crying, overanalysing and shaking. He looked pale, where he lay on the bed, right arm wrapped in a white bandage which was turning pink from the blood. It made her sick. The other three boys had looked just fine. Well, except for Remus, who had also been a bit pale and ill-looking. What could possibly have happened to leave James in such a delicate state but not affect the rest of them? Had he done something on his own? Surely, he wasn’t that stupid, was he?

“What happened?!”

“It’s nothing to worry about, love. Just an animal bite. We were just messing about as per usual, in the forest.”

“The forbidden forest, you mean? Merlin, James, how could you be so stupid? And yesterday was a full moon, for all we know you could’ve…” 

She stopped herself, putting the pieces together in her mind. Pieces she really didn’t want to put together. It all made sense now, Remus’ nickname, the scars across his face, his worn appearance this morning, and James’ arm. It was the most terrible truth she had ever learned, and understanding that the bite on his arm wasn’t simply an animal bite had her hands shaking and tears rolling down her cheeks. 

“Moony. Merlin, James, it was Remus, wasn’t it? And your arm, you’ll… you’ll be just like him. How could you be this stupid?” She was shifting from crying and holding him, to beating his chest with closed fists, devastated and furious all at once. Poor Remus was a werewolf, and now James, her poor James would share his fate. If this was anything other than a nightmare, she had no idea how she would cope. How he would cope. 

“Keep it down, woman, would you? And calm down, alright? It’s fine, Lia. I’m not infected, it’s going to be alright. It’ll leave a scar, that’s all.” 

His attempts to calm her down weren’t exactly successful. While she wasn’t beating on him anymore, as she was held closely to his chest, she was still crying uncontrollably, struggling for air. He was saying these things to comfort her, but she knew that there was no way that they were true. Anyone who had been bitten by a werewolf were infected, and there was no cure. Either he was lying to her or he was lying to himself. Either way, it didn’t make things any better. 

“Stop lying to me, will you? I know my facts, I’ve read the bloody literature, and a bite always leads to lycanthropy. I don’t need you to protect me!”

“Lia, it’s fine. It’s not the first time I’ve been bitten, see?”

He pulled his shirt up slightly to reveal his perfectly toned abs, and a fading scar along his side, which did look dangerously similar to a bite mark. It didn’t make any sense, though. Aurelia had never heard of anyone who had been bitten by a werewolf and avoided infection. Even scratches had been known to be infectious, so how could James possibly have been bitten twice without consequence? 

“How?” she asked, finally allowing herself to draw in a breath as she traced the scar on his side with her fingers. 

“I’ve honestly vowed not to tell you this, but you’re not leaving me much of a choice, are you? Let’s just say that only humans can be infected with lycanthropy.” 

“What? That doesn’t make any sense, you’re…” 

She stopped herself, thinking about what he had just said. He was human, of course he was. How could he not be? Sure, Remus was living proof that things weren’t always as they seemed, but Aurelia couldn’t see how James could not be human. Unless…

“Prongs,” she finally mumbled, partially with a sense of understanding in her voice, yet still hesitant, as though she didn’t quite dare to make the guess.

“You’re an animagus?”

“You should get to class, Lia. We can talk more tonight. I’ll come fetch you around ten, alright?”

He hadn’t confirmed it, but he hadn’t denied it either. It made sense, though. It was the only thing that made sense, given what he had said, given their bloody nicknames. Their nicknames. Were they all animagi? He did say that he had vowed not to tell her, and if it were only him then they wouldn’t give a damn if he told her, would they? 

“James?”

“Yes?”

“This doesn’t make you any less of an idiot, you know that, right? Quite the opposite, really,” she teased, planting a light kiss on his lips before getting up on her feet to leave the hospital wing. He was somewhat of an idiot, and he had quite the talent for dangerous stunts. But she had known that long before she actually got to know him, and it was one of the things she loved most about him. One of many things. To be honest, she couldn’t think of anything she didn’t love about him. She realized just how deep trouble she was in. She was madly in love with a troublemaking, possible-animagus, Gryffindor chaser. She was madly in love with James Potter, and however stupid it was, she wanted to believe that he was in love with her, too.


	7. Revelations

It was beginning to become quite the routine, waiting for James just outside the entrance to the Hufflepuff common room. She didn’t mind, though, because waiting for him meant she would get to see him, and there weren’t many things she wouldn’t do to be back in his arms again. He was the kind of security she had never had before, the safe place she had never felt that she had at home, nor at Hogwarts for that matter. He was her much needed escape from a troublesome reality which she had lived her whole life. Growing up, she had been sent back and forth between Hogwarts, Wiltshire, and home. During her first years at Hogwarts, Augustus had still been there, keeping an eye out for her. Remembering it, she couldn’t quite put her finger on whether it was a good thing or a bad thing. While he did keep the bullies away, he seemed to keep everyone else away too. If any muggleborn Hufflepuffs had attempted to befriend her, he was sure to intimidate them well enough to keep them away from her for the rest of their school years. In all fairness, she hadn’t been quite as lonely back then as she was after her brother’s graduation. His friends, and some other older Slytherin boys had made sure to ‘keep her safe’ and thus, in consequence, did spend some time with her. Back then she hadn’t understood their motive, but in her third year she begun to realize that they were only spending time with her to suck up to her brother, or worse, to court her for the influence of her family. After that, she wanted nothing but to stay away from them, and by then, it seemed like all her chances of any real friendship at Hogwarts were ruined. Safe to say, she did not feel at home at Hogwarts.

It was completely different at home in Fawley Manor, which was much too large for a family of four. And while Aurelia normally appreciated her alone-time, it was a very silent and lonely childhood. Her parents were both very occupied with work. Her father was working with the International Confederations of Wizards, and while his main office was at the Ministry, he was often travelling and Aurelia barely saw him, even on school holidays. Her mother on the other hand, was rather inseparable from her twin brother, Abraxas. The two of them were holding up the appearances of the Malfoy family name and running their business, which Aurelia assumed had much more to do with scheming plots than it did investments and exchange. Needless to say, there had been times when Aurelia had no choice but to spend her fair amount of time at Malfoy Manor in Wiltshire, which was her least favourite out of the three huge buildings which her residence shifted between. The manor was larger than her parents’ house, but it was also darker and colder, as were the people in it. While there was no doubt in the world that the Malfoys were very loyal to their own, and that any of them would stick their neck out for her at any time, they were not exactly a warm family. Her uncle was obsessed with making good impressions to the right people, and to maintain the relationships that provided him with the powerful influence he had. Thus, he was very insistent on Lucius, Augustus and herself spending time with the right people, and particularly on having Aurelia betrothed to a pureblood bloke who lived up to his standards. Spending time at his house meant constant vigilance, exhibiting perfect pureblood manners, and ever recurring discussions on marrying her off to some perfect little pureblood bloke. It was insufferable to say the least. 

So out of the various places and people who had been somewhat remote to a home to her throughout the years, none of it had been home, not in the way that he was. In the weeks that they had been seeing each other, his arms had become her safe place, his shoulder had become her comforter, and his smile had become her joy. Perhaps it was ridiculous, feeling something so strongly, this soon. In fact, she knew it was. It was stupid, really. But it was all she had been waiting her entire life for. She was no longer alone and unloved. Hell, she wasn’t even invisible anymore. He saw her now. He saw her for who she truly was. He saw past the proper pureblood mask, and he saw past the invisible girl with her head turned down. 

\---

“Hey.” 

She smiled at the sound of his voice, turning around to just see him appear out of nowhere, as he took of the cloak.

“Hey,” she replied, unable to rid herself of that soppy smile that had glued itself to her lips. 

“You’re okay,” she stated, a sense of relief washing over her at the realization that he was well enough to be out of the hospital wing. 

“How’s the arm?”

“What, this old thing? It’s been through worse.”

“So, are you going to tell me all about Prongs now?”

“Oh, here I was thinking you already knew all there was to know about him.” 

There it was again, that smile she couldn’t seem to stop from spreading, as she walked up to him and wrapped her arms around his neck, planting a soft kiss on his lips before she buried her face in his shoulder.

“The boys want to talk to you,” he continued, with a slightly more serious tone, as he wrapped his unscathed arm around her waist and kissed the top of her head, once again making her feel safer than she ever had before.

“You’re getting the full story, since you’ve already figured out half of it on your own.”

“Thank you.”

“For telling you the truth?” 

“For everything. No one’s ever been this kind to me before.”

“Well then it’s about time,” he said, as a smile with a hint of sadness in it graced his face. 

It wasn’t long before he had put his unharmed arm over her shoulders, and wrapped the invisibility cloak around them to lead her up several flights of stairs to the west towers. 

“Temet nosce,” James voiced, as they reached a portrait of a sleeping, large lady, who woke up in the middle of a snark. 

“Who’s there?” she asked in chock, frantically looking to both sides of her portrait, clearly not seeing past the invisibility cloak. 

“Temet nosce,” he repeated, and the lady shook her head in disbelief right as the portrait swung open to reveal a cosy room of scarlet and gold, which Aurelia could only assume to be the Gryffindor common room. There was no one else there, and the room was quiet apart from the fire cracking underneath a painting of a lion, which definitely confirmed her theory that this was indeed the Gryffindor common room. He had not only trusted her with the fact that him and his friends were animagi, but also with the location and password to the Gryffindor common room. 

She didn’t get to stay long, though, as he quickly pulled her along through the circular room, and up a spiral staircase at the end of it. The stairs seemed to go on forever, and as they finally got off the stairs he opened a door that led into a dormitory, which clearly belonged to the marauders. The four-poster beds were each sitting along different walls of the rounded room, scarlet curtains hanging down along the sides. Remus was sitting up on his bed with his face buried in a book, and his space was very neat and tidy. Sirius, on the other hand, was sprawled across another bed (along with various pieces of muggle clothing) frustratingly poking at a small rectangular device the size of his palm, which was connected to his ears through two black strings. It was definitely some kind of muggle device, and it was beyond her how the Black family heir had drifted so far away from what his parents had wanted him to become. Peter’s bed was also a mess, books and parchment spread out across the sheets as he frantically scribbled on a piece of parchment. It was quite obvious which space belonged to James. The broomstick which was leant against the wall, and the quidditch uniform thrown on top of the trunk, were a dead giveaway, but frankly, it was much tidier than she would’ve expected. 

James pulled off the cloak and threw it across his bed, and looked at her with a proud grin across his face. 

“Welcome to Gryffindor tower!”

“Merlin, Prongs, you brought a Hufflepuff into our dorm? What am I supposed to do about this?” Remus complained, rubbing his eyes with his hand. 

“Worse, he brought a girl into our dorm! Well, congratulations, you’re the first girl ever to set foot in the marauders’ legendary dorm,” Peter grinned, at which Sirius let out a bark and nearly choked on his chocolate frog, clearly indicating the falseness of Peter’s statement, and pulled the strange strings out of his ears.

“Not the first, and definitely not the last. Nevertheless, it’s good to have you, Fawley.”

“Disgusting, Padfoot,” Remus muttered, as he put down his book on the nightstand, suddenly glancing up at her with a serious look on his face.

“Look, Aurelia. James told me you… figured some things out, and I understand if you’re completely appalled and… Just don’t tell anyone, please?”

“What? Gods, no. Remus, I’m not. I just… I’m so sorry you have to go through this, and if there’s anything I can do to help you, don’t hesitate to ask.”

“See, I told you. True Hufflepuff, this one. Good at keeping secrets too,” James grinned, wrapping his arm around her shoulders and pulling her closer to his side. 

“I won’t tell a soul,” she agreed, seriousness written all over her face as she met the green eyes of Remus, who looked slightly relieved at her statement. 

“Brilliant, now that that’s over with, who’s up for introductions?” Sirius exclaimed, rolling out of his bed only to reduce into a shaggy black dog, with large grey eyes looking pleadingly up at her. Aurelia was completely gobsmacked. While she had seen Professor McGonagall transform before, this was disturbingly realistic. The large dog strode over to her, wiggling its tail, rubbing its forehead against her palm before licking her fingers.

“Oi, Snuffles! Lay off my girl, will you?” 

With a small wince, the dog turned around, walked over to the bed and jumped up on it, transforming back into the cocky teenager with the characteristic leather jacket and perfect hair. Aurelia was positive her chin had literally dropped off her face.

“Wow. That was…”

“Completely inappropriate?” suggested James, shooting a deadly glare at his best friend.

“The most amazing thing you’ve ever witnessed?” Sirius shot back at James with a smirk on his face.

“I was going to say insane, but I think you just about covered it.” 

\---

Naturally, the evening spiralled off from there. They all shared a bottle of muggle whiskey that Sirius had snatched up in London, as the boys took turns telling her about how they all became friends, how they learned about Remus’ condition, and how they came to the mad conclusion that they should all become animagi to be there for him (of course it had been James’ idea). They talked and laughed for hours, before one by one dozed off, and left her with nothing but the sound of the breezing wind against the windows, and Peter’s content snoring. She was lying on her side, once again finding herself drowning in the depth of hazel eyes, wishing that she’d never have to leave this place. 

“Lia?”

“Yes.”

“I’m glad you figured it all out.”

“Me too.” 

They fell asleep like that, and it was the first time they had shared a bed, the first time they had fallen asleep next to one another. And while they did nothing but sleep peacefully close together that night, Aurelia had never felt closer to anyone before. Granted, she probably never had been closer to anyone before; not when her grandmother was still around to read her bedtime stories, not that summer when August had shared his deepest secrets with her, and definitely not when she had slept with Rabastan Lestrange in his parents’ cottage nearly two years ago.


	8. Love

Ever since that one night in May, when the Marauders had first told her their secret, Aurelia had spent several nights in the 6th year boys’ dorm in Gryffindor tower. Only sleeping, mind you. Well, to be honest they her and James had done a lot more than sleep up there, but they hadn’t gone as far as she had with Rabastan, mainly because she wouldn’t let that happen with his three best friends in the same room. Either way, she could tell already that once it did happen, it wasn’t going to be anything like it had with Rabastan. James was gentle and kind, and even at times when he was completely wound up and mad with desire, he looked at her with adoration, not like she was pray to be hunted down. Oh, how she despised the way Rabastan would look at her. How he had looked at her two years ago, and that early morning this Easter, and how she would still catch him looking at her over the tables in the Great Hall from time to time. It was sickening, and although she had James looking out for her now, it still worried her, frightened her, that he might actually hunt her down again someday. 

That morning, as she entered the Great Hall, there were no dark brown eyes eyeing her from the Slytherin table, and she relaxed into her seat only to be bothered by a snow-white owl dropping an elegant envelope on the table in front of her. 

_Ms. A. Fawley_  
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry  
Highlands  
Scotland 

She was, least to say, confused. It wasn’t her mother’s handwriting on the letter, nor her father’s. And while it was certainly rare, they were the only people who ever did send her letters. But there she was, holding this elegant, off-white envelope with her name spelled out on it, not sure what to expect. She didn’t waste any time ripping the envelope open, in a fashion which did not do the beautiful paper any justice.

_Mr. and Mrs. Cygnus Black_  
&  
Mr. and Mrs. Abraxas Malfoy  
request the pleasure of  
Ms. Aurelia Fawley  
at the marriage of their children  
Narcissa Cassiopeia  
to  
Lucius Abraxas  
at Malfoy Manor, Wiltshire, England 

_on Saturday 15th of July 1978_  
at 1:30pm  
followed by a reception 

_R.S.V.P. by 5th June to_  
Mr. and Mrs. Abraxas Malfoy  
Malfoy Manor  
Wiltshire 

Aurelia was beside herself with relief, joy even. It wasn’t that kind of joy she would assume people normally had when being invited to a wedding; the kind you feel for the happy couple. No, she knew better than that. The happy couple were more likely to barely know each other in this case, but she assumed Lucius was relieved and happy for the same reason she was. They would not be marrying each other. The man at the top of the list of worst contenders for her hand in marriage, had just been scratched right off it. It was an indescribable relief. And although Rabastan Lestrange had now taken over first place on her awful list, she barely payed it any notice. Not at the moment. Not when she knew for certain that she would not have to marry her cousin, that she would not have to spend most of her life trapped in a house with him and Augustus, and that she would not, Merlin forbid, have to produce children with said cousin. The mere thought sent cold shivers down her spine, and completely eradicated her appetite. The weight of the world had been lifted off her shoulders, and for that, she could kiss her uncle Abraxas out of thankfulness. Hell, if he were there right now, she probably would. They had seen sense, finally. Or perhaps, and more likely, they had simply received a better offer. The Blacks were, after all, one of the wealthiest pureblood families in Britain, and seeing that her uncle already had influence over the Fawley family, this union would be more valuable to him. Because that was what it was all about, after all; money, influence and heritage.

\---

Her good spirits lasted throughout the day, despite the fact that she was paired up with Regulus Black for potions that afternoon. She could swear that it was due to Slughorn’s dark sense of humour, and she did not appreciate it. 

“So, I suppose we’ll be related then,” the dark-haired boy mumbled, over the sound of grinding occamy eggshell for the Felix Felicis they were attempting to brew.

“I hardly think a marriage between our cousins makes us related.”

“Perhaps not. But then I suppose there are still plenty of opport…”

“Merlin, Black. Is that all you lot can think of? You’re sixteen yea…”

“Fifteen, actually,” he corrected, glancing up at her with grey eyes that reminded her a lot of the black dog she was getting quite used to be having around after spending so much time in James’ dormitory. 

“Fifteen. And all you can think about is marriage and politics?” 

“It’s our way. You’d do well to remember keeping these opinions to yourself, Fawley.”

“Or what? I’ll end up like Sirius? You do remember your brother, don’t you?”

A grin made its way to the young boy’s face, one which for a moment erased any sign of the stiff pureblood who had just been standing in front of her. One which had him looking just about identical to his older brother.

“My brother, you say? Well, well. We might just end up related after all.”

“Disgusting, Black. I assure you there’s nothing going on between Sirius and I.” 

“Did you tell him that?” 

“Seriously? Make yourself useful and fetch the rue, will you? Powdered!”

Aurelia thought she heard a sarcastically muttered ‘Siriusly’ as the dark-haired wizard walked away from the table to fetch the powdered rue, and she let out a small sigh of relief as he was gone. Not even Regulus Black would manage to ruin her mood today. It was a good day. No, it was an exceptional day. Her life was good, for once. She was not going to marry Lucius, and in a few weeks the school year would be over, and Rabastan would be graduating, thus getting out of her hair. However, nothing could top the fact that she would be seeing James tonight, as she had most nights that week. Yes, her life was good indeed, and she had no intention of letting herself consider how that might change come summer. 

\---

“Why, aren’t you beaming today…” Remus mumbled as he glanced up at her from the book he was reading, when she entered the dorm. It had nearly gotten casual, her spending time there, it was as though they didn’t mind anymore. In the beginning, they had definitely minded. The first morning she had woken up there, after being invited for the first time and learning about their secret, both Remus and Peter had been fairly irritated. Sirius, in his usual manner, had joked about it. James, on the other hand, James had been quite amazing to wake up to. He still was. Oh, how she loved waking up with his arms wrapped around her waist, murmuring a soft ‘Morning’ into her neck. She lived for those mornings. 

“Yeah, what’s up with you, Fawley?”

“My cousin is getting married! To your cousin, in fact, Narcissa,” she replied, ripping herself out of daydreams of waking up next to James, at Sirius’ question. 

“To Malfoy? Ugh, I can’t believe her. I honestly thought she might be different, and then she goes and marries that slim…”

“Hey! That’s my cousin you’re talking about,” she defended, uncertain as to why she would defend Lucius. For some reason, despite however much she disliked going home and spending time with them, she was still unquestionably loyal to her family. And Sirius, well, his prejudice was extended to all purebloods. Or more like it, nearly all purebloods. 

“Wait hold on a second! Malfoy’s your cousin?”

“Well, yes. I thought you knew.”

“You’re related to Malfoy?”

With raised eyebrows, she simply nodded at the tall, handsome boy with the seriously confounded look on his face. Her boy. 

“Seriously Prongs, you’ve been seeing her for what now, a month? And you didn’t notice her hair nor her eyes?” It was Sirius’ irritable tone that cleared things up for James. 

“Wait, what?! You are a Malfoy?”

“No, wha…. I can’t believe we’re having this discussion. My mother’s… She was… Oh sod it. Let’s be real; I am as much a Malfoy as I am a Fawley. Does that bother you?”

“N-No… I guess not, it’s just a bit of a shock, that’s all.”

“Well, the important thing is that Lucius is marrying Narcissa, and now I don’t have to worry about that anymore!”

“Worry about what?” James continued inquiring, and Aurelia was certain she had never seen him look so confused before. The poor boy was learning a lot this evening. 

“Marrying her cousin, you daft git,” Sirius muttered, still irritated, clearly having had to worry about a similar arrangement, and a round of ‘Oh’s from the remaining three boys filled the room. 

“Sorry, I forget that you don’t have to deal with these things. Either way, it’s nothing to worry about anymore!”

“I’ll drink to that,” Sirius mumbled, offering a small grin and a bottle of Odgen’s olde firewhiskey. 

\---

Some hours later, an intoxicated James was dragging her down the spiral stairs of Gryffindor tower, going on and on about needing to show her something. They didn’t often roam the castle this late, unless there was a party happening, and seeing that the rest of the Marauders were fast asleep, Aurelia seriously doubted that was the case. She didn’t mind, though. She quite liked having their fingers entwined, despite some rough comments from tired, grumpy portraits. They walked up and down flights of stairs, through several dark corridors, James constantly eyeing the map to avoid Filch. 

“Wait ‘til you see this,” he beamed, as he stopped in the middle of a corridor after walking back and forth for what seemed like forever, and shoved the map into his back pocket. Moments later, the wall in front of them started forming a door, and while Aurelia had seen countless magical things in her life, she had never witnessed anything quite as magical as this. 

“The room of requirement,” she whispered in awe, before he had even had the chance to open the door. She had read about it in ‘Hogwarts: A History’, but she had never thought she would see it with her own eyes.

“How did you find it?” 

“I didn’t. Peter found it, apparently, he needed a nap between classes,” he grinned, warm hazel eyes meeting hers.

“And just what do you need, James Potter?” 

“A place where I can be alone with this brilliant, beautiful witch I’ve been seeing.” 

“Oh, yeah? Who is she?”

“She is as much Malfoy as she is Fawley. She is the most beautiful witch at Hogwarts, although she seems oblivious to it. She is the truest Hufflep…”

Her lips cut him off mid-sentence, as though she had no control over them. But perhaps she simply had no control over herself. Not around him, his soft smile and wonderful words. 

\---

Needless to say, there was more than just sleeping going on that night, and it was possibly even more magical than the bloody door. She had been right about James, he was everything Rabastan would never be, and more. He was warm, bright and had a sense of optimism that she could never measure up to. In many ways, he was everything she was not, yet everything she needed. He was the hopeful to her pessimistic, the playfulness to seriousness. He was the warmth to her normally cold, cold world. 

So, when they lay there on the incredibly soft bedsheets in the room of requirement, half-asleep later that night, it wasn’t just their bodies that were tangled and entwined. It wasn’t simply white-blonde hair on jet-back, it wasn’t just pale grey eyes against deep hazel ones, it wasn’t just a tall strong body holding onto a slender, short one. It was everything about them. It was constant turbulence versus stillness, glee versus gloom, reassurance versus concern. And that night, wrapped in his arms, wrapped in him, she could feel all those things. She could feel the heat radiating off his skin, warming up not only her but all the cold air around her. She could feel his smile pressing against her lips, causing an eruption of bubbles in her chest and a similar smile on her lips; one that would last for days. She could feel his ease as his skin brushed against hers, and suddenly she found herself optimistic. If this undeniably amazing boy could fall for someone like her, share not only his, but his friends’ deepest secrets with her, and let her so easily into his world, then surely anything was possible. Perhaps her parents wouldn’t object to him as she expected them to. In fact, he was a pureblood, too, and not a poor one at that. And they couldn’t possibly not like him if they met him, nobody could. 

It was possible, she decided, as his lips brushed against her collarbone and his fingers ran through her hair. They were possible. 

“I love you,” she mumbled, a near inaudible whisper against the soft skin of his strong chest. It was silent for a moment, and she hoped he was asleep, she hoped he hadn’t heard her. But then his arms moved, pulling her closer, burying his face in her disarray of silvery hair. 

“And I love you, Lia. More than I thought possible.”


	9. Family

Summer couldn’t get any more insufferable. At least, Aurelia didn’t think it could, and it had only been two weeks since she bid James farewell on the Hogwarts express as it rolled into Kings Cross Station. It had been two very long, painful weeks without him, and for once, Aurelia couldn’t wait to get back to Hogwarts. Her family home was quiet, as usual, and when her family did decide to show up she realized why she didn’t enjoy going home in the first place. When her mother wasn’t nagging her about boys (well, pureblood Slytherins such as Lestrange that is), she constantly attempted to drag Aurelia along to social events where she was bound to meet such boys. Naturally, she couldn’t very well tell her mother that she was very happy with Gryffindor blood-traitor James Potter, who was hosting notorious blood-traitor Sirius Black in his family home. That would not sit well with Lady Ambrosia.

Her father, on the other hand, could not stop talking about his job. Since Augustus had chosen not to follow in his father’s footsteps (Merlin knows what he was up to), he was now expecting Aurelia to do so. Aurelia, who had wanted to work with magical law enforcement ever since she was four years old and heard her grandfather tell magnificent stories of trials back when he was minister. She knew her father meant well, but it was madness. She had no intention what so ever of working for the International Confederation of Wizards, and it was near impossible to make that clear to her father. 

Thankfully, Augustus hadn’t been around much since she got back from Hogwarts, and thus, neither had Lucius. The absence of the latter, however, was much more understandable seeing that he was busy planning a wedding, or more likely, getting to know the bride. She had only seen Augustus once since she had been back, as he had his own flat now, and as per usual, it hadn’t been a very pleasant encounter. The two siblings had never really gotten along, and people who didn’t know them very well might guess that they were too much alike, which was only part of the truth. While they were both very passionate in what they believed in, and very loyal to their friends and family, August had always been much more vocal and quite the dreadful conversationalist, a more flamboyant Fawley, if you will. The large clash between the two siblings, more unfortunately so, was the fact that what they believed in was not the same thing. In fact, they were opposites. While her brother was a snobby blood-purist who couldn’t possibly belong anywhere other than in Slytherin, Aurelia believed in equality and in kindness, even more so than your average Hufflepuff. 

Their latest fight had been, as they so often were, about the war; the raging bloody war, which her brother deemed necessary, and justified. Each time it came up in conversation, she was infuriated, and similarly to her brother, she simply couldn’t bring herself to stop; to calm down. So, last week, when he had muttered under his breath that ‘those filthy mudbloods have no place at Hogwarts’, a terrible row had erupted, which ended in hexes thrown across the house, and a terrifying scolding from their mother somewhere along the lines of ‘if you fancy getting yourselves hexed you might as well do it properly’. This particular time, she hadn’t actually hexed them, but there had been times when she had gone as far. It wasn’t strange, per se. Their grandfather, Brutus Malfoy, had been a horribly cold and harsh man when he was alive, and Aurelia could only guess what her mother had been through when she was brought up. Perhaps it didn’t make it any more right, but it was all she knew, in their mother’s eyes, that was simply how you raised children.

\---

If the summer was insufferable, the wedding couldn’t possibly be described in words. Aurelia wasn’t one for social events, particularly not ones where all the guests were blood-purist twats who constantly made remarks that would have Hufflepuff turn over in her grave. Moreover, Aurelia could swear there was something hanging in the air, something dark. It was the war, she could sense it, and its existence was more noticeable in these social groups than it was at Hogwarts.

There was also the issue of clothing. Seeing that it was mid-July, there was a heat-wave in Wiltshire, and Ambrosia had insisted that Aurelia wear her black dress-robes. She was dying, least to say, and seeing that there was no getting away from there, she simply had to make the best of the situation. So, she socialized, in a never-ending game of play pretend, drinking elven wine and playing the perfect pureblood daughter. At least her mother would be happy. 

“Fawley,” a familiar voice hung in the air right behind her, where she stood by the bar attempting to avoid people. An attempt which clearly had failed. As she turned around, she realized why the voice had been familiar, and the sight of Regulus Black triggered a feeling of longing at the back of her mind. He looked so much like his brother; Sirius. And how she missed him, James, Remus, even Peter. She missed their pranks, their silly games of whiskey gobstones, their late-night conversations in their dormitory. She had missed James to insanity during these two weeks of summer, but she hadn’t realized until she saw Regulus just then, that she missed all of them; her boys. 

“Black,” she responded with a small nod, expressionless to the world, to him. Under no circumstances would she let him in on how she missed his brother, nor the other Gryffindors. 

“A word? In private,” he bid, taking her arm and leading her away from the party. She would’ve slapped his hand, pulled away from him, yelled at him, if her mother hadn’t specifically told her just what would happen if she caused a scene tonight. 

“Doesn’t seem like I have much of a choice, now does it,” Aurelia muttered under her breath, finally pulling her arm away from his when they were at a fair distance from the party. 

“Muffliato,” the younger of the two mumbled with a light flick of his wand, causing the girl to take a cautious step back.

“Forget it, Black.”

“Listen up, Fawley. I’m only trying to help you.”

“Well, you can redirect that towards someone who actually requires your help.”

“Would you snap out of it and listen to me?” he snarled, and Aurelia could tell that he was being serious. 

“Fine. Speak.”

“If you want the choice to be yours, you need to make it right now.”

“What are you on about?”

“Your parents… They’re going to have you betrothed to Lestrange, I heard them.”

“Not that it is any of your concern, but that absurd, Black. My father would never agr…”

“Well, he already has. But if you go to them now, before they have a chance to tell you, perhaps there’s still a chance.”

“And what do you propose I tell them, that I haven’t already?”

“Tell them you choose me, for instance.”

“You? Really? And what in Merlin’s name makes you a better choice than him?” 

“It would buy you some time for one, I’m not seventeen for another year.”

“Oh, please, Black. It’s obvious you’re just making a play for it.”

“I’ve heard how he talks about you, seen how he glares at you. I’m warning you, Fawley, you don’t want to marry him.”

“Well, I don’t want to marry you either, so that’s that.”

It was obvious she was getting on his nerves. The already agitated boy looked as though he would drag his own hair out as he looked around to make sure nobody was hearing their conversation. 

“Merlin, Fawley. He’s taken the bloody mark, alright? Don’t let them do this.” 

He was whispering, even though he had already cast a Muffliato charm, and once again, he was proving his seriousness in the matter. What she couldn’t wrap her head around was why on earth he would care. That was, unless there was something in it for him, which in this case, there obviously was. Her hand in marriage would gain him riches, influence and power, and yet, there Regulus Black was, indicating that he was concerned about her. 

“What mark? I have no idea what you’re on about.” 

“The dark mark, Fawley. The brand on his sodding arm that proves his loyalty to you know who. He’s a bloody death eater, is what he is.”

Aurelia couldn’t find it in herself to speak. Rabastan Lestrange, a death eater, two weeks after his graduation. Granted, he had always been all for pureblood elitism, and a right git at that, but attacking and murdering innocent people? Joining an evil lunatic? No more than two years ago, this boy had been courting her, and now he was a death eater. She stumbled back, managing to catch her balance right before she was about to fall over, and realized she hadn’t taken a breath since she had heard those words; death eater. She collected herself, took a deep breath, and regained her composure. It doesn’t matter, she thought. Regulus was obviously making this all up in order to gain an advantage. And even if Rabastan had taken the mark, her father would never agree to it. He had promised her that she would be allowed to marry out of love. 

“I appreciate your concern, Black. But you obviously don’t know my father. Mind your own business, now, will you?”

With that, she left him behind, and walked back to the party; a party which she had no interest being at in the first place. While this wedding had solved one of her issues, the prospect of marrying her cousin, it seemed to have stirred up quite a few new issues, or at least made her aware of them.

\---

It would be well past midnight before she had a real run-in with her brother, who was conveniently sitting out back with the groom, Lucius, by a secluded table. Now, while they weren’t particularly her favourite people in the world, she was tired of pretending around people she didn’t know, around people she needed to make a good impression on. Now Augustus and Lucius, for better or worse, knew her. And from the looks of it, they were pissed, and in all honesty, Aurelia wasn’t exactly sober herself. 

“My congratulations to the happy groom,” she joked as she approached, taking a seat in one of the two available chairs at the table. 

“Oh, sod off, Aria,” her brother muttered, taking another gulp from the bottle of fire whiskey they most likely had snatched from the bar. Not that it would be considered snatching when the groom was involved, she supposed.

“I hear it’ll be your turn soon enough,” Lucius smirked, patting her shoulder, as though everyone was let in on a secret she didn’t know. 

“If that’s the case, then I’m glad you’re off the market, cousin.”

“I assure you that’s the case, haven’t they told you yet? You’re being betrothed to my brother-in-law, I’m sure they’re finalizing it as we speak,” Lucius was deadly serious, grey eyes glued to her as though he was anticipating her reaction. Almost as though he was so unhappy himself, that paining her would lift his spirits. 

“It’s true. About bloody time, too, if you ask me,” Augustus filled in, him too anticipating a reaction, and Aurelia would be damned if she gave them one. 

“Nonsense. Father would never agree to it, especially if he has taken the mark.”

“Why, dear sister, that’s precisely why they would allow it. Rabastan is in a position to protect you now, come the war. You’d do well to remember that.”

“Protect me? Are you bloody mad, Augustus? How on earth would a death eater be able to protect me?”

“Well, that’s what we’re all doing, innit? Gaining good positions with the Dark Lord to protect the little mudblood-loving twat. Some appreciation would be nice,” Augustus spat out, and Aurelia felt like she had lost all control over her body for the second time that evening. If she weren’t sitting down, she would’ve bloody well fallen over at the notion. 

“What do you mean ‘we’re all’?” she asked, through gritted teeth, barely noticing that she had gotten up from the seat, leaning over the table glaring into the grey eyes of her older brother, who looked rather amused at the sight of her aggravation.

“Did you think Rabastan was the only one to receive the mark?”

“You wouldn’t…”

\---

Apparently, they would. And as soon as the two boys, one white blonde like herself, and one sandy blonde, had pulled up their left sleeves up to reveal the darkness beneath, Aurelia had stumbled away from them, lightheaded. They were just boys. Sure, they were both older than her, and one of them had just been married, but at twenty and twenty-three years old, they were both boys nonetheless. And they pretty much made up half of her family. Despite the quarrels and the teasing, they were her closest family. Or at least, they had been. She didn’t know what they were anymore; who they were. 

Before she knew it, Aurelia had made her way down the long, hedge-curved driveway, and through the iron gates. Surely, she had walked for quite a while before she reached the road, but that had gone by unregistered by the girl, who at this point was more like a walking ghost with tears in her face.

It was odd, while she hadn’t planned it, there she was, standing alongside a road in Wiltshire, sticking her wand out in the air only to find the Knight Bus pulling over seconds later. Somewhere in her subconscious, she had to have known that the bus was the only way for her to get away from there without gaining any notice. And she needed to get away from there, although she had no idea where to go. She couldn’t very well go home, nor could she go to Hogwarts. And seeing as she was underage, she couldn’t very well take in to the Leaky Cauldron either. 

“Welcome to the Knight Bus, emergency transport for the stranded witch or wizard. Just stick your wand out, step on board and we can take you anywhere you want to go. My name is Nigel Akers, and I will be your conductor this evening. Where does the lady wish to go?” 

“The Potter family home, Cornwall,” she managed to explain, after silently contemplating for a bit. Perhaps it wasn’t the most well thought-out decision, but it was the only place she could think of. She honestly had nowhere else to go, and while she was certain there was nothing that could make her feel any better, she could really use James’ comforting embrace just about now.

“Are you alright, miss?” the conductor inquired, curious blue eyes looking around at the otherwise empty road.

“Just fine. Keep the change,” Aurelia mumbled, handing him a galleon from her purse, before stepping onto the bus.

\---

Once she was standing there, in front of the large house with dark windows, well past midnight, Aurelia realized she had no idea what to do. This was certainly not planned, and there she was, probably looking a right mess in her fancy dress robes and blotchy, wet face. But she had just learned that she was being promised away to a right git and bloody death eater, and uncovered that her brother and cousin had also taken the mark, and thus, she honestly didn’t have much left to lose. 

She wiped her eyes off with her sleeve, before taking the courage to walk up to the door and knock hard, three times, praying to Merlin that it would be James who answered the door. Naturally, it wasn’t. As the door swung open, an elderly woman in a dressing gown, looked back at her with calmingly familiar hazel eyes. Her hair had almost completely turned grey, but Aurelia could tell it used to be black once, and while concern and perplexity was written all over her face, her smile was bound to be friendly and soft. She was beautiful, Aurelia concluded. Aging and grey, but beautiful nonetheless. 

“Mrs. Potter, I’m so-sorry for disturbing you at... this hour, but… Is James home?”

“I’m afraid not, dear. How may I help you?”

“Oh… I… I’m sorry, I should…”

Aurelia had just admitted to herself what a horrendous mistake coming there had been, and was about to apologize, turn her heel and leave, when she was interrupted by a swearing, shirtless, and messy-haired Sirius Black launching down the stairs. 

“Merlin’s bollocks, what’s happened to you?!” 

“Language, Sirius. You know this girl?”

“Yeah, this is Fawle… Aurelia,” he responded, moving past the woman to all but push Aurelia inside the house.

“Ambrosia’s daughter, are you? You’ve surely inherited her beauty. Coming straight from the wedding, I presume?” 

The girl couldn’t bring herself to do anything but nod, swallowing down hard at the lump in her throat, and finally relaxing her shoulders as Sirius wrapped an arm around her back. 

“And you know my boys?”

“She’s… a friend. A close one. You can trust her, mum,” Sirius assured, earning a nod in response from the woman, who uncrossed her arms at the notion, wrapping her dressing gown tighter around her waist. 

“Alright. We’ll speak in the morning. Sirius, I trust you can show her to the guest room and make sure she has what she needs?”

“Yes, mum. I’ll take good care of her.”

“Thanks, Mrs. Potter,” the blonde managed to utter, as she was being led towards the stairs of the beautiful, old house, by arms that were just about holding her together at the moment. 

“Call me Mia, dear.”


	10. Safe

Aurelia was in James’ house. More specifically, in the bathroom of James’ house. Now naturally, that notion would’ve been undoubtedly better had James been there too, and had she not been betrothed to her arsehole death eater ex-boyfriend. 

Nevertheless, there she was, looking at her pitiful reflection in the mirror. The redness in her face and eyes refused to go down. She had been splattering cold water on her face for the better part of ten minutes, and while she had finally managed to stop the tears from uncontrollably escaping her eyes, she could not seem to rid herself of the redness. 

Thankfully, Sirius had provided her with a t-shirt to sleep in, as her dress robes from the wedding were terribly uncomfortable. It was a large, black t-shirt, which presumably fit him just swell, but which on her looked more like an inappropriately short dress. The words on the t-shirt spelled out PINK FLOYD, and there was a triangular symbol with a rainbow going through it. She figured it was some kind of muggle-related thing, like most of his items, but she was left wondering who this Floyd-person was. It was a good distraction, though, reflecting upon muggle names rather than death eaters and betrothals. 

She looked ridiculous in that t-shirt. Especially since her face was a right mess, and her hair was still up in a proper Edwardian roll hairstyle which her mother had insisted on. She felt ridiculous, too. She had been so blind not to see what was going on around her. She should’ve known weeks ago that something was up with Augustus and Lucius, she should’ve at least guessed what they were capable of… There weren’t words to describe what they had done, now. Whenever it crossed her mind, it felt as though she was being stabbed in the stomach with a knife, and she had to bend over to dull the pain. Physical pain, coming from emotional wounds. It wasn’t the first time she had experienced it, yet it still caught her by surprise. 

With a few deep breaths, she straightened her back again, staring at the girl in the mirror. The pale sixteen-year-old, with freckles on her nose and terrified, dejected grey eyes. The girl who, after everything that had happened, still loved her family despite the fact that they were ripping away any chance she had at happiness. That was often her problem in life, loving people too deeply, too unconditionally. It was an utterly ridiculous problem to have, yet it was one which repeatedly left her heartbroken as the people she loved never seemed to return that love in the same manner. She was left caring for everybody, more than she cared for herself, yet there was nobody who seemed to care most for her. 

After splashing her face again with the ice-cold water that had been running from the tap for several minutes, Aurelia undid her hair, surprised to find that the roll had left her normally lifeless hair in big, bouncy curls. Surely, it wouldn’t last long, but it was rather enchanting, and yet another distraction from the terrors her mind so desperately wanted to wander off to. 

Collecting herself for the moment, the girl attempted to stabilize her breathing before leaving the bathroom and finding herself back in the bedroom which, based on all the muggle items she didn’t recognize, was more likely Sirius’ than James’. 

“I made you tea. I didn’t know if you preferred herbal or earl grey, so I got you both,” Sirius explained, rambling, with one large cup of tea in each hand, as she entered the room again. On one hand, he looked scared, as though he had no idea how to handle all the tears and emotions, and on the other hand, he stared at her as though she had come out of there utterly starkers. 

“Thank you, Sirius,” she managed, taking the cup of herbal tea out of his hand, and bringing it up to her face to inhale the fumes. In a sense, it was calming; another way for her to stabilize her breathing, and to keep the tears from falling yet again. 

“Here, sit down,” he continued, gesturing for her to sit down at the edge of the bed, and sitting down next to her as he did so. She had never expected Sirius Black to be so thoughtful, although upon thinking about it, he had always been, ever since James first crashed into her a few months back. 

“Where is he?” she finally asked, after silently sipping her tea for a minute, her voice left raspy and weak from crying. 

“Some quidditch game with his dad, he’ll be back tomorrow.”

It was late, she realized. It had been at least thirty minutes since she arrived at the house, and even then, it had been unforgivably late.

“I’m keeping you up. You should sleep, it’s late,” she mumbled, looking down at her tea, suddenly feeling terrible for having her issues weighing down on him. 

“I don’t mind, Fawley. What happened? You’re not the only one who has showed up here past midnight in this state, you know. You can talk to me.”

She silently remembered how Sirius had to have ended up there, in the Potter residence, although when the boys were talking of it, it always seemed so undramatic. As though he had just decided to move in one day, and now they were practically brothers. On the other hand, she had heard the talk, the rumours. He had been labelled a blood-traitor. His mother spoke of him with such resentment in her voice, declaring that he was no son of hers. She figured it had to have been a bloody mess, much like her life was now, but she couldn’t imagine it. Sirius was lively, sarcastic and obscenely confident, and it seemed impossible that he had ever been broken or terrified – like her. 

“Fawley? Please, talk to me.”

“They’re having me betrothed to Lestrange,” she bluntly stated, no sign of the inner war between calm and collapse. Lestrange, who had tried to force himself on her just three months ago. Lestrange, who thought of her as a prized possession. Lestrange, who tortured and murdered innocent people for what was in their blood. A lone tear escaped her eye, but all energy had escaped her, and she did nothing but sit there in dejection, slowly and steadily breathing in the fumes of her tea.

“Rabastan,” he responded, with comprehension in his low voice.

“He’s vile, Sirius. He used to…” 

“James told me about Easter, you don’t need to explain.”

“I didn’t think it could get any worse. But… he took the mark. He’s a death eater now. Your brother, Regulus, I think he was trying to warn me but I…”

She lost all her composition at the thought of actually marrying him, spending a lifetime in despair rather than happiness, with abuse rather than love, with Rabastan rather than James. The mere thought of it broke her down, and she wondered how she could possibly survive it in reality. 

She had thought the tears had run out long ago, yet there they were again, pouring uncontrollably into her teacup, which was soon taken out of her hands and placed on the nightstand. Steady arms wrapped themselves around her, holding her together as the world crumbled around her. 

“It’ll be alright, Fawley. You’re not marrying him. You hear me? It’s not going to happen.” 

“Bu…but Augustus… Lucius… They’re… They took it too!” she sobbed, breaking down, drowning in the realization that she had already lost them both; that she had lost her brother. She was alone, now. Her father, who had always had her back, had agreed to give her away to a death eater, probably much to her mother’s delight. Her brother, who on odd occasions let her in completely, had willingly pledged his allegiance to a murderous monster. Her cousin, who had taken the blame and punishments for her since she was born, had chosen murder, torture and darkness. She loved them. She loved them with all of her being, with every inch of her body and whatever filled it. And yet, they were all filled with so much hate, it seemed they weren’t capable of anything else. 

She was trembling as he hushed her, rocked her in his arms, assuring her that she was not alone. That she had them; him, James, Remus and Peter. That she would be alright, no matter happened. That she wasn’t defined by their actions, and that she had a choice. That she always had a choice. Ironically, it was that choice that scared her the most.

Aurelia almost fell asleep like that, in James’ house, in Sirius’ arms; in tears. For whatever reason, she felt safe there, in his arms. There was safety in him, too - home in him, too. There was no need to explain anything to Sirius, there was no need for making words out of emotions and neglectfully stutter them out. He understood. He had struggled with the same issues, felt the same way, fought the same fight. And so, he knew. He knew when to remain silent. He knew when to speak. He knew what words to say. He knew when to simply hold her, to keep her from falling apart. 

For a moment, she wondered if he always had. She wondered if he had seen her far before even James had. Perhaps he had looked at her months ago when James ran straight into her, and seen someone like himself, someone lost. Perhaps he had seen right through her already then, and picked up her books only to help her with something. 

Aurelia found herself ignoring a flutter in her stomach at the realization of just how close he was as they lay on his bed, his arms around her, his breath heavy on her neck. It was a small flutter, a soft one. An insignificant one. One which probably derived from pain, rather than anything else. And yet, she wasn’t nervous, not anymore. She wasn’t scared, not at the moment. She was safe.

\---

“What the fuck, Padfoot?”

The familiar voice rung in her head as she slept, nearly making its way into her dream, but finally waking her up. It wasn’t soft and sweet, the way she recognized it, yet it was there; his voice. She forced open the grey, bloodshot eyes, scanning the room and settling on hazel. Beautiful, deep hazel that brought tears to her eyes yet again. 

“James,” she sighed out in relief, and within seconds, the girl had flung herself off the bed, and onto the tall boy standing in the doorframe with a perplexed look on his face. 

“Wha… Lia, are you alright?”

“She’s far from alright, Prongs. You might just have another pureblood runaway on your hands.”

He pushed her away, softly, only to take her face in his hands, wiping away the tears from her cheeks with his thumbs. 

“What happened?” He asked, his voice soft again like she remembered it. Soft in a way that made her want to melt into him, or just break down completely, or perhaps both at once. 

“It’s… Rabastan.”

“What did he do? Did he hurt you? I swear to Merlin I will…”

“They’re going to make me marry him.”

“Not going to happen, Lia. I won’t let it.”

“Him… My brother, my cousin. They’re all… death eaters.”

He was silent at that, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and neck, kissing the top of her head, and so she melted into him. She wrapped her arms around him, burying her face between his shoulder and his chest, wishing she could get away with staying there forever.


	11. Solutions

”Lia? Lia, love. Wake up.”

The darkness surrounding her would’ve startled her if it weren’t for the comfort in James’ soft voice. She had forgotten she was with him, and as she opened her eyes she realized she had fallen asleep on his bed at some point. She wasn’t sure how she had ended up in there, nor how long she had been there, but there was some sort of calm surrounding her. The things she had learned at the wedding didn’t quite have the same effect on her anymore, and now, rather than feeling panicked and despondent, there was a stillness within her. Not a positive stillness, but yet, calm. 

“Hi,” she mumbled, with a small smile as she met his worried gaze. He was sitting on the side of the bed, his hand softly placed on her arm, and she could just catch glimpse of an equally worried gaze from Sirius standing in the doorway.

“You’ve been asleep all day. How are you feeling?”

“Bloody hell, Prongs, how do you think she’s feeling?”

“Nobody asked you, Padfoot.”

“I’m… fine,” she managed, and while it perhaps wasn’t entirely truthful, having the both of them around did make her feel better, at least.

“Mum’s making supper, do you think you’d be up for joining us downstairs?” 

“Otherwise we can bring some up for you,” Sirius chirped in, earning himself another glare from James, who clearly wasn’t happy with his best friend at the moment. It made Aurelia wonder if it was her fault. There was this instant sense of not wanting to stay there, if her presence took a strain on their friendship. 

“I’d need a shower first,” she concluded, realizing that she didn’t have any clothes besides from the terrible dress robes from yesterday, and the muggle t-shirt she was currently wearing. 

“Of course, love. Mind if I join you?”

“Disgusting, James. Could you be any more insensitive?”

“What are you still doing here? This is my room!” 

“Now, now, boys, that’s enough. Your bickering is not doing any good here, now run along.” 

Sirius backed out of the doorframe at Mrs. Potter’s voice, which was much friendlier now than it had been when Aurelia arrived after the wedding. Granted, she had come banging on their door in the middle of the night, and half her family were bloody death eaters; no wonder the woman had been on her guard.

“Yes, James, that goes for you too. Downstairs, please.”

The woman had taken Sirius’ place in the doorframe, and while her voice was kind and soft, her hazel eyes were determined as they locked onto her son. 

“Alright, alright, mum! I’m going!” he bitterly replied, reminding her for a moment of a sulky child who hadn’t gotten the sugar quill they wanted. The notion brought a small smile to her lips as she looked up at him where he was still sitting at the edge of the bed.

“I’ll see you soon, alright love?” he murmured, placing a soft kiss on her forehead before he got up and left the room, much to Aurelia’s dismay.

\---

“You must be quite the witch, having both my boys fuss over you like that,” the older witch remarked, as she entered the room holding a stack of neatly folded clothes in her arms.

“Oh no, I’m nothing special.”

“I don’t believe that for a second, dear. Now, your family is looking for you. Not to worry, they don’t know that you’re here. But I was wondering if I have your permission to contact your grandfather? I used to work for him at the ministry, and well, we best come up with a solution before Monty and I get in trouble for keeping a minor here. You are sixteen, are you not?”

“Yes, I’m sixteen,” Aurelia mumbled in response, pulling herself up in a seated position on the bed. She hadn’t even considered the possibility that James’ parents could get in trouble for taking her in, if only for a day so far. It wasn’t fair of her to ask that of them, and so she knew Mia was right. They did need to come up with a solution, and seeing that her father had agreed to this bloody betrothal, it was likely the Malfoys were in charge of the family now, and thus, contacting her grandfather was not the solution. Hector Fawley, despite being a retired Minister for Magic, appeared not to be in charge of his own family anymore, given the recent union between the Malfoys and the Blacks. 

“I doubt grandfather is in a position to help, but thank you for the offer. I don’t wish to impose on your hospitality, Mrs. Potter, so I should be going tonight.”

“It’s Mia, dear. And you have clearly misunderstood me. The boys would never forgive me if you were to leave now. I want you to stay for as long as you’d like. We just need to sort things out with your parents first.”

“Thank you, Mia. Let me deal with my parents.”

“Alright. I found some fresh clothes for you at the back of my closet, I hope they’ll do. I imagine you’d like to shower before dinner?”

“I do. Thank you.”

\---

Aurelia was in the shower for what felt like an eternity, washing off any trace of the disastrous evening before, and letting feelings of betrayal and guilt wash down the drain. She needed a plan, desperately. Her parents wouldn’t simply agree to letting her stay with the Potters and break the betrothal they had set up, and she knew it wouldn’t matter what Mia said. The facts were still absolute. She was a minor and under the care of her parents, and thus, she would have to come home and eventually marry Lestrange. Unless she came up with an unfailing plan. 

Luckily, negotiating was somewhat of Aurelia’s area of expertise. Seeing that magical law enforcement was the career she had strived for since she was just a child, she had done plenty of negotiating in her days. She had negotiated for the last treacle tart, for the latest dress robes, and for getting out of spending weekends in Wiltshire. She had negotiated for a visit to muggle London, for private lessons in apparition, and more recently, for spending Easter holidays at Hogwarts. Surely, she could negotiate her way out of a marriage to Rabastan Lestrange; somehow. The only issue was that negotiating meant she would have to give something up, too. She needed to figure out a way of getting what she wanted, but still giving them what they wanted, which wasn’t the easiest thing to do. 

After her shower, Aurelia put on the simple black dress which Mia had left for her, and made her way downstairs where the family was gathered in the kitchen. They really were like a family, with Sirius in it too; much more so than her family had ever been. It just seemed so natural, the four of them in the kitchen, each with their own tasks. There were no house elves there to cook, yet none of them seemed troubled over it. James and Sirius were harmlessly bickering while setting the table, levitating plates and glasses through the room in a manner which had her worried they would smash into each other. 

“You must be Ms. Fawley, it’s a pleasure to meet you. I’ve heard so much about you,” Mr. Potter said as he rose from his chair at the sight of her, dropping his newspaper, although the vegetables kept on being chopped. She had expected him to shake her hand, although the elderly man pulled her in for an embrace.

“It’s lovely to meet you too, Mr. Potter. Call me Aurelia, please.”

The man sat back down in his chair with a friendly smile on his lips, crossing his arms around over his chest. He looked so much like James, like an older version of James, but without the glasses and with bright blue eyes rather than hazel ones.

“Or just Lia. Everyone calls her that,” James added with a smile, as he set down the plates on the table with a thump. 

“Alright, Lia. And you may call me Monty, Fleamont is a bit of a mouthful to be honest,” he confessed, glancing over his shoulder as his wife put her hands on his shoulders. 

“The dress looks lovely on you dear, I’m glad it fit. Let’s eat, shall we?” Mrs. Potter bid with a smile, as she swiftly levitated the pots and pans over to the dining table, as everyone took their seats, James next to her with a comforting yet encouraging hand resting on her back. The whole situation was odd. 

There she was, having dinner with his family like it was the most natural thing in the world, whereas her family would’ve lost their wits if they knew about her relationship with James. They were different, to say the least, and she wished her family could be more like his; less complicated, and more familiar. It was no wonder that he was such a bright and comforting person, seeing that he had grown up in such a warm family. 

“So, Aurelia. Did you get a chance to think about the situation with your parents?” Mia inquired, as she poured some gravy on her plate. 

“I did. I’m going to send them a letter later tonight. I think I came up with a solution that will keep them happy enough.” 

“What’s the solution?” Sirius asked bitterly. 

“I’m going to make them give me five more years.”

“Five more years to what?”

“To marry someone of my choice.”

“And if you don’t?”

“Well, I’ve got to give them something, don’t I?”

“What? No Lia, you can’t,” James argued, finally having caught up to the conversation between the other teens. 

“Don’t worry, James. It won’t happen. Five years is a long time.”

\---

Later that evening, Aurelia sat in the guestroom which James reluctantly had showed her to, about to write a letter to her parents. Some people seemed able to get everything they wanted in life; family, love, success. She couldn’t quite figure out how they did it. Perhaps it was simply luck, and she deeply hoped that someday she could get a portion of that luck, so that she could keep both James and her family. For now, though, she needed to focus on the dilemma at hand. Either she would have to marry Rabastan and be miserable for the rest of her life, or she would leave her family and never look back. And seeing as neither of the options were acceptable, she picked up her quill and wrote a letter to her parents, hoping to Merlin that they would agree to her proposal.

\---

_Mother & Father_

_I hope this letter reaches you well. As you may have been made aware, I have been informed about your planning my betrothal to Rabastan Lestrange without my knowledge. I was under the impression that we had an understanding, and that you had given me your word that I would be allowed to marry out of love when the time came. Given the current circumstances, I understand that a more formal agreement is necessary. _

_First of all, let me assure you of one thing. Should you move ahead with your plans regarding my betrothal to Rabastan Lestrange, I will instantaneously elope with a muggle and you will never see me again. But perhaps more importantly to you, the family name will be dragged into the mud. _

_Now, seeing that my future marriage seems to be at the top of your priorities, I have a suggestion to make. _

_You will allow me, as initially agreed upon, to marry out of love. Should I, at turning 21 years old, have failed to marry a pureblood wizard, you may arrange a betrothal to a wizard of your choosing. However, I will have you know that Rabastan, on several occasions, has attempted to force himself upon me, and I highly doubt that he is the kind of wizard you would want to wed your daughter. _

_If you agree to these terms, we can arrange for a meeting to discuss the matter further. _

_Your daughter,  
Aurelia Rose Fawley._


	12. Arguments

Aurelia Fawley was fuming. Of all the arguments she had ever had with her mother this was, by far, the worst. She had come back to Fawley Manor in good faith, seeing that her parents’ letter had, in other words, said that they agreed to her terms. But naturally, as soon as she arrived at the bloody house, her mother had started throwing hexes and yelling at her about what a spoiled brat she was. By this point, she really shouldn’t be surprised anymore, yet she still was. 

“You think you’re just brilliant, don’t you? Making a bloody contract for us to agree to! When I was your age, I had already been betrothed to your father for four years, and I’ll have you know that you’re still underage and it is up to us to decide what to do with you!”

“So you’d marry me off to a rapist just because you had to marry dad when you were seventeen? That’s rich, mother, really.”

“Oh please, Aurelia. I did not raise you to be such a drama queen! I will not have you using such a vocabulary, and especially not when talking of Rabastan Lestrange!” 

“That’s right, you raised me to be a murdering blood purist, I must’ve forgot! Sorry to disappoint, mother. Now, you will agree to my bloody terms or so help me I will marry the first muggle I come across!”

“You treacherous little prat! I vow to Merlin I will…”

“Ambrosia,” her father finally warned, interrupting his wife from where he stood in the doorway, having silently observed as he so often did. 

“You are no better, father. To think that I actually trusted you!”

“I was only trying to protect you, dear. This war is coming whether we want it to or not.”

“And having me marry Rabastan is your idea of protecting me?”

“We were obviously mistaken. We will agree to your terms, so long as you come back home.”

“We will do no such thin…” Ambrosia refused, once again being cut off by her husband.

“Ambrosia!” he warned, a second time, managing to silence his wife, much to Aurelia’s surprise. She rarely saw her parents argue like this, but when she did see them argue, it never played out the way it did now. Something was off. The way her mother grew quiet, not overthrowing her husband as the Malfoy she was… Yes, something was off, and Aurelia had every intention to find out what it was.

“You will marry a pure blood wizard, not a day later than your 21st birthday,” the older witch bid, staring her daughter down, earning a small nod in response.

“Not a damn half-blood, not a blood traitor, someone appropriate.” 

“Yes, mother.” 

“Fine. You’re moving back in right this instant and I do not want to hear any complaints.”

“I will not be locked up in here like some house elf! I want permission to come and go as I wish.” 

“Of course, dear,” Charles sighed, casting a quick, yet stern glance at his wife who remained silent at the notion. 

“Alright, then I’ll see you tonight,” the girl bid quickly, hoping to get away without the refusal of her mother, in vain of course.

“And just where do you think you’re going?” Ambrosia hissed, looking as though she was about to snap any second now. 

“To see my boyfriend. And not to worry, mother, his blood is perfectly pure!” she spat out, before taking her leave.

She would’ve flooed to the Potter house, but seeing that such transportation would require her revealing her whereabouts (and possibly said boyfriend’s identity), she uncharacteristically walked out the front door, and slammed it shut as she left.

\---

Summer would be over in a blink. It always was; so, she could live with the fact that she would have to spend it at her parents’ house. For once, she couldn’t wait to go back to Hogwarts. There, she could be away from all the darkness that had infested her life. She could be alone with James, and she could drop the bloody act she had to keep up around her family and their friends. At Hogwarts, she had her own friends now. Friends who liked her for who she was, not for who they wanted her to be. Somehow, she felt as though this year, Hogwarts might become the sanctuary she had yearned for all these years; a home. 

It didn’t take long for the Knight Bus to arrive at Fawley Manor, despite its off location in the moors of Yorkshire. For a moment, she wished she was old enough to apparate rather than having to take the bus, something which she knew very well how to do, but technically wasn’t allowed to learn just yet. But then she remembered the agreement she had just made with her parents, and she wasn’t at all excited for her seventeenth birthday anymore. Because seventeen was one step closer to twenty-one. One step closer to her deadline; and it wasn’t a pretty deadline. 

While Fawley Manor was an undeniably handsome building, framed by beautiful scenery, the Potter house just oozed of home, which was a whole different kind of beauty. Words couldn’t describe the relief Aurelia felt at being back there, and while her realism objected, she wished she could stay there for the remainder of summer. 

A tall boy with messy black hair and rounded gold frame glasses came running out of the house at her arrival, nearly kicking her off her feet as he ran into an embrace. Her boy. Her boyfriend. Well, they hadn’t exactly defined their relationship, and she had never called him that out loud before she said it to her parents just moments ago, but she knew what they were. That was all that mattered. She loved him, and he loved her.

“What happened, Lia?” he cried out, as he grabbed her shoulders and took a step back to inspect her face which, judging by the look on his face, was a bit roughed up.

“Mother happened,” she replied calmly, placing her hands on his arms in an attempt to calm him down.

“Really, James, it’s nothing to worry about.”

“Nothing to worry about? Damnit, Lia, you’re bleeding!” 

“It doesn’t matter. They agreed to my terms, I’m not marrying Rabastan!”

“That’s great, love. But we should really get you inside so mum can have a look at you, alright?”

As she nodded, he dropped his hands from her shoulders and led her into the house, where they were intercepted by its remaining three residents. 

“Oh darling, you’re bleeding!” exclaimed Mrs. Potter as she immediately pulled out her wand to start cleaning the cut on the pale girl’s face.

“So I’ve been told,” Aurelia mumbled, throwing an annoyed glance up at James. Truthfully, she was amazed at having these people care for her, but there was something about the attention, about the pity, that made her uncomfortable. She had never had anyone fuss over her like that, except for the very few occasions when her father had been home to witness her mother’s many punishments. The way James and his parents were acting just now, it made her feel as though she should be pitied; as though she was a victim of sorts. And while deep down she knew she was a victim of her mother’s harsh ways, she didn’t appreciate feeling like one. 

“Did they agree?” 

Sirius voice cut like a knife through all the noise of worried voices, and inflicted a silence in the room. A much needed silence for the sixteen-year-old. 

“They did. I’ve got five years. Or well, nearly five years. February 1982. But I have to move back in, at least until I’m seventeen.”

“Move back in? Oh, hell no. You expect me to let you go back there when they throw bloody slicing hexes at you?!” 

“It’s not like it’s a daily routine, James. It’s their only requirement, and summer will be over in a blink. I’m going back.” 

“No, you’re not.” 

“What do you want me to do James? Leave and never look back? Never see them again? It’s like you don’t know me at all!” 

“Well, maybe I don’t,” the young wizard concluded, hazel eyes colder than usual as he turned his heel and decidedly walked up the stairs.

“James!” Mrs. Potter exclaimed in a harsh tone, following her son up the stairs in a rush.

“Don’t worry, dear. He’ll come around. I suspect Sirius here has a better idea of what you’re going through than I do, so I’ll take my leave. Let me know if you need anything, I’ve got quite the stash of pepper-up potion, or murtlap essence should you need it,” Mr. Potter said with a kind smile before he too, left the hallway.

\---

“He’s just trying to protect you, you know,” Sirius mumbled, in a brave attempt to break the silence that filled the hallway since the older wizard left. 

“Yes, well, I’ve been taking care of myself for the past sixteen years. And I’ve already got enough people telling me what to do.”

“Too many, Fawley. But Prongs isn’t one of them,” the boy remarked, putting his left arm over his shoulder and leading her towards the kitchen.

“Now, how about a butterbeer and that murtlap essence?” he continued, conjuring a bottle and a flask and setting them down on the table before sitting down and pouring the butterbeer into two glasses. 

It was quite obvious that Mr. Potter had been correct in his assumption. Sirius did know how to deal with this. Aurelia could only guess that his parents had put him through similar ordeals while he was still living there. She had met the pair on several occasions, and Mrs. Black was an intimidating woman to say the least, much more so than Aurelia’s own mother. Ambrosia Fawley was quite collected and sociable, believe it or not. But once in a while she would throw a fit worthy of Morgana herself. But Mrs. Black, despite the exterior smile during social events, had a darkness to her eyes that Aurelia’s mother couldn’t nearly match. Just thinking about it gave Aurelia the chills. 

“Walburga nearly killed me, you know,” he calmly stated, breaking the silence as though he had known exactly what she was thinking. 

“When she kicked me out of the house… It really scared James, seeing me like that. And this…” he said, gesturing at her bruised and bloodied face.

“… this probably reminded him of that, and scared the shit out of him. Hell, it even scared the shit out of me, Fawley.”

“I’m sorry, Sirius. I didn’t know. Mother would never…” 

“You tell yourself they couldn’t possibly…” he mumbled, cutting her off, once again as if he knew what she was going to say, what she was thinking.

“… because they carried you for nine months, nursed you as a baby, you know. But that’s a dangerous thing to tell oneself, Fawley, and if you’re going to insist on taking care of yourself, you’d better do it properly.” 

Now here was a boy who never seized to surprise her. Sirius Black was lecturing her, sounding rather old and wise, to be honest, and it was shocking beyond belief. 

“How old are you?” she asked, shaking her head in disbelief at his sudden seriousness and proclaimed wisdom, and took a sip from her glass of butterbeer. 

“Well, I’m two years older than you at least, so I’d say that gives me some serious credibility.”

“I don’t believe that for a second, you’re seventeen and that’s that.”

“Not for long, I’m not.” 

“Right, and how would you define ‘not for long’?” 

“Oh no, Fawley. You made the mistake of giving away your birthday, I’m not making the same one,” he grinned, any sign of the previous seriousness gone as the twinkle in his eye returned.

“Oh, for Merlin’s sake, Padfoot! Will you stop trying to chat up my witch?!”

James had entered the kitchen, and if he had been angry before, that was no match for the look on his face now. He was staring his friend down with nothing but fire in his gaze, and as his tone had warned, it seemed as though he had snapped. 

“Relax, mate, I wasn’t trying to chat her up,” Sirius grunted nosily, as he got up from his chair and bumped into James’ shoulder as he left the kitchen. 

It was a troublesome realization. While she had wondered about their many arguments, and suspected that she had something to do with them, it still threw her off. James was jealous, and obviously thought that Sirius fancied her or something. But that couldn’t be right, could it? Sirius was a bloody womanizer, and quite cosy with Marlene for that matter. But Marlene hadn’t been around much lately, and Aurelia had yet to figure out why. 

“He was only trying to explain your behaviour, James.”

“Well, I’m sorry about that. But it’s obvious he fancies you, and…”

“We’re friends, James, and he understands… all this.”

“He understands, now does he?”

“Oh, damn it, James, are you trying to argue with me?”

“I’m trying to _keep_ you!”

“Well, you can start by apologizing… to your best mate. You know, the boy who you helped when his mother tried to kill him? That guy.”

“Bloody hell, Lia! Why do you always have to be so right?”

“Padfoot!” the boy then exclaimed, leaving the kitchen just about as quickly as he had entered it, running up the stairs after his friend. And Aurelia was alone again, quietly sipping her butterbeer and padding the cut on her cheek with murtlap essence, hoping that it wouldn’t take too long to heal. 

She knew she couldn’t stay long, and she wanted to talk to James, to simply be with him, before she left. But that didn’t really matter now, when he had been arguing with Sirius and was trying to work it out. She hoped they could. It wasn’t much to work out, really. It had to be a misunderstanding, as Sirius couldn’t possibly be harbouring some secret feelings towards her. He was Sirius Black for Merlin’s sake. He could have just about anyone he wanted… But then again, so could James. And for whatever the reason, James had chosen to be with her. 

She realized then what he had said, upon seeing them when he entered the kitchen. He had called her his witch; his. That was all she needed to hear. It didn’t matter that she’d have to spend the rest of summer at Fawley Manor. It didn’t matter that her head was still throbbing with pain from the cut, and it didn’t matter that she didn’t have a family to rely on; because she had him. She had him, and that was all she needed.


	13. Grounded

”Promise me you’ll come back immediately if she tries anything like this again,” James mumbled softly into her neck.

They were lying on his bed in the Potter house, his arms wrapped securely around her, neither of them accepting the fact that she probably should’ve left over an hour ago. It was past midnight, and the evening had passed quickly given all the arguments that had taken place. First, Aurelia and James had argued about the fact that she was moving back to her parents. Then James had argued with Sirius for allegedly flirting with Aurelia. Then the two boys had spent hours in Sirius’ room, supposedly working things out. The young witch had no clue as to what had been said between the pair, but quite frankly, so long as they were back to being friends, she was happy. Either way, she didn’t believe it for a second, that thought lingering at the back of her mind; Sirius Black could not be harboring a crush on her. It was a ridiculous accusation on James’ account, and she had come to the conclusion that he was simply jealous of the fact that they had something terrible in common that made him feel left out. 

“She would only follow me,” the girl replied, truthfully. Her mother wasn’t known to give up very easily. 

“The wards will let you in, not her.”

“I don’t think that would stop her.”

“You’d be safe, at least, with us.”

She didn’t know whether he was right or wrong, but she did feel safe with him, in his arms, where she was now. That had to count for something; she knew it did. 

“Lia?”

“Yes?”

“Do you promise?”

“Yes, alright, alright. I promise, if you promise to play nice with your best mate.” 

“Deal.” 

Aurelia stayed there with him for another good twenty minutes, before dragging herself out of his bed at a quarter to one. Her mother would be furious, but for these precious moments with him, it was worth it. She wasn’t sure how long her parents would hold up their promise that she could come and go as she wanted, and thus, she had no idea how much more she’d be able to see James this summer. It broke her heart to leave him just then, slowly walking towards the bedroom door. 

“I’ll see you soon,” she mumbled turning around to meet those beautiful hazel eyes of his, and his dejected face.

“And if they won’t let me leave, then you can always come to Yorkshire and stir up the cauldron a bit,” she added with a weak grin, earning one of his in response.

“Your mother would love that, wouldn’t she?”

“I think you would love that. Her-not so much.”

As soon as she had turned around and put her hand on the door handle, he was out of bed, his arms wrapped around her from behind. 

“Don’t leave,” he whispered into her hair, his words forcing her to turn around and wrap her arms around him, holding on to him as though her life depended on it. 

She didn’t know why saying goodbye was so difficult this time. Perhaps it was because of the lingering feeling that she wouldn’t see him again before term started, or because of how she had gotten so used to having him close these past couple of days. Either way, it was near impossible to leave that house, to leave his embrace. 

“I wish I could stay,” she whispered in response, placing a soft kiss on his lips; one that quite immediately developed into a more desperate one, a pleading one. By the time she pulled away from him they were already halfway back to the bed, faces flushed and fingers entwined. 

“James,” she complained, with a slight grin on her face, well aware of the fact that it wasn’t entirely his fault that she was unable to leave.

“That is not the way I’d like to hear you say my name right now, but fine. I will let you leave,” he joked, although Aurelia could tell that he meant every word as he dramatically took his hands off her and placed them firmly behind his back. 

“I’ll miss you,” she mumbled, placing another soft peck on his lips, earning a growl from the young wizard.

“You’re not making this easy, love. Better leave now before I change my mind,” he warned, a hint of disappointment in his voice as he held his hands firmly behind his back.

“Alright, alright, I’m going. Love you.”

“Oh, sod it!” he exclaimed at her words, his soft and determined lips back on hers only moments later. 

While she most definitely didn’t want to, she pulled away from him once again, her hands softly pushing at his chest.

“Goodbye, James.” 

“Bye, love.”

\---

“What in Salazar’s name have you been up to?!”

Aurelia should’ve expected her mother to wait up for her. In fact, after the bomb she had dropped on her parents just before leaving, she should’ve expected them to hunt her down at the very least. 

“I don’t care just how pure this so-called boyfriend’s blood is; this behaviour of yours is completely unacceptable! You are ruining any marriage prospects you might have with this obscene lack of respect for your virtue. Needless to say, you are grounded.”

There was no use arguing, refusing or explaining. Ambrosia Fawley had clearly made up her mind, and as a result, Aurelia had yet another terrible summer holiday ahead of her. It was nothing out of the ordinary. And perhaps the issue was that she had expected something out of the ordinary. As long as she was under seventeen, and still living with her parents, nothing was going to change for the better. She was stuck abiding under their rules, which most probably revolved around her spending the whole summer alone in Yorkshire. 

She went to bed that night, wishing she hadn’t gone back home to her parents, although the consequences of that may have been worse. The problem was, she had only been away from him for less than an hour, and she already missed him. Just the thought of surviving another six weeks without seeing him, was unbearable. And yet, it was one she was going to have to get used to.


	14. Return

Never in her entire life had Aurelia lived through a longer summer. Time had passed so slowly, and on top of that, it had been lonely and insufferably silent. Silence had never bothered her before, not the way it did now. But now, it was as though it was haunting her; the lack of noise, laughter, sarcasm and mocking. During the few months she had spent with James and his friends, she hadn’t only gotten used to the loudness, she had started to love it. In fact, she was finding it terribly difficult to live without.

She hadn’t seen James any more that summer. But they had sent letters to one another; lots of letters, nearly every day. Well, besides from the last two weeks, after her mother had paid notice to all the owls being sent away daily, and made sure of it that Aurelia neither received nor sent any letters. Needless to say, the sixteen-year-old couldn’t wait to go back to school. It was a calming thought, knowing that the next time she would be in that bloody manor she would be seventeen, and a legal adult. Well, unless her mother forced her to come home for Christmas, that was. Although Aurelia was certain she would find a way to get out of that, too.

While seventeen was one step closer to twenty-one, and the marriage deadline she did not want to be reminded of, it would also simplify her life significantly. She could write to James during breaks, she could see him, and her mother would have no right to interfere. Hell, she could even move out of the manor if she wanted to. Seventeen, she thought, would not be so bad, and she would count the days these five months remaining before her birthday.

\---

She had looked for him at King’s Cross Station, quite desperately so, although he was nowhere to be seen in the crowds; and neither were his friends. Usually, she would try to find an empty compartment on the Hogwarts express, and eventually be joined by some people she didn’t know, some fellow Hufflepuffs, or some Slytherin boys eager to impress her. This year, however, she wasn’t looking for an empty compartment. She was looking for James. 

Eventually, she ended up finding Sirius and Peter alone in a compartment at the very front of the train, her messy-haired Gryffindor chaser nowhere to be seen.

“Fawley! Thank Godric you’re alright!” Sirius exclaimed as she entered the compartment, and soon had her wrapped in a tight hug, whereas Peter awkwardly stayed in his seat curiously eyeing them. 

“It’s good to see you, Sirius,” she responded with a slight smile, relaxing for the first time in weeks into his embrace. 

“And you, too, Peter,” she added with a smile as Sirius let go of her and they took their seats in the compartment.

“Where is he?” she asked, glancing back at the window on the compartment door, but the corridor was empty. Usually, it was an unspoken rule that wherever you found his friends, you would also find James, but too often now, Aurelia seemed to be asking his friends of his whereabouts. 

“In the prefects’ compartment,” Peter responded casually, as he threw another Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Bean at his mouth, but missed, and sighed as the bean landed on the compartment floor. 

“Please don’t tell me this is another one of your pranks! We haven’t even arrived at Hogwarts yet,” the witch complained, although her real issue wasn’t with their pranks, but with the fact that whatever prank he was up to seemed more important than seeing her after six weeks apart. 

“Oh, you don’t know? Now that’s what I call a surprise,” Sirius teased, not seeming nearly as worried as Aurelia.

“What surprise? What’s going on?”

“Our dear Prongs has been elected Head Boy.”

“Not funny, Sirius. Just tell me the truth already.”

“I know it’s shocking, Fawley, but it’s the truth, alright.”

Not only was it shocking, but it was so improbable that she still considered it to be a prank. Now, if it were Remus Lupin who had been made Head Boy, Aurelia wouldn’t have been shocked at all. Where Remus was responsible and studious, and a prefect at that, James was unpredictable, impulsive and cared much more about quidditch tournaments than he did grades. And while Aurelia loved all those things about him, they were not qualities which generally improved someone’s chances of becoming Head Boy. 

“I’ll believe that when I see it,” she mumbled at the somewhat smug boy sitting next to her, before turning to the blonde boy whose undivided attention was aimed at the Bertie Bott’s beans in his hands. 

“How was your summer, Peter?”

“It was good. My parents brought me to France. You should see the doxies over there, it’s a bloody infestation if you ask me! How about you?”

“That sounds brilliant, Pete. Let’s just say I’m glad that summer is over, I just wish that James would-“ 

The young witch was interrupted as the compartment door flung open, and another witch rushed through it, wrapping her arms around the petite blonde in a bone crushing embrace.

“Lia! I haven’t heard from you in weeks, are you alright?!”

“I’m fine, Marlene! It’s good to see you too,” she replied, unable to conceal a smile at the positive, beaming energy that was Marlene McKinnon; an energy that slightly decreased at the sight of Sirius Black.

“Sirius. Peter,” she greeted stiffly at the pair, before turning her gaze back at her friend.

“Did you know James got Head Boy? Plain insanity if you ask me! Poor Lily will have to do twice the work any Head Girl has ever had to do, if not more!” 

“Lily?” 

“Lily Evans, our Lily. I mean it’s no surprise she got Head Girl, she’s a walking dictionary, that one,” joked a short brunette from behind Marlene.

“I’m Mary, by the way,” the brunette added with a small wave, causing Peter to drop his entire box of Bertie Bott’s on the compartment floor, without so much as a sigh at the incident. 

“It’s nice to meet you Mary, I’m Aurelia.” 

“Well, Mary and I should be on our way before Dorcas starts to really wonder. Would you like to join us, Lia? I know it’s not for many hours, but men can be such dogs,” Marlene grunted, locking her eyes onto Sirius, and Aurelia had to force down a laugh. 

“I vividly recall that’s how you like your men, Marley,” Sirius teased before the younger witch had the chance to respond, and although Aurelia had no idea what had happened between the pair, she could barely keep herself from laughing at Sirius’ remark.

“Thanks, Marlene, but I’m fine here. I’ll see you at Hogwarts, alright?”

“Suit yourself.”

“Bye Aurelia, Peter,” Mary beamed at them, before following her friend out of the compartment. 

It wasn’t long before Peter had gotten up to his feet, looking awkwardly between Sirius and the compartment door. It was silent for a while, as he stood, looking positively torn and anguished.

“I should prob-“ he finally begun, but was quickly cut off by his friend.

“Go ahead, Wormtail.”

Peter left in a rush, presumably chasing after Mary, who had caught his attention so swiftly. Aurelia realized that although she had spent a lot of time with these boys last term, and considered them some of her best (and only) friends, there was so much she didn’t know about them. There was obviously something going on between Peter and Mary, yet she had never heard the boy mention the brunette witch before. And while Sirius seemed to know most the details of Aurelia’s quite chaotic life, she had no idea what had happened between him and Marlene, that had made the otherwise positive girl so contemptuous.

\---

“You never told me what happened between you and Marlene,” she mumbled, after quite a long-lasting silence had filled the compartment which suddenly only held two passengers. It wasn’t exactly awkward, the silence between them, although Aurelia had a strange feeling that perhaps it should be.

“That’s because there’s nothing to tell,” he muttered in response, fidgeting with the muggle device he had in his hands.

“Well, it’s obvious that something happened. But I suppose you don’t have to tell me. You don’t have to be friends with me just because I’m with James… I just thought we were,” she mumbled, somewhat incoherently. Surely, he had already told the boys what went down between him and Marlene, and on some level, it hurt her to be left out. 

Perhaps she was being greedy, because while she had James now, and while she had friends, it wasn’t really enough. They were only friends with her because of James, and she wasn’t really one of them. She was the odd one out, the one who never knew anyone’s secrets, and who still sat alone in the Great Hall for dinner. 

“Don’t get ahead of yourself, Fawley. We’re friends. As are Marley and I.”

“She doesn’t seem too convinced of that.”

“Don’t worry about it, she’ll come around.” 

“But you were more than friends before, weren’t you?”

“Merlin, Fawley, you’re insufferable, do you know that?” 

Sirius let out a deep sigh as he ran a hand through his ridiculously perfect hair and crossed his arms over his chest.

“I broke things off with her,” he stated bluntly, his grey eyes meeting hers hesitantly, as though he was expecting a scolding like no other. 

“Why?”

“It just wasn’t fair to her. She… I just didn’t feel… what she felt.”

“Oh…” 

Truthfully, Aurelia had never really considered that, but having seen them together, it was quite obvious how Marlene had felt about him. And well, before Aurelia had gotten to know Sirius, she wouldn’t have guessed that he’d be anything but casual with any girl. Seeing him with Marlene though, and getting to know him, had changed that perception. But now, she couldn’t quite make sense of it. They had seemed happy together, him and Marlene, and Aurelia could definitely see what good someone as bright and positive as Marlene could do for someone like him; someone with such a dark background. She seemed much like what James was to her; a sun, of sorts, lighting up just about everything in his surroundings. But then again, James was that to Sirius, too. 

“Don’t you think that perhaps you could?” She finally asked, deep in thought. 

“Could what?”

“Feel the same way about her? In time?”

“No.” 

His answer was simple, and came way too soon. He was certain, as though there wasn’t a doubt in his mind. It made her wonder why he had been with Marlene for so long in the first place, as the witch’s feelings had seemed so obvious. Perhaps she had been right in what she said before leaving the compartment, that men are dogs. But then again, Aurelia knew Sirius. And whilst, to some degree, he actually was a dog, Sirius Black had held her as she cried. He had listened to her troubles, and he had told her it was going to be alright. She couldn’t possibly believe that the same boy had completely played Marlene, well-aware of how it would hurt her. That didn’t seem like the Sirius Black she knew. 

“Why?” she inquired under her breath, after yet again giving in to her thoughts and speculations, unable to resist her curiosity. Unable to leave the conversation stuck wondering about his motives. 

“For fuck’s sake, Fawley! It wouldn’t be bloody fair to stay with her if I was in love with someone else, now would it? Now, are you going to keep buggering me about or do I get to have some privacy?”

“Of course, I’m sorry.”

The silence that followed their conversation was most definitely awkward. She knew better than to keep asking, seeing how he had snapped at her, yet she couldn’t help but to wonder about who he might be in love with. The memory of his argument with James while she was staying at the Potter house lingered at the back of her mind. It was a thought she didn’t dare, nor want to entertain, and so she forced herself into other ones.

“So… Peter and Mary?”

“Yeah. That’s been waiting to happen for too long,” he grinned, and Aurelia could finally relax again as he didn’t seem to hold a grudge against her for asking all those questions.

\---

She didn’t see James until the train reached Hogsmeade, and all the students were getting off the Hogwarts Express. He looked happy, as he was boarding a carriage with Remus, some other prefects, and Lily Evans; the head girl to his head boy.

Truthfully, Aurelia had just about forgotten about Lily Evans over the last couple of months. She had been spending so much time together with James, and gotten so close with him, that the intrusion that was Lily Evans had completely passed her by. And yet, there she was again. Worrying about Lily was inevitable, seeing that she was pretty much going to be living with James now. Her James. 

Her James, who prior to meeting Aurelia had publicly pronounced his undying love for the redhead countless times. Who had asked her out time and time again, in front of the entire school, only to be turned down each time. Her James, who had yet to so much as hold Aurelia’s hand in public after nearly five months together. 

The blonde had never been so scared of losing him before. Yet, it wasn’t that she didn’t trust James, because despite the fact that they weren’t exactly a couple, she did. She trusted him with all her heart. The issue was that whatever relationship they had, her and James, it had been too good to be true from the very beginning. Because Aurelia was nothing special, and Lily Evans most certainly was. It was as though somewhere, deep down, she had known all along that she wasn’t good enough for him. That she couldn’t possibly be. 

Seeing him just then, as he followed the radiant redhead onto the carriage, only confirmed that. He hadn’t even looked for her. Six weeks apart, out of which two weeks without any contact, and he didn’t seem to have a worry in the world. In fact, he seemed more concerned with holding doors open for the muggleborn who seemed to have everyone under her charm.

“You’ll see him soon enough, Fawley. No worries,” said Sirius encouragingly as he put his arm around her shoulder, as she had seen him do so many times with the boys, and walked her to a carriage. And while a small, yet terrifying thought at the back of her mind made her wonder if she still had James, it seemed as though she did have real friends after all.


	15. Avoidance

Most students gathered in the Great Hall for the sorting ceremony were bursting with laughter, genuine smiles glued to their joyous faces as they greeted friends they likely hadn’t seen much over the summer holidays. 

Over by the Slytherin table, Regulus Black was deep in conversation with his friend Severus Snape, and Priamos Parkinson was full on snogging Luella Avery. Aurelia vaguely remembered hearing about their betrothal at her cousin’s wedding nearly two months ago, and despite the union clearly being arranged, she couldn’t help but to think that they looked more than happy about it. 

At the Ravenclaw table, a large group of students were out of their seats, gathered around a seventh year who Aurelia recognized as Pandora Killick. The outspoken blonde seemed to be casting some sort of charm, and the crowd of Ravenclaws surrounding her burst out into laughter after following the girl’s wand movements in adoration. 

At her own table, Aurelia was probably the only one sitting quietly in her seat, as the Hufflepuffs were divided into many smaller groups sharing details of their summer holidays with each other. Lisa Collins, a muggleborn witch with whom Aurelia shared a dormitory, had politely asked the pure-blood about her summer before returning to her group of friends. The silvery blonde, who was probably the loneliest of Hufflepuffs, bitterly wondered if she could’ve been part of the giggling group of girls hadn’t her brother and cousin threatened the ‘filthy mudblood’ upon seeing her with Aurelia sometime in her first year. 

Reluctantly, the blonde let her gaze wander to the Gryffindor table, at the end of the Great Hall. She could just about feel her heart skip a beat as she first laid eyes on him, hazel eyes shimmering in line with his smile, as he playfully ruffled Sirius hair as he always did. 

They were sitting not only with Remus and Peter, she noticed, as James turned away from his best mate to smile at something the redhead next to him had said; Lily Evans. Marlene, Mary, and a beautiful witch with olive skin, who Aurelia suspected was Dorcas, were also sitting with the marauders, all looking exceptionally content and perfectly in place. It dawned upon her that the group fit so well together, and that she would never truly be a part of that. She was, and had always been, an outsider; in her family, in her Hogwarts house, and now in her group of friends.

Just as a tear started forming in the corner of her eye, he looked up at her, beaming, and as she met those warm hazel eyes for the first time in six weeks, she forced herself to look away. There he was, only now looking for her, after several hours on the Hogwarts Express and after catching a carriage with her, not even bothering to look for Aurelia. She wanted nothing more than to be furious with him, than to glare at him, the way that only a Malfoy descendant could. But then again, despite her looks, she was no Malfoy, and so she turned her dejected eyes down to face the table. 

The truth was, she had missed him to the degree that it took everything she had not to look up and meet those familiar hazel eyes again. Her stomach fluttered at the mere thought of it, and it felt as though him actually looking at her just moments ago was some sort of confirmation; it had all happened. It wasn’t just some relationship she had made up in her mind from being alone all summer, and it wasn’t over; because he had looked at her. 

And so, despite the fact that her entire body shivered at the thought of being alone with him again, talking to him, kissing him – she abstained from turning her gaze back towards the Gryffindor table, telling herself that she would only find him shooting that flirtatious grin at Lily Evans, as he had so many times before. 

“Order!” 

The Headmaster’s voice rung through the great hall, as he placed the sorting hat on a stool at the head of the Great Hall, causing the students to rush to their seats in a newly erupted silence. 

“Let the sorting begin,” he continued, and the hat started singing its lengthy song.

The sorting was uninteresting, at least to Aurelia it was. The first years were so young, and while she recognized quite a few family names, she didn’t know any of them. In tradition, she applauded the new Hufflepuff additions together with the rest of the house, but quite frankly, she couldn’t wait for the feast to be over with so that she could return to her dormitory where she didn’t have to constantly avoid looking at a certain raven-haired boy with enchanting hazel eyes and captivating lips.

\---

As soon as the prefects had led the first years out of the Great Hall and towards their common rooms, Aurelia was on her feet, determined not to spend any more time than necessary with her fellow students. It wasn’t that she particularly enjoyed being alone. The summer had been unbearably lonely, and ever since she came back to live with her parents, the only tolerable company she’d had was her cousin’s new wife – Narcissa. While the witch was several years her senior, a socialite pureblood, and married to Lucius (with whom Aurelia was not on speaking terms), she had proven to be somewhat of a friend – and quite frankly, the only company which Mrs. Fawley didn’t object to. She probably figured that spending time with a married, and well-bred pureblood witch could only do her rebellious daughter good. 

No, Aurelia did not take well to being alone, yet she always seemed to find herself being just that – alone. And seeing that James didn’t seem to want much to do with her, she wanted nothing more than to retreat from the crowds of students and hide away in her dorm where she could scold herself for ever believing that James Potter would want to be with her of all people. 

She was ripped out of her thoughts, and away from her path towards the stairs, as a strong hand grabbed her wrist from behind and pulled her into one of the secluded window alcoves. Before she caught glimpse of her abductor, her heart managed to stop at the thought that it might be Rabastan Lestrange, only to relax again at the realization that he had graduated before summer and was not at Hogwarts anymore. 

As the girl turned around, she found herself face to face with a familiar flirtatious smirk, as James’ body was pressed dangerously close to hers, the scent of butterbeer just nearly concealing that of muggle cigarettes in his breath. 

“My, my, Miss Fawley. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were avoiding me,” he grinned, low voice husky as he pressed his body closer towards her, his lips teasingly hovering just above hers.

“Nonsense, Potter. If anything, you seem to be avoiding me,” she replied coldly. While they had argued before, she had never quite given him the cold shoulder she had adopted from the Malfoy side of the family. Not until now. Although, she had to admit it was difficult to maintain with him so bloody close, blurring her mind with all kinds of stupid ideas. 

“So that’s what’s got your knickers in a twist,” he continued, as he teasingly ran his fingers down the side of her arm. The fact that he seemed to be enjoying this made her regain some of her anger, as he quite honestly had hurt her with his absence, and was now teasing her about it. 

“Well, I’m sorry for expecting more of you. I was clearly mistaken,” she sneered, pushing at his chest with her palms to create some space between them, but failing to budge the much taller, and not to mention stronger, Gryffindor beater. 

“Hey, relax Lia. I was only joking. You know I would never avoid you, where’s this coming from?”

“I know no such thing. I haven’t seen you in six weeks and just now, after, what, nine hours in the same place? - you come to find me. Nine hours, James! Is that how little I mean to you?”

“What? No, Lia! Of course not, you… you mean the world to me,” he retorted, softly, as he pushed her hair behind her ears, hands lingering on her cheeks. 

“It’s just with this new responsibility and all that… I’ve been so distracted,” he continued explaining.

“Yes, well I’m sure that would be distracting, wouldn’t it? How is the Head Girl, by the way?”

His hands dropped at that, and he started blankly at her as he took a small step back. So, she had been right about Evans. All this time, she had just been a stand-in for the brilliant and enchanting muggleborn, who seemed to fit in with any crowd. 

“She is my colleague, Lia. I didn’t ask for this, if that’s what you think.”

“Of course, you didn’t, but I’m sure you wouldn’t mind working so closely with her.” 

“Lia, wha- I’m with you, aren’t I?”

“I don’t know. Are you?”

“Of course I am!”

“Really?”

“Yes, Lia. Now calm down, would you? You’re starting to scare me,” he muttered, taking that small step back towards her to wrap her in his arms; somewhere she hadn’t been in so long she’d almost forgotten what it felt like; home. 

“Well, you scared me first,” she murmured into his chest, not hesitating to wrap her arms around his middle and breathe in his familiar scent of muggle cigarettes, rich cologne, and a hint of cinnamon. 

“I’m sorry, love. Honestly, all I’ve wanted since I set foot on that train is to be alone with you,” he mumbled softly, pulling away from the embrace only to lift her chin up and catch her lips with his in a smooth motion that made her want to melt away. That was all she had wanted since she set foot on the train, too. It was all she had wanted since she left him in Potter House six weeks ago only to be put on house arrest by her mother. If only that woman knew just what her daughter had been getting into at Hogwarts, Aurelia would’ve surely been home-schooled for her remaining two years. 

The kiss, which hadn’t been particularly innocent to begin with, quickly deepened, and had the pair pressed too closely together where they stood in the window alcove. 

Aurelia’s heart was racing, and as they finally broke the kiss, her breathing was heavy and unsteady, as was his. 

“I’ve got my own dorm now,” the boy breathed, with a suggestive smirk on his lips, before he came in again and caught her lips in a chaste kiss. 

“Is that so? I can’t imagine you’d want to… share it with anyone.”

“No one but my girlfriend,” he murmured in response, placing another peck on her lips.

“Is that so? I was under the impression that the Head Boy was… going stag,” Aurelia inquired, her heart having stopped at hearing the word girlfriend leave his lips. 

“Oh no, he’s found himself an enchanting badger,” he grinned, his hand slipping down along her back, pressing her closer to him.

“James Potter, you take that back! I would most certainly not be a badger!” she scolded, punching his arm before she realized what he had really said to make her consider her supposed animagus form. He had called her his girlfriend. 

“No, you’d be a bloody Hungarian horntail, is what you’d be,” he laughed, retreating to rub his arm where she’d punched it.

“Now would the gruesome dragon care to accompany the Head Boy to his dormitory, or would she rather go stag?”

“Now, that doesn’t sound like much of a choice, does it, boyfriend?”

“What, Head Boy or stag?” he teased, still smirking irresistibly. 

“I think I’ll have them both.”

\---

Several hours later, the blonde Hufflepuff woke up in the strong arms of the Head Boy; her boyfriend. Having spent the night in his dorm, she had grown more used to his new position, thinking that perhaps it could benefit their relationship after all.

That was, until she snuck out under his invisibility cloak, ending up having to listen to Lily Evans’ complaints in the head common room. The Head Girl was characteristically sitting in the common room sofa with her nose down a book, and while James had spent the whole night convincing Aurelia that she was the one he wanted, she couldn’t help but to feel jealous of the girl who was going to share a common room with him throughout the entire year. Not to mention that Evans had been given his undivided attention for several years now, and Aurelia needed to have him to herself now – something that would likely be quite difficult given these new living arrangements. 

“I know that you have this compulsive need to shag everything that moves, Potter, but I’d appreciate if you kept your slags away from our common room, or at least cast a muffliato,” the redhead complained as the pair made their way through the common room, Aurelia well hidden under the cloak. 

“No slags here, Evans. Just me and my invisible girlfriend,” he smirked, and Aurelia couldn’t help but to grin at his truthfulness. 

“Oh, please. I heard you, and it was repulsive. I couldn’t sleep all night.”

Aurelia was since long blushing under the invisibility cloak, but there wasn’t a trace of embarrassment on James’ face, as he kept grinning smugly at the redhead.

“Repulsive, you say? I’d have to object. You see, she does this wicked thing with her- ow!”

He had deserved that arm-punch, the currently invisible girl decided, as she could feel her face burning at his terribly inappropriate suggestion. The tall boy rubbed his arm, much like he had the evening before, muttering something about her being a ‘bloody horntail’. 

“What was that?! Is she here?” the redhead witch asked with an infuriated expression on her face, as she quickly left her seat on the sofa and started striding towards them. 

“Nothing, Evans, you’re clearly imagining things! Terrible thing, sleep deprivation, just terrible!” he exclaimed as he rushed out of the portrait hole, his ‘invisible girlfriend’ close behind. 

They didn’t stop running until they had passed two corners, both laughing hysterically as the young witch finally came out from under the cloak, shoving it into the arms of the boy who had looked absolutely terrified as he ran away from the Head Girl only moments ago. 

“You seriously need to keep that mouth of yours shut, or you might end up not having an invisible girlfriend anymore!” 

“Well, you’re perfectly visible now, so I take it you don’t mind if I go have a little chat with Padfoot,” he grinned, turning to walk up the set of stairs leading towards the Gryffindor Tower.

“You will do no such thing, or else you can forget all about that wicked thing you nearly told Evans about!” 

“My lips are sealed,” he promised, throwing his arms up in defeat.

“I won’t tell a soul.”


	16. Hogsmeade

September was brilliant. Aurelia had all but forgotten about her family, and all the issues they posed, only to have a whole month free of drama with her newly found friends. Well, she couldn’t claim it had been entirely drama free, but surely that wasn’t possible at all. Apart from some fights that James and Sirius had picked with some Slytherins, and some pranks gone wrong, it had been absolutely blissful.

Aurelia had spent nearly every night with James, either in his new dorm, in his old dorm, or in the room of requirement. The rest of the Marauders were beginning to accept her more, and barely even minded having her in their dorm anymore. During daytime, that was. Remus still objected loudly if he woke up to find a girl in his dorm. 

She had gotten closer to all of them since the start of term. After filling Peter and Remus in on the events of summer, they had both been more supportive of her relationship with James (and her occasional visit to their dorm). Peter was inquisitive and curious as ever, but he seemed to have become more sensitive after she reluctantly had told him about her encounter with Rabastan that Easter. 

Her relationship with Sirius was strange, in a way. While there were many reasons for it to be strained, they were such close friends, perhaps because of how their lives had taken such similar paths. She hadn’t asked him again about Marlene since being on the Hogwarts Express, and quite frankly, she didn’t want to talk to him about girls after the drama such topics had stirred up between him and James over summer. 

Aurelia was constantly telling herself that there was no chance that James had been correct in his conclusion that Sirius fancied her. It surely didn’t seem realistic. But then again, remembering the way he had snapped at her on the train, saying that he was in love with someone other than Marlene… Aurelia was left somewhat frightened. She wasn’t sure she could handle it, if it were true. The last thing she wanted was to put a strain on James’ and Sirius’ relationship, and quite frankly, she couldn’t bear the thought of losing Sirius as a friend.

Whenever James was out patrolling, or when she had received a demanding letter from her parents that only he could understand, Sirius was the one who would keep her company, or make her smile again. Not counting James, Sirius was probably the best friend Aurelia had ever had, and thus, she wouldn’t entertain a thought that might very well make her lose that; lose him. 

Remus, who much like Aurelia prioritized his grades over pranks, was the most difficult of the boys to win over. He had seemed somewhat uncomfortable around her ever since she found out about the lycanthropy. While she wasn’t one to judge, and didn’t view him differently since learning the truth about him, she knew how stigmatised lycanthropy was, and she could understand why he was cautious around her. 

As of late, he had warmed up on her ever since she sat down next to him in the library, and helped him out with his arithmancy homework. Since then, the pair often sat in the library together when the remaining three marauders were out picking fights or pulling pranks. Sometimes, though, the tall boy had no choice but to join his friends in their mischiefs. At other times, after having one too many drinks, Remus would be the one initiating pranks, coming up with the most brilliant ideas. 

Things with James had been wonderful. Ever since he’d called her his girlfriend, Aurelia had done her best to ignore the fact that he had to spend time with Lily Evans. They were just working together after all, and whenever James wasn’t studying or working, he was spending time with Aurelia and the boys. 

There had been plenty of trips to Hogsmeade, some more permitted than others. Of course they had gone on the rare weekend trips to Hogsmeade, bought candy and butterbeer, and In Aurelia’s opinion, spent a little too much time at Zonko’s. 

But then there were the unsupervised trips to Hogsmeade, the private ones which only their group of five knew about. The ones that were made using secret tunnels, invisibility cloaks and animagus forms. Despite their forbidden nature, those were Aurelia’s favourites.

Usually, they would go to the Three Broomsticks. While its owner, Madam Rosmerta knew them all very well and was quite friendly with the group, she always needed some convincing before serving hard liqueur to Hogwarts students. However, it usually didn’t pose a large issue, seeing that Aurelia was the only one in the group who wasn’t of age. 

This Wednesday evening, in the end of September, was no different. Well, it was different in the respect that James and Aurelia had gone to Hogsmeade on their own, but they had still snuck out under the invisibility cloak and went to the Three Broomsticks for a butterbeer or two. It was the kind of escape they both needed; away from slimy Slytherins and tiresome prefects alike.

\---

It was as though things had been too good that one month, and the universe simply decided that enough was enough; that Aurelia Fawley’s good fortune should go to someone else.

It had started well. Aurelia and James had met up outside the Hufflepuff common room, as they so often did, then they used the hidden passageway by the one-eyed witch statue to get to Hogsmeade, sneaking out of Honeydukes under the invisibility cloak. It was absurd, really, and had you told Aurelia a year ago that she would be sneaking out of Hogwarts with James Potter using hidden passages and an invisibility cloak, she certainly wouldn’t have believed it. Nowadays, it had nearly become a routine of theirs, and the girl understood that the castle held many more secrets than she could’ve imagine; secrets that she was only beginning to learn about as she started her sixth year at the school. 

They had gone for a walk first, strolling through Hogsmeade hand in hand, almost like a normal couple, on which didn’t have to worry about pureblood families, betrothals and death eaters. To Aurelia’s dismay, they had spend a fair share of time at Zonko’s joke shop, where James was trying to find supplies for his next prank on Remus. Then they had headed to Tomes & Scrolls, where the Hufflepuff had bought three new books on Magical Law Enforcement, which James argued was ‘undoubtedly the dullest topic available’. 

When they finally arrived at the Three Broomsticks, it was getting late, and the pair was content, slightly tired, and terribly cosy; a condition which didn’t decline with a few butterbeers. 

The incident didn’t happen until they were leaving the pub to head back to Hogwarts, a few hours later. Aurelia blamed herself for not being more attentive, for the illusion that they were perfectly safe in Hogsmeade. That illusion was why they walked out of there perfectly content; distracted. His arm was thrown casually over her shoulders, and both her arms were wrapped securely around his middle where she walked beside him. 

He had just reached out to push a stride of her hair behind her ear when that venomous voice behind them spoke up. 

Ordinarily, Aurelia Fawley would point out a head of white blonde hair in any crowd, from any distance. But then again, ordinarily, she wasn’t wrapped in James Potter’s arms in such crowds.

\---

“If you wish to keep your hands, Potter, I suggest you take them off my cousin this very instant.”

The girl stiffly turned around, completely gobsmacked at meeting the glaring eyes of her cousin, Lucius Malfoy, and the uncharacteristic surprise on the face of his companion; Severus Snape. To her terror, she was speechless. No words would suffice in explaining, or excusing this situation to her cousin. His striking grey eyes, so similar to hers, were looking straight through her, and as much as she hated to admit it, she was convinced that the furious young death eater in front of her read her better than anyone else. 

“I’d say you are in no position to threaten me, Malfoy. And you Snivellus, consorting with his kind? Did you finally take the mark, too?”

For better or for worse, James Potter had a knack for coming up with quick, and impeccably irritating comebacks. Now generally, this was a talent which often came in useful, and one that Aurelia envied. However, at times the reckless boy would spit these comebacks out without any consideration, and end up putting himself in very tricky situations. This was one of those times. It wasn’t exactly something she could hold against him, but the young witch couldn’t help but to mentally curse him for his stupidity.

James Potter had just revealed to her cousin - the blood purist, daddy’s boy, death eater - that he knew about the blonde joining the Dark Lord’s forces. Not only was the Gryffindor still standing with his arm smugly wrapped around her shoulder, but he had implied that she had shared information with him that could very well lead to the imprisonment of her cousin. 

“You blood traitor scum!” the young man finally hissed at his cousin.

“How dare you tell this maggot such lies? Father will be hearing about this!” 

Lucius turned on his heel, quickly striding out of the pub, down the street, his cousin throwing her boyfriend a deadly glare before hurriedly following him with much shorter strides. 

“Lu, wait! Please, I can explain!”

“There is nothing to explain, Aurelia. You told him. You might as well have thrown your own family into Azkaban.” 

“I didn’t… He… he’s only assuming, I was so upset after the wedding and… He won’t tell anyone, Lu. He doesn’t get along well with Severus, that’s all. He won’t tell anyone, I swear.”

“You are in love with this twat,” the young wizard muttered in realization, shaking his head in disbelief as he turned his gaze back to throw a glance at the seventeen-year-old prankster who was standing across the street, in the doorway of the pub. 

“You know you can’t marry him, Aurelia. He is a blood traitor, a mudblood-lover, and not nearly good enough for you. You’d best break this off now, whatever it is, before it goes too far,” he continued, turning those cold grey eyes back to his young cousin, who was close to tears.

“You don’t understand, Lucius. I… I love him,” the witch mumbled, nearly inaudibly, cautiously looking up at the tall boy whose face could only be described as emotionless.

“I don’t understand? Please, Aurelia. Is that what you think, that I’m incapable of love? You, if anyone, should know the value in concealing such hazardous emotions. Now, I’m asking you to end this because I love you, cousin, however difficult that may be for you to understand. Not only do I want you to survive this war, but believe it or not, I wish for you to be happy.”

“But I am happy with him, Lu.” 

“Well, let’s see how long that lasts.” 

The wizard turned to leave, his back straight and expression stoic as ever.

“Lucius?” she asked hesitantly from behind him, causing him to pause in his steps and turn around.

“Why did you join them? Really?”

“To keep your reckless prat of a brother from getting himself killed,” he replied to her direct question honestly after a long, contemplating silence. 

“Oh… And Lu, are you going to tell them? About James?”

“I’ll keep your secret, this once. But you need to start taking care of yourself, Aurelia, we can’t look after you at Hogwarts. End it, cousin. You’re setting yourself up to get hurt.” 

The kiss he placed on the top of her head before he walked away was the last thing Aurelia had expected from her cousin. But then again, he had surprised her more than once in a matter of minutes, and she wasn’t quite sure what to believe anymore. He had told her that he loved her, that he wanted her to be happy, that he had only joined the death eaters to protect Augustus, and finally, that he wouldn’t tell anyone about her and James. 

He was changed. Either Narcissa had been an amazing influence on him, or this was who he had been all along – beneath the mask. 

It made her a bit sad, to think that he had joined such a terrible cause only to protect Augustus. Only thinking about it now, she realized there was so much more to it – them joining the death eaters, then she had originally thought. Now she was still terrified and appalled at the fact that they could support and choose to participate in such hateful and barbaric activities, there was another angle to it. There was a war coming, and she didn’t want either of them to get hurt, despite what side they were fighting on.

\---

“Excuse me, did I just see a bloody death eater kissing you?!” 

Needless to say, idealist James Potter was furious when Aurelia returned to the Three Broomsticks after her conversation with her cousin. 

“Really, James? You just let it slip that I told you about him taking the mark. Do you realize what consequences that could’ve had? You should be happy he kissed me, because that at least indicates that he isn’t going to avada me, or lock me up in Wiltshire. Give me the bloody cloak!”

“Lia, that guy’s a total git. I didn’t mean to…”

“Give. It. To. Me.”

“Alright, alright,” the boy complained, shoving the rolled up piece of fabric into her arms, before returning back into the pub, likely about to pick a fight with Snape. 

And so, Aurelia walked back to the castle alone that night, wrapped tightly in a cloak that smelled like him. The boy she loved irrevocably, despite however bad that might be for her, and despite his lack of respect or understanding for the love she held for her family. 

James Potter was like a beautiful curse. And how she loved all the symptoms that came with it, despite the lingering suspicion at the back of her mind, that this curse would one day be the death of her.


	17. Betrayal

By mid-October, things had turned around for Aurelia. It had been bound to happen sooner or later, and all she could do was curse herself for not realizing that sooner. It had all started that night in Hogsmeade, with their argument about Lucius. Sure, that had been far from their first ever argument, but nevertheless, it was the one that set the motion of change going. 

If September had been nothing but blissful, October seemed to be the opposite. Sure, there were some blissful moments here and there, but useless bickering seemed to fill up most of the time she had together with James. Either he was upset over her family, or over her ‘taking their side’. Or it was Aurelia who was upset about the fact that Lily Evans was coming on to him, because she clearly was, even if James himself was oblivious to it. 

It was ironic, really. James had been dying to get Evans’ attention for years, and the redhead hadn’t showed the slightest interest in him before. Not until now, that his attention was elsewhere. And even though Aurelia did have his attention, it bothered her that he wouldn’t even acknowledge the fact that Lily was clearly interested in him. It made her question the secrecy around their relationship, which had never really been optional. 

If she and James went public, her family would know in no time, and Merlin knew what kind of disasters that would bring. But now, well, now Aurelia was beginning to wonder if James had his own secrets for keeping their relationship secret. 

The jealously was getting to her, she was well aware of that. It wasn’t only the big things, like the fact that James had been as well as obsessed with the Head Girl for years. No, it was the small things as well. Like the fact that Lily was colourful where Aurelia was grey, that she was an innocent muggleborn, where Aurelia seemed to be guilty by association with her family. It was the fact that Lily was a bold Gryffindor who stood up for herself and for others, whereas Aurelia was a quiet Hufflepuff who spent most her time trying to be invisible.

\---

Gryffindor had just won their first quidditch match of the term that Saturday, against Slytherin, which apparently was much cause for celebration. Aurelia had been arguing with James the day before, and so she had slept alone, in her Hufflepuff dorm for the first time in what felt like weeks. 

She hadn’t planned on going to the match, because quite frankly, seeing him play was both exhilarating and worrying, and she wasn’t quite ready to forgive him for their most recent row just jet. She had, however, during one of their study sessions in the library, been convinced by Remus to come. 

He was quite sensible, that boy, and how he had ever ended up being best friends with James, Sirius and Peter, was beyond her. But then again, Aurelia was friends with them, too, and she wouldn’t consider herself reckless. 

“He might not have told you himself, but I know it would mean a lot to him if you were there.” 

“Did he tell you that?”

“No, but…”

“Well, does it always have to be me who comes crawling for forgiveness?”

“That’s not what I said, Lia. Now, I don’t know what’s been going on between you two, but I’m sure you won’t work anything out as long as you’re not even willing to face each other.”

“Must you always be so sensible, Remus?”

“I’m sure James and Sirius would be locked up in Azkaban by now if I weren’t.” 

“Or dead,” the girl remarked, shaking her head in disbelief as she closed the book in front of her.

“Or stuck in an alternate dimension,” the boy grinned, him too closing his book.

“Promise me you’ll think about it,” he added, with a much more serious look, earning a small nod from the Hufflepuff before she retreated from the library.

\---

As always, Remus had been right. Aurelia went to the match, and the couple had kissed and made up under the stalls after James had scored the last goal. As expected, seeing him up there had vanished any irritation she had with him, and replaced it with concern that he would fall, and plain adoration at his determination and skill. Lily Evans might have been sitting in the Gryffindor stall with Aurelia’s friends, wishing that James was hers. But whether people knew about it or not, that brilliant Gryffindor chaser was hers, and for the moment, that was good enough for the blonde witch. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he chanted, as they finally pulled away from each other and the intense snogging session that had followed them meeting under the stalls. 

“No, I’m sorry. I overreacted. I hate arguing with you. You were brilliant today,” she smiled, running her hands through his already messy hair. Looking at him now, she could barely remember why she had been arguing with him in the first place. Merlin, did he look good in those Gryffindor red quidditch robes. He was kind, brilliant, and not to mention, insanely handsome. And arguing over the fact that Lily fancied him hadn’t been fair to him at all, because it was out of his control. 

“I won us the bloody game, didn’t I?” he grinned smugly, before placing another kiss on her lips.

“I really have to go now before the team misses me too much, but you’ll come tonight, won’t you? I’m throwing a celebration party in the head common room.”

“Okay. I’ll see you tonight, love.”

\---

Several hours later, Aurelia Fawley was one of the many Hogwarts students in the head common room who had had one too many drinks. She blamed Sirius Black and his strange capacity for always carrying a full bottle of firewhiskey, and she blamed Peter Pettigrew for his unhealthy fondness for whiskey-gobstones. Hell, she even blamed James Potter for winning that match in the first place. 

Aurelia, Peter and Sirius had been playing that silly drinking game for what felt like an hour, and when Peter finally had enough and went running for the bathroom, they had all probably had a good six shots each. 

“Where’s Prongs?” Sirius blurted out after scanning the lively room a few times, finally settling on the blonde in front of him.

The Hufflepuff realized she hadn’t seen her boyfriend since before they started playing the drinking game, and all the sudden she found herself worried again. What if the Slytherins had gotten to him? The Slytherins he usually went after, picking fights with, and the ones he had literally just beaten in the Quidditch match hours ago. 

“I… I don’t know.”

“I promise you he’s passed out somewhere, he was completely off the trolley when I saw him.”

“What if… Do you think he’s okay?”

“Relax, Fawley, he’s probably just gone to bed. Let’s check his dorm.”

But James wasn’t in his dorm either, and Lia’s suspicions only became more likely. For all she knew, he could be hanging by his feet somewhere, hexed from top to toe. She was just about ready to run out of there to start looking for him, when Sirius grabbed her wrist.

“Calm down, Fawley. I know how to find him. We’ll just use the map.” 

“The map? What map?”

“He never told you? The Marauders’ Map.”

“Is this your creepy way of keeping track of each other? I swear, you boys never fail to surprise me. So, what? You made a map that shows the Marauders, real time? Is it connected to your wands?”

Sirius chuckled and shook his head before tapping his wand to a piece of parchment he had pulled out of James’ bedside table.

“I solemnly swear that I’m up to no good,” he mumbled, before looking up at her with a smug grin.

“Try everyone.”

“What do you mean, everyone?” she asked, eyes wandering down to the map, which revealed dozens of footprints and names in the head common room. It showed everyone. But that couldn’t be possible. She didn’t even know where to begin in figuring out how it worked, and… they had made it themselves? It was ridiculous. But then again, she was a quite drunk, and Sirius could simply be pulling her leg. 

“So that’s how he always manages to escape Filch… Give me that,” she demanded, as she reached out to snatch the parchment out of his hands, but Sirius was quicker. He started intently at one spot, before hiding the map behind his back, and the serious look on his face morphed back into a slight grin, one that ironically suited him much better than any seriousness.

“It’s for Marauders’ eyes only,” he teased, backing away from her.

“Ugh! Then why would you show it to me in the first place? You’re a right git, Sirius Black! Now give me that map!” 

The blonde followed the backing boy around the room, trying to reach her short arms around him to get hold of that map and get out of there, but she was rather unsuccessful.

She wasn’t quite sure how it had happened, but she suspected the bloody firewhiskey was the reason behind the boy backing straight into the bedside, falling onto his back and dragging her with him. Either way, that was the position she found herself in, still reaching for the bloody map, which he currently held behind his head, off the other side of the bed. It was impossible for her to reach, and while she did her best to try, her attempts reached an abrupt stop as soft lips were suddenly pressed against hers. Lips that tasted like firewhiskey and cigarettes, determined lips. Lips that were warmer and softer, yet slightly thinner than James’. Shit. Lips that weren’t James’.

She was lying on James Potter’s bed, on top of Sirius Black, who was kissing her. But she hadn’t kissed him back, had she? Of course, she hadn’t. She couldn’t possibly have. She wouldn’t. 

“What the hell, Sirius! How bloody pissed are you?” She exclaimed as she pulled away from him, grabbing the map in the process, and stood back up. 

“Don’t look at that, Fawley,” he warned, getting up from the bed to follow her across the room. Only, this time it was her who had the map, and she wasn’t letting him have it until she had had a look at it. She determinedly walked away from him, her back placed between him and the map, as her eyes hurriedly scanned the map for his name. And there it was. James Potter. In a small room, just down the hallway from the party, his footsteps dangerously close, and counter to those of Lily Evans. It was a nightmare come true. She had already lost so much, she’d lost large part of her family to the death eaters, she had lost her parents to the damn blood elitism that made them desperate to marry her off, she had possibly lost her friendship with Sirius thanks to that stupid, fucking kiss. And now, she had lost James, the light of her life, to Lily sodding Evans. 

It shouldn’t surprise her, it really shouldn’t. But it broke her heart, nevertheless. James was her everything, he was all she had left, all that mattered anyway. And the first chance he got, he had gone running back to the muggleborn redhead.

Aurelia hadn’t realized the tears in her eyes until one dropped, and landed on the map in her hands. 

The boy was moving slowly, taking the map out of her hands and wrapping his arms around her.

“We don’t know,” he begun, but was immediately interrupted.

“Really? And what do you tend to do when you’re alone in a broom closet with a girl?”

“Alright, alright. He’s a twat, Fawley, and you deserve better.”

“Are you being serious right now?”

“I’m always Siri…”

“Yes, yes, I know, you’re always Sirius. Very funny. Now let go of me, and leave me alone. I can’t believe you would try to take advantage of this situation… of me. I thought we were friends.” 

“But we are friends, Fawley. I’m sorry, I wasn’t trying to… It’s just… I’m in lo,” once again, the raven-haired boy was interrupted by the much shorter and thinner figure in front of him. He had let go of her by now, but was still standing dangerously close, eyes pleading as he began speaking the words she had dreaded hearing since the summer holidays. And he was just about to find out why you should never piss off a Hufflepuff. 

“Don’t. Don’t you dare speak those words, Sirius Black. I am so fucking over your bullshit. Yours and his. You’re no better than him, so don’t try to fool yourself.”

In true pureblood fashion, the pale girl kept her posture and remained calm up until the point when she had left, and walked away from both the boy and the party. It wasn’t until then, when she was alone out in one of the dark castle corridors, that she realized what had really happened that night, and allowed herself to fall apart.

\---

She didn’t see James until several days later, when she had purposely avoided him in the corridors and in the Great Hall for as long as she could. Well, she hadn’t seen any of them to be honest, and while she hated being alone, she wasn’t up for meeting any of them. She didn’t want to face James or Sirius, for obvious reasons, and she wouldn’t bare having to explain anything to Remus or Peter. So, she kept her nose down. Thankfully, she had been practicing the invisible girl act for nearly six years now, so it wasn’t difficult per se, only different. 

However, Aurelia had seemed to forget about something. The Gryffindor chaser was brilliant at just that; chasing. And so, he had figured her out, knowing that she always headed to breakfast horribly early in the morning to avoid him. 

The tall boy looked tired, more so than usual, as he pulled her into the window alcove with him, as he had so many times before. He was sporting an ugly black-eye, and yet, the bags under his eyes were obvious. He looked broken, she thought, almost like her. But he had no right to take that feeling away from her. It was her right to be sad, not his. And so, she was overrun with anger instead, because it seemed like he was trying to steal everything away from her; even her emotions. 

“You’ve been avoiding me,” he stated, as she pulled her wrist free from his grip and took a step back, because standing that close to him was too much. His bloody cologne was too much.

“I have.”

“Do you really think that’s going to solve anything?”

“Wow, James. You’re one to talk. I’m not the one who shagged Lily Evans in a broom closet last week. Now, am I?”

“I didn’t shag her,” he defended weakly.

“Well then, please, do tell. What were you doing in there? Playing gobstones? I reckon it’s a tad tight in there for that, wouldn’t you say?”

“Would you please stop that?”

“What happened to your eye?” she demanded, ignoring his request.

“Sirius happened.”

“Good.” 

“Lia, would you please…”

“You said you were over her.”

“I know, but I…”

“Did you think you could have the both of us? Is that it? I nearly left my family for you. I told Lucius I loved you, do you have any idea what I risked doing that?”

“I love you, Lia. I do. But…”

“But you love her more.” 

His silence was the only confirmation she needed. He did love Lily more, and he always had. There had been too many signs. Signs she had missed, perhaps even ignored. James Potter had never truly been hers, and she wished she hadn’t been stupid enough to believe he had. 

“I should’ve known,” she mumbled, attempting to control her breathing so that she wouldn’t break apart in front of him. She didn’t want him to know that he had broken her, she wouldn’t let him have that.

“No. I should’ve known. I’m sorry, Lia. I love you so much, and I never meant to hurt you. Can you forgive me?”

“You want me to forgive you? Really? I can’t even look at you right now. Please just leave me alone. Pretend that I don’t exist, it shouldn’t be too hard seeing that you did it so well at the party.”

With that, the short blonde stormed off into the great hall, loosening the yellow and black tie around her neck as she struggled for air and furiously attempted to calm herself down. She sat down at the empty end of the Hufflepuff table, settling for a glass of pumpkin juice as she realized she was far too nauseous to eat anything. 

Bloody Gryffindor boys. She had thought they were the greatest blessing of her life, yet there they were, making an even bigger mess of it than it had been to start with. Sure, Aurelia had been lonely and downcast before, but this was worse. Now, she was broken into so many pieces she didn’t even know if it was possible to put them back together. Now, being lonely was a whole different ordeal, because she had seen what it was like to have true friends; true love. Now, she knew exactly what she was missing, and that hurt even more.


	18. Timing

Sirius Black had a shitty sense of timing. He always had, and he probably always would. It was one of his lesser qualities, and more often than not, it landed him in all sorts of tricky situations. Like the time when he had accepted a dare to serenade Professor McGonagall, and landed himself in three weeks of detention just before double trips to Hogsmeade. 

Add some alcohol into the mixture, and those situations got tenfold worse. Like the time when he had made the solid decision to bring a fit muggle girl home to Grimmauld Place for the night, only to realize that it was his mother’s birthday. Needless to say, that had been enough leverage for her to finally disinherit him and blast him off the family tree. 

But this time - this time, he had really fucked up. He wanted nothing more than to blame the alcohol, to blame James, or even Lily Evans, for that matter. But the truth was, he had hurt the most beautiful girl on the planet, and pushed her away when she needed him the most. And there was no one to blame but himself – and his shitty sense of timing.

Sirius had adored Aurelia Fawley ever since the first time he saw her, only seven years old at the time, as she lectured his younger brother Reggie on muggle rights. They had been in the same Latin class at the time, Aurelia and Regulus, and Sirius had arrived with his father to collect the younger Black-brother just in time to hear her scolding. 

It had been absolutely brilliant. Already at the young age of eight, Sirius had made a name for himself as the rebel of the family, but to see another pureblood child stand up for such ideals - a small, pretty girl at that - had left him in complete awe. 

And the rebel boy had never seized to be awestruck by Aurelia Fawley; be it her striking grey eyes, her persistent strength, or her undying love for the family – a family that continued to let her down time after time. Sirius had never had love like that. He doubted that his parents had ever loved him at all, and his brother had barely spoken to him since he “got himself kicked out”, as Reggie liked to put it. In all honesty, he was probably no better himself – he was no Fawley, that was for sure. He couldn’t love his parents to the degree that he would forgive and forget everything they had done wrong, and while being blasted off the family tree had hurt him like nothing before, it had turned out to be quite the relief – being free of them. 

Either way, there still was a part of him that wanted to be loved like that; unconditionally. The way only she seemed to be able to love. And Merlin, did she deserve that, too. She seemed to just give, and give, past the point where one would think there was nothing left to give. And she never demanded anything in return. Hell, she rarely even got anything in return. James breaking her heart the way he had was only the tip of the iceberg. And it was the last thing she deserved; the last thing she needed.

And so, it came to be that a quite drunk Sirius Black had punched his best mate, muggle-style, as he came back from whatever he had been up to in that broom closet with Lily Evans. Needless to say, the two boys hadn’t spoken to each other since, despite Moony and Wormtail’s attempts at meddling. Fawley wasn’t speaking with him either, although he probably deserved that. While he had never meant to take advantage of the situation, his terrible way with words (and timing) had definitely made it seem that way. It was awful, really. All he wanted was to be there for her, and now she wouldn’t let him. 

It was all a terrible mess, and Sirius didn’t know where to begin in solving it. His best mate was furious with him, and contrary to popular belief, it wasn’t because he had punched him. It was because of why he had punched him. Prongs had figured it all out over summer, despite Sirius’ wholehearted attempts to hide it. That bloke just knew him all too well. It hadn’t been fun, explaining to his best mate that he fancied his girlfriend, but after their terribly long conversation, they had been fine; practically back to normal. Up until the point that James – the largest tosser on the face of the earth – decided to bonk Lily Evans in a broom closet, completely oblivious to his girlfriend’s heartbreak.

Sure, James had always been mad for Evans, and this relationship he had with Fawley had been a bad idea from the start. But Prongs was all for bad ideas, and he didn’t take well to others trying to meddle in his life. It had been bound to happen, sooner or later, and while he couldn’t exactly blame his friend for being in love with Evans, he could damn well blame him for how he had handled this whole situation; because it certainly hadn’t been pretty.

\---

Anyone who knew Sirius in the slightest would say that he was a rebel, a ladies’ man, and a bit of a drama queen. Anyone who knew him well, would know that he was a rebel in order to avoid any family obligations. That he was a ladies’ man because he literally couldn’t bare being alone, or not being touched, for more than five minutes. And that he was a drama queen, because he had clearly not gotten enough attention as a child. 

None of that seemed true anymore, it was as though he wasn’t himself. Hell, even his friendship with James seemed to have hit a pause, and that if anything, was bad. But then he had broken things off with Marlene, and any other girls he might have been shagging for that matter, and, Merlin forbid, nearly told Fawley he was in love with her.

She knew, too. She knew, and she didn’t care. Worse, actually; she knew and she was furious about it. She had forbidden him from telling her, she had yelled at him, and she had walked away; as though she preferred being alone to being with him. She had proven that was how she felt, too. She had ignored the lot of them, and since that fucked up party, he had only ever seen her alone. That part was worse than being ignored; knowing that she had no one. 

He tried, Merlin knew he tried to be there for her. He tried during breakfasts in the Great Hall – but she managed to make her exit before he could make his way to the Hufflepuff table. He tried in the corridors between classes, but she pushed past him like he was bloody Lestrange. He even tried during the Hogsmeade weekend, but she was nowhere to be seen – not even on the map.

\---

Sirius finally got his opportunity all of three weeks after the party, after it had been so long he was on the brink of losing his bloody mind. Her name showing up on the map, slowly making its way towards the beech tree by the lake, was the best thing that had happened to him in weeks, and thus, by far the best birthday present he could’ve wished for that November 3rd 1977.

It had been a long day. The only thing Sirius Black liked about birthdays was the opportunity to get completely pissed at the party, but admittedly, he wasn’t even looking forward to that this year. Things had been fine with James since about a week, so most things were back to normal. Most things besides from her. She had only been hanging out with them for about half a year, and yet it felt like nothing would ever be normal without her again. 

So, Sirius had suffered through his classes, the mandatory birthday pranks, and the awkward birthday wishes from random girls. Indeed, it had been a long day. So, early that Friday afternoon, he found himself in bed, staring at the map during those spare hours before the party that the boys so desperately denied was happening. And there she was. The only one he wanted to see for his birthday. 

Needless to say, the just turned eighteen-year-old wasted no time throwing himself out of bed, grabbing his robe and scarf as he rushed out of the Gryffindor common room and practically threw himself down the stairs and out onto the grounds. 

And there she was, perched under the beech tree, looking more peaceful than he thought possible. The yellow in her scarf perfectly matched the autumn leaves on the ground, and her silver hair completely contrasted the dark sky. It was an image he barely dared to disrupt, yet wanted nothing more than to be part of.

\---

“Hey,” he finally mumbled, after having sat down next to her in silence. He still didn’t dare to look her in the eyes, terrified to see the same distaste in them that he had seen on the night of the party. 

“Happy birthday.”

Her voice was weak, surprisingly weaker than his, and he could practically hear the tears in her eyes. It was heart-breaking, and had he only known how to make that pain go away, he would’ve given anything. 

“You know?” he asked, finally meeting her misty grey eyes – a perfect reminiscent of the dark skies behind her. Only, it was as though all the fire had been sucked out of them; all the life. The eyes that normally held the power of a thundercloud about to burst, were cold and lifeless – like stone. 

“It’s sort of hard to miss with all the third-year girls practically throwing chocolates at you,” she responded, a hint of a grin making its way to her lips, making her recognizable again; reassuring him that it really was Fawley who was sitting there next to him, and not a ghost under the effects of Polyjuice Potion. 

“Fair enough,” he chuckled, pulling his hair back before once again realizing the seriousness of the situation. The young wizard failed to hold back a small sigh as he turned his gaze back towards the dark lake.

“I got you a present,” the soft voice beside him stated, as she handed over a thin square gift wrapped in scarlet red paper. She had known about his birthday before, he realized; enough so to get him a present. A brilliant present, at that. Inside was an LP record, the cover showing a strangle muggle building with a pig flying above it.

“It’s that Floyd-person on the shirt you lent me… It’s called a record, I believe. It’s silly, really.”

“Fawley - it’s brilliant. I lov… I’ve never gotten a better present. Thank you.” 

It was silent for a while. It wasn’t the awkward kind of silence, though. While he did want to know what she was thinking, how to help her, it was quite calming just listening to the wind and her breathing. But Sirius Black wasn’t stupid. He knew it couldn’t last. He knew that ignoring your troubles didn’t solve anything, that it only made things worse - if anything. And so, he forced himself to break the beautiful, comforting silence.

“Can you forgive me?”

“Oh, Sirius. I already have.”

“Can we go back to being friends, then? Just friends, Fawley, that’s all I ask.”

“I… I can’t. I need some time alone right now. It’s not… away from you, it’s away from everyone.”

Her dejected gaze turned down towards the grass, giving her away. It wasn’t as though he was surprised she didn’t want to talk to him, but there was something she wasn’t telling him. That was something that had always come naturally between the two of them – talking. She had always seemed able to tell him about anything and everything, and now, something seemed to be holding her back. Perhaps it was because of that moronic kiss, and what he had nearly told her on the night of the party, but he had a lingering concern that it was something else. 

“You should go, Sirius. I don’t want to keep you from your party,” she mumbled, wrapping her Hufflepuff robe tighter around her small form, reminding him of the cold – which was the least of his concerns. 

“It won’t be any fun without you,” he murmured, reluctantly glancing back at the castle, anguished at the thought of leaving her again, wondering how long it would be before he got the chance to talk to her again – to see her again. 

“Well, it certainly won’t be any fun with me. I just… I can’t be around him… around them. But you should go. Have fun,” despite her efforts, she didn’t sound very encouraging. And while he would much rather spend the rest of the evening out in the cold with her, he knew he had no right to ask that of her. And so, she was right.

He had gotten her forgiveness, at least, and that would have to do for now. That was more than anything he could’ve wished for, and her asking was all the encouragement he needed to go back to the Gryffindor tower, even if it was without her. So, he pushed himself back up onto his feet.

“Get back inside before you freeze, would you?”

“I will… Soon.” 

“Good. And I’ll play you that record, Fawley. Someday,” Sirius promised, a small smirk hovering over his lips as he made his way back towards the castle that cold November afternoon.


	19. Potions

Aurelia Rose Fawley felt sick to her stomach upon seeing James together with Lily. Day in and day out, he never seemed to be apart from her. It was nauseating. She also felt sick thinking about what had happened with Sirius at the party, and at the fact that she had hurt him so terribly – and still was. 

But now there they all were, all but her of course, happily seated together by the Gryffindor table, like the perfect group of friends that they were. The perfect group she’d never really been part of. James had his arm casually thrown over Lily’s shoulders, both laughing at something Peter had said, where he sat opposed to them next to Mary. Remus seemed to be explaining some homework to Marlene, and Sirius was just barely listening to Peter, paying much more attention to his breakfast. And there it was… breakfast. Even the thought of breakfast nauseated her. 

The blonde left the Great Hall without eating, heading to potions class, where she once again was paired up with Regulus. And while the boy had clearly attempted to help her, back at her cousin’s wedding, he was still an annoying Slytherin prat whom she’d rather not have prying in her personal life.

It had been weeks since Sirius’ birthday, and she hadn’t talked to him since. She couldn’t exactly blame anyone but herself for her loneliness. Well, anyone other than James, that was. James, the boy she loved; the boy who didn’t want her. 

It shouldn’t be surprising to her, really. She had always known that Lily Evans was far prettier than her, and smarter for that matter, and she should’ve known that any boy would be stupid not to choose her over Aurelia Fawley – the dull, invisible Hufflepuff. The dull Hufflepuff with a horribly dramatic life. It seemed like everything that could possibly go wrong in her life, did. Her brother and cousin had gone and joined the Dark Lord’s forces, James had left her for Lily, Sirius Black had kissed her and nearly proclaimed his love for her, and now she was bloody… 

“Fawley? Fawley!” 

Shit. She was ruining the potion. Thick black smoke was leaking out of their cauldron, and Regulus Black was looking at her as though she had snapped his wand in two. 

“Right! Shit! I’m sorry, Black, I just… I wasn’t paying attention!”

“Well no shit! What the hell is going on with you? I leave you for two minutes and our entire potion is reduced to black goo! If only Slughorn would see sense and place me in advanced potions with Severus,” the raven-haired boy sighed, vanishing the spoiled potion with a flick of this wand. 

“What was that? Snape is good at potions?” the blonde asked, brows furrowed, as a lump of nervous energy appeared in her stomach. 

“He’s applying for mastery, why do you ask?” 

“Well… Needless to say… I could use some help.”

“That you certainly could. He usually spends his evenings working on his potions in an abandoned classroom on the fifth floor, I’m sure he won’t mind helping Lucius’ cousin. So long as you don’t tell my brother and his despicable friends.”

“No risk of that…” she mumbled, turning her gaze towards the floor at the mention of the Marauders, at the thought of James. 

“Tell him I sent you, if you wish. I don’t think you could get much worse than this, and if you’re going to be my partner for the entire year, I’m not sure how I’ll be able to keep my grades up.”

\---

Nearly twelve hours later, the Hufflepuff found herself in abandoned classroom on the fifth floor, in a heated discussion with Severus Snape. Now, Snape wasn’t her favourite person; far from it. And he wasn’t the first person she’d think of when she needed help with something. Yet, there she was, searching him out late at night, asking him for a favour. By Helga, was she desperate. 

“Don’t think you can come in here, making demands. You might be a little princess over with the Gryffindors, Fawley, but not in here.”

”Lay off me, Snape. Can you make the bloody potion or not?”

“I’m perfectly capable of brewing it, Fawley. But if you require my silence, you’re going to have to give me more than that. Why not go to St. Mungos?”

“And have them tell my parents that I’m carrying a bastard child at the age of sixteen? Have you lost your wits?” 

“And the father?”

“Well, it’s not one of your precious Slytherins if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“So?”

“He wants nothing to do with me. Now, will you help me or not?”

“It’s Potter, isn’t it?”

“I’m warning you, Snape. If you think for one sec…” 

“Does he know?”

“No.”

“It would take me a full moon cycle.”

“And you won’t tell anyone?”

“What good do you reckon that would do me? Brewing an illegal terminus potion for an underage, pure-blood witch? They would have me burned at the stake.”

“But you’ll do it?”

“Yes, princess. I will help you,” the tall boy replied mockingly, nonchalantly turning his gaze back to the potion he was currently brewing.

“Why?”

“Because you’re not the only one who’s been screwed over by that swine.”

Aurelia was just about to defend James, when she realized that Severus was, to some degree, right. Sure, he was more entitled to feel that way. James had been picking on him for as long as she could remember, but had he really screwed her over? This… situation was just as much her fault as it was his, wasn’t it? And while she wanted nothing more than to hate him for breaking her heart, she couldn’t. There wasn’t a single part of her that hated him, and if he changed his mind, she would take him back without a doubt. It didn’t really matter how stupid that was of her, because it was never going to happen. She knew that. While she loved him with her entire being, James had never loved her the way he loved Lily. He never would.

“I’ll owl you, when it’s done. It’s going to be around Christmas, though. Will you be here for the holidays?”

“I’ll find a way to stay here. How about you?”

“Hmph, as though I have anywhere else to be.”

“Well, neither do I.” 

“Alright. I trust you won’t tell anyone about our agreement?”

“Oh please, Snape. Do you really think I want anyone to know about this?”

“Fine. Six weeks it is, then.”

\---

She didn’t cry until she’d made it to the fourth floor. She realized then, that she hadn’t cried because of that at all before. She had cried over losing James, she had cried over losing her friends, she had cried over hurting Sirius. Hell, she had even cried over kissing Sirius. But she hadn’t cried about the… situation before, despite having lingering suspicions for weeks.   
Six more weeks. Six awful weeks to go. She would have to stick to herself for another six weeks, at least. She would have to stay away from all of them, her friends, for six weeks. But then again, she wasn’t even sure there was any friendship left after everything that had happened. So, she had six weeks of suffering alone, and then, just in time for Christmas, she would have to face her nightmare – alone. 

Crying over it was inevitable, and once she had started, Aurelia could not stop. The tears were so thick they were clouding her vision, but she didn’t slow down until she walked right into something, or rather, someone. 

“Oh my, are you alright?” 

The voice was soft, friendly, and the young witch wanted to answer it, apologize for walking straight into the girl, say she was fine – but she couldn’t. There was a lump in her throat, stopping any sound from coming out. So, instead, she nodded and wiped the tears out of her eyes with the sleeves of her robe, clearing her throat before looking up again to meet worried, emerald eyes. 

“I’m Lily,” the girl in front of her explained, a kind smile gracing her face – perfectly accompanying that soft voice. The red Head Girl badge was pinned neatly on her robes, and her auburn hair was pulled up into a ponytail. She was perfect. 

Aurelia wanted to hate her. Hate her for suddenly taking an interest in James after all these years, for taking him away from her. She wanted to hate her for being so damn perfect all the time, and for being so excruciatingly nice. She couldn’t, though. Hating people wasn’t exactly something that Aurelia Fawley was very good at – despite how much she wanted to.

“I know,” the blonde murmured in response, turning her grey gaze down at the stone floor, so that she wouldn’t have to look at Lily Evans a second longer.

“It’s after curfew. You shouldn’t be out here all by yourself. I’ll walk you to your common room,” Lily offered, but as she put a hand on her shoulder to lead her downstairs, Aurelia flinched, jerking her body away from the other girl so abruptly that she nearly fell over.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Aurelia shook her head in response, wrapping her arms securely around herself, wishing that they were his arms. His arms that were more likely to be wrapped around the perfect redhead later that night. 

“I can find my own way back,” she mumbled, pushing past the muggleborn and continuing her rush down the stairs on her own. In a way, she was glad it was Lily she had ran into, and not James. She couldn’t possibly face him. And while facing Evans was awful, she didn’t seem to know about anything. She didn’t even know who Aurelia was. And that was something she could appreciate – being invisible.

She couldn’t remember who she had been before she met James, if she’d even been anyone at all. She had been miserable then, and she was miserable now. The only difference was the memory of a short glimpse of light; just pure, golden light and laughter. While she was immensely grateful for having gotten to feel like that, she wondered if it made the loneliness worse; having known what love like that felt like. Nobody needed her now. Nobody was missing her. And so, she couldn’t deny that it was tempting, the option of having someone need her for the rest of her life – to never be alone again. Aurelia longed for that so much it hurt. Yet, she knew that wouldn’t be fair. It wasn’t fair to place that kind of burden on anyone, let alone a child.

And either way, she couldn’t possibly be stupid enough to have a child amid a war, at the mere age of sixteen. And with a blood traitor for that matter, a blood traitor who didn’t even want her. So, she told herself she’d made the right decision going to Snape. As long as he didn’t tell anyone, it had been the right decision, and no one else would know; not James, not Evans, not her family, and definitely not Sirius. At least it would be her secret, and in six weeks, she wouldn’t have to try so damn hard to be invisible anymore – although that was something that seemed to come naturally to her.


	20. Christmas

Six weeks proved to be a long time. When only half of them had passed, Aurelia was already doubting whether she would be able to go through with it. She had only seen Snape once since he agreed to make the potion, except for the occasional run-in in the corridors. He had owled her about a week ago, upon starting on the potion, to get a hair from her. It was something about genes, or DNA. To be honest she had no idea what he was talking about, but when he said it was something she shared with the baby, it was as though it suddenly made sense. It was her baby. Of course, it would share something with her, something in her hair, in her entire being. She wondered if it would get her hair. If it would turn out silvery blonde like hers, or pitch black like James’. Or perhaps something right in between, like a soft brown. 

But then it struck her. The reason Snape needed that hair; to make sure she would never find out. She would never know if it was a little boy or a girl, if it would have her or James’ hair. She wouldn’t know, because it would never be. Their baby, who perhaps only existed in her mind, would never be. Because she had asked Snape to make that potion, to help her end a life before it had even begun.

\---

“Merlin, Fawley! Do you have your mind set on ruining every single potion we make this term?!”

She had lost it again; her sense of reality. Once again, she found herself in potions, completely lost because of just that – potions. It didn’t bloody help that they were attempting to brew draught of living death, which didn’t seem too far from what she would be drinking in three weeks. 

“Sorry,” she mumbled to the raven-haired boy, whose eyes she couldn’t bring herself to face, before she grabbed her book and quickly made her way out of the classroom which was suffocating her. 

She was already halfway to the Hufflepuff common room when she was interrupted by someone grabbing onto her wrist, an action which was way too familiar. Unfortunately, the eyes she faced upon turning around weren’t deep brown – they were the coldest shade of grey. 

“Are you alright, Fawley?”

Biting her lip, the blonde shook her head, using every bit of determination she had left to hold those tears back.

“Don’t call me that,” she said painfully, voice low. She hadn’t seen Sirius since his birthday, and to have his brother grab her wrist, stare at her with those cold eyes and call her Fawley was just a horrible reminder of how much she missed him. How much she missed all of them.

“You’ve not improved one bit. Snape’s not teaching you, is he? He is brewing something for you.” 

“He told you?!”

“He hasn’t told me shit, Fawley. But you’re completely absentminded and you’ve ruined all our potions over the last month. Quite frankly, I’m concerned.”

“About your grades, maybe…” 

“About you!”

“For Merlin’s sake, Black! You don’t even know me!”

“Oh please, Fawley. I’ve known you since we were five.”

“Don’t. Call. Me. Fawley.”

“Alright, Aurelia. Now, will you tell me what the bloody potion is for?”

“I can’t…” 

She had no reason to trust Regulus Black. Well, besides from the fact that he had warned her about her parents betrothing her to Rabastan, and about Rabastan being a death eater. But besides from that, she had no reason to trust him. But then again, she hadn’t had any reason to trust Severus either – it had simply been a matter of running out of choices. But now there she was, all alone, with three more weeks until Christmas, realizing that perhaps there was an alternative to going through those three weeks alone. 

“Are you going to make me guess? It’s obvious you need to talk to someone, Faw… Aurelia. You can talk to me.”

“Why? Is this another plot to win me over? Because I’m not marrying you, or any bloody Slytherin, ever.”

“Wow. Relax, Aurelia. I’m not interested in marrying you. Is it too wild to assume that I might need a friend, too?”

“I thought Snape was your friend.”

“Right, I’ll just go have a heart-to-heart with Severus. Brilliant idea. I’m sure he’s a great listener.”

For what seemed like the first time in weeks, Aurelia smiled. She hadn’t expected Regulus to be making jokes, which really was more of Sirius’ thing, but it was funny; the idea of anyone going to Snape for emotional support. 

“So, are you going to tell me? About the potion?”

“Not here.”

\---

And that was how Aurelia Fawley found herself in the room of requirement with Regulus Black, which, only hours ago would’ve been an incredibly strange situation, but which now seemed oddly natural. 

“How in Salazar’s name did you find this place?”

The boy was in awe, circling the room with a sparkle in his eye that she had never seen before, running his hands on every item there. He was different to his usual self. The utter lack of coldness in his eyes made the resemblance between brothers much more apparent. Regulus was slightly skinnier, much more properly attired, and had shorter hair, but apart from that, there wasn’t much telling him apart from Sirius. It made her wonder if Regulus was always wearing that too familiar pureblood mask, and if anyone else had ever seen him without it. 

“Well I… I didn’t,” she mumbled in response, turning her gaze to the floor, away from the boy who reminded her so much of Sirius. Sirius, who didn’t deserve any of the bloody pain she kept causing him.

“Oh. Someone showed it to you?”

The blonde nodded slowly, without turning her gaze up from the floor. While she wanted nothing less, she couldn’t help but to think of James and the night he had showed her that same room, and told her that he loved her more than he thought possible. 

“Merlin, Fawley! It’s a bloody terminus potion, isn’t it? I can’t believe I didn’t see it until now,” the boy suddenly exclaimed, looking just as shocked as he did horrified.

Aurelia didn’t know how he had figured it out, or how she wasn’t panicking at the fact that he knew. But the facts remained. He knew now. And she wasn’t alone in that anymore. For better or for worse.

“Please don’t tell me it Sirius. Merlin, I’m going to strangle that bloody twat!”

“How many times do I have to tell you? There is nothing going on between me and Sirius!”

“Say that again, would you? Like you mean it, this time.”

“Sod off, Black.”

“I bet you tell him that all the time.

“I’m serious!”

“No, I’m pretty sure he is.” 

“Merlin, you’re impossible! It’s James’,” she finally snapped, realizing that continuing any mindless arguing wouldn’t get him to stop. But the truth definitely did. The Slytherin stopped in his tracks, eyebrows raised and chin dropped, where he stood in the midst of the room of requirement, simply staring at her. He dropped down onto the chair opposed from her, looking as though he had just found out that Lord Voldemort was actually his mother on Polyjuice potion.

“Potter?” he finally asked, regaining some of his posture and taking a deep breath before running his hands through his hair.

The young witch nodded carefully, her eyes wandering back and forth between her new-found friend and the floor, terrified of what might happen now that yet another person knew her secret; a person who had no real incentive to keep it. 

“Does he know? Does Sirius know?”

“No. I’ve only told you and Snape. Both bloody Slytherins, I don’t know how I became so stupid.” 

“We’re not all like Lestrange, you know.”

“Apparently not.” 

“So, are you going to tell them?”

“Definitely not. No one else can know. You’d better keep your mouth shut. Now, what about your secret? You said you needed a friend.”

“Oh, I think that’s enough drama for one day, Aurelia. Let’s save mine for tomorrow.”

\---

As it turned out, Regulus’ drama was even worse than Aurelia’s. Somehow, listening to it, and trying to guide him through it, made her forget about her own problems for the moment. That fact alone made her feel like a terrible person. 

Regulus was trapped within Lord Voldemort’s circle, and she was the only person who knew both that he was a death eater, and that he didn’t want to be. If only that were the case with her brother. Her idiot of a brother who believed every word that came out of that monstrous man’s mouth. Nevertheless, Aurelia was glad that Regulus had told her. She couldn’t very well let him go through something like that on his own, in fact, she was pretty certain that would be the death of him. And so, she decided to trust him, to help him – despite the fact that he was a death eater. Because she just knew he wasn’t lying. And then there was the fact that she wasn’t alone anymore either. That she had someone to talk to, to share her messed up thoughts with.

\---

“Even if you did know where to find it, you can’t very well just wander off on your own without any idea on how you’re going to destroy it, or how you’re going to keep all of it secret from the Dark Lord!” the blonde argued, throwing herself back on the couch in the room of requirement, just about two weeks’ time after she had first brought Regulus there. 

“Don’t act like a bloody Gryffindor,” she added, crossing her arms over her chest as she stared her friend down.

“Would you rather I acted like a Slytherin?”

“In this case, yes.”

“Alright then, I’ll just go back to being his faithful servant then.”

“Ha-ha, very funny. We’ll figure it out, Reg. Once we know where to find it in the first place.”

“I don’t know, Fawley. I’m worried about what he’ll make me do over Christmas.”

“There’s no point in worrying. You don’t know that anything will happen. But if it does, you be careful, alright?”

“Are you sure you don’t want me to stay? I really don’t mind.”

“No. Not if it will make him suspicious. Just stay safe. I’ll be okay.”

Truthfully, Aurelia couldn’t wait for Christmas to be over and done with. If she had the choice, she would skip it entirely and wake up after New Year’s with no memory of it. But she didn’t have that choice. It was something she had to face, and she had to do it alone. She already knew it was going to be the worst thing she would ever have to do, but she still longed for the time when she wouldn’t have to hide her growing parts under Hogwarts robes anymore, and when she wouldn’t have to stay away from her friends anymore; if they still were her friends, that was.

“Owl me, alright?” he asked, standing up from his chair and stretching his arms over his head as he yawned. It was late, the girl realized. Most students were going back home to their families for Christmas the next morning, but Aurelia had found a way out of that, as she did most things.

“I will. Don’t do anything stupid, Reg.”

\---

Aurelia didn’t leave the room of requirement for hours, and when she finally did leave, Regulus was likely sound asleep in the dungeons since long. The Hufflepuff couldn’t sleep. In fact, she hadn’t been able to sleep for days. There was this constant bubbliness in her chest; and it wasn’t a good one. There was only one week left now, one week until Christmas, until the potion would be ready. It made her terribly nervous and horrified, because she had yet to decide if taking that potion was the right decision. 

Deep down, she knew it was the right thing do, and in reality – the only choice she had. But it was a bloody painful choice to have to make, and she wished she didn’t have to. She wished someone else would just choose for her. 

“Fawley!”

The startled girl nearly tripped over her own feet while running down the stairs in the middle of the night, and landed in safe, strong arms at the end of the stairs. Strong, bloody arms that she was doing her best to stay away from.

He reeked of firewhiskey and those muggle cigarettes he always smoked, and it wasn’t difficult to understand that there had been an end of term party – likely in the Gryffindor common room.

“You can put me down now, Sirius.”

“Thanks, but I’d rather not. You know, you’d probably disappear.” 

“Sirius! Put me down,” she demanded, and quite instantly found herself back on solid ground, taking a step back and wrapping her robe tighter around herself. 

It became silent, just then. As if the lack of closeness brought the pair back to reality; a reality in which so many things were left unspoken, and they hadn’t seen each other in nearly two months. 

“What are you doing with Regulus?” he asked, utter disgust in his spluttering voice, as he spoke his brother’s name. 

“Have you been spying on me? I told you I needed some time, and you’ve b…”

“Some time, Fawley! You said you needed some time, not two bloody months and counting! I’ve been worried sick about you, and then I see that you’re spending time with that Voldemort-loving twat! Him, Fawley. You’re choosing him over me?!”

“Muffliato,” Aurelia quickly whispered, flicking her wand, as she realized that Sirius would wake up the whole castle if she didn’t stop him.

“Merlin, Sirius! He’s my friend, alright? And if you weren’t such a presumptuous arse, perhaps you would’ve realized that your brother actually needs you! Now, get your arse into bed before I hex you into the courtyard.”

“That’s a lot of talk about my arse, Fawley. One might think that you w...”

“I’m not joking,” she warned, truly out of patience with both him and herself. Quite frankly, they both seemed rather unreliable at the moment. Him because of the firewhiskey he clearly had had too much of, and her because… well, because of reasons she didn’t care to admit to.

“Alright, alright. I’ll go to bed. But Fawley, can we please go back to normal? I don’t think I can stand it anymore; you avoiding me. I’m not him, you know. I would never… take you for granted like that. And I know you don’t feel that way about me and… that’s okay. But can we just go back to being friends?”

No longer able to hold those persistent tears back, the blonde nodded vigorously, pulling the much taller boy in for a hug; one she needed desperately. One that could make her feel both safe, and even more devastated at the same time. One she never wanted to end.

“Are you going home for Christmas?” the eighteen-year-old asked with concern, as he reluctantly let go of the girl he never wanted to let go of.

Nodding in response, Aurelia turned her gaze to the floor to hide her lie. She hated it, lying to him, avoiding him – all of it. Perhaps it could all go back to normal, after Christmas. Well, not all of if, of course. But her friendship with Sirius, maybe she didn’t have to lose that just because she’d lost everything else. 

“Owl me if you need to get out of there, alright?”

“I will. Merry Christmas, Sirius.”

“Merry Christmas, Fawley.”


	21. Pain

They left the following morning – most of them. Aurelia was one of the few students remaining at Hogwarts for the holidays. One amongst the few who didn’t have families to go home to, or those who would rather spend Christmas alone than being with their families. After that, the days just passed, and she barely took notice of it. Thankfully, she was the only one left in her dorm, and while the silence was suffocating, having her own room would come in handy over the next couple of weeks. Keeping a pregnancy secret from four dorm mates had been difficult enough, but hiding the effects of a terminus potion, now that would be a whole other story. It was a small thing to be thankful for, but it was at least something to be thankful for in a huge mess of things she couldn’t possibly be thankful for. 

Christmas was supposed to be cosy, and this Christmas was anything but. Aurelia had never really had a particularly cosy family. Not like James’ family, who were probably baking cookies to the sound of Little Drummer Boy right now – or some crazy muggle rock music if Sirius had anything to say about it.

No, Aurelia’s family had never been particularly cosy. But she had loved Christmas either way. She loved the decorations, she loved the foods, the presents, the music… and while putting the Fawleys and the Malfoys in a room together usually ended in chaos, Christmas eve seemed like the only exception – the one peaceful night each year. And that was what she had deliberately negotiated her way out of. So, rather than sitting by the fireplace listening to her grandfather tell stories of his time at the ministry, she would be drinking a terminus potion, alone in her empty Hogwarts dormitory. 

Aurelia didn’t take pride in pitying herself, in fact, she hated that quality in herself – but she couldn’t help it. As Christmas approached, she wanted nothing more than to be at home with her family, no matter how cold they could be at times. Well, actually, there was something she wanted more than that – but she wouldn’t bring herself to believe that there was any chance of James leaving his precious Lily and coming back to Hogwarts to be with her. While a small part of her hoped for that, Aurelia was too much of a realist to actually believe it. 

So, by the time Snape owled to let her know the potion was finished, it was already the morning of boxing day, and Aurelia’s mind was about as set as it ever would be – meaning it wasn’t very set at all. She knew what she needed to do, though. She was an unmarried, single sixteen-year-old, and if her family found out about her situation, there was no way they would support her. She would be alone in the world. Alone, with a baby to care for – something she couldn’t very well do as a Hogwarts student. It simply wasn’t possible, and she was left without options.

\---

“If I were you, I’d take it sooner rather than later,” Snape snorted, as he handed her the small vial of blood-red liquid. It was much smaller than she had expected, and while she was thankful it would be quick, she suddenly found herself concerned it wouldn’t work. 

“Are you sure it’s… potent?”

“Am I sure? If you don’t trust my abilities, Fawley, I suggest you take your issue to Pomfrey, or perhaps St. Mungos.”

“No, I’m sorry, it’s… Thank you for brewing it, Severus.”

“Fine. You’re welcome. Just don’t wait too long to take it or all my work will have been in vain.” 

“It has an expiration date?”

“Fifteen weeks, Fawley. If you’ve gone any further it won’t take. Now, if you’ll excuse me…”

And just like that, the strange boy was gone, and Aurelia found herself alone in an abandoned classroom, holding a small vial in her hand which already sickened her. She didn’t know how far she had gone, and that worried her in more ways than one. If she had been torn before, it was nothing compared to how she felt now. And so, she saw it as her way out of making the choice. If she drank it, it would be up to faith. Either it would work, or it wouldn’t. 

And so, before she left the classroom, Aurelia put the vial to her lips and swallowed the horrendously acrid liquid in one gulp; quickly, so that she wouldn’t have time to change her mind. The bitter taste lingered, and for a moment, she wondered if Snape might have given her actual poison – because that was exactly what it tasted like. But then, nothing happened. She didn’t feel her insides burn, or her heart slow down. There was nothing. Nothing but regret, anxiety, and the intense fear that the potion hadn’t worked; or worse, that it had.

\---

Aurelia never seemed to be able to walk through the corridors of Hogwarts without inappropriately running into someone she was trying to avoid at the absolute worst moment possible. Perhaps the fact that the people she was trying to avoid were nowadays often marauders, and that they had a bloody tracking-map had a little something to do with it. 

The Hufflepuff had just left Snape’s abandoned classroom with a small, empty glass vial in the pocket of her robe, when she reached an abrupt stop upon facing Sirius Black in the corridor – the map in his hand an immediate give away. His dark curls fell effortlessly, yet perfectly over his face, where he stood, as though he was waiting for her, wearing the Pink Floyd t-shirt he had lent her that summer. There was a black, ancient rune on his right arm, with smaller runes circling it. It hadn’t been there before, but oddly, it suited him perfectly.

Seeing him there, in the dark corridor, with dark hair, dark clothes, and dark symbols on his arm – he should probably have looked dangerous, threatening even. But Aurelia didn’t see that. All she saw was soft; soft hair, skin… soft lips. There was no teasing grin gracing them that afternoon, just a vague, soft smile, that screamed broken as much as it did relieved.

“Sirius, you… you’re not supposed to be here,” she claimed hesitatingly, wrapping the black robe around her torso habitually.

“You lied,” the boy mumbled, crossing his arms over his chest as he took a step closer, and while the girl wanted to, she couldn’t bring herself to back away from him.

“I didn’t want to keep you here for Christmas.”

“Did you ever think that perhaps that was my choice to make?”

“Did you ever think that maybe I didn’t want you here?”

He stopped at that, and grew silent, although his misty eyes were still set on her, stubborn and daring.

“Don’t do that, Fawley. Don’t push me away again. I came here for you, so that you wouldn’t have to be alone the whole month. And don’t say you didn’t want me to, because that’s not what I heard before I left.”

“No, you’re right. I’m sorry, Sirius. I’m glad you’re here; I am.”

“Me too,” the boy mumbled with yet another soft smile, as he took a few more steps towards her, ending up just in front of her. 

“This is… new,” Aurelia noted, just barely gracing the rune on his forearm with her fingertips, to her surprise feeling nothing but soft skin.

“Yeah, well, for some reason the muggle artists wouldn’t tattoo me before I was eighteen, so it was about time.”

“It suits you. What does it mean?”

“I don’t actually know,” the boy laughed, casually running his hand through his ridiculously perfect hair.

“We were in muggle London and Prongs dared m-“

“I’m sorry,” he added, grey eyes turning to the stone floor at the mention of James.

“Don’t be. I’m glad you’re friends. I couldn’t stand to have you arguing because of me.”

“It wasn’t your fault, Fawley, you know that, right? It was because of what he did.”

“Yes, well you wouldn’t have cared if you didn’t know me.”

“So what? You regret knowing me?”

“That’s not what I mean, Sirius, I just- fuck!” 

Those few who really knew Aurelia Rose Fawley, knew that she was well-mannered enough only to curse in very rare situations. And as a staggering pain cut through her lower abdomen, it was a rare situation indeed. She did her best not to bend over completely in pain, but failed to keep her hands from rushing to her stomach.

“Merlin, Fawley! Are you alright?”

“Just fine,” she lied through gritted teeth, straightening her back to face him again.

“Just another perk of being a girl. See you tomorrow?”

She barely finished speaking before she had continued her walk towards the dungeons, much more stiffly this time around.

“Is there anything I can do?” he asked after her, hesitation evident in his voice.

“Tomorrow, Sirius,” she responded with a strained voice, as she disappeared down the stairs.

\---

It had worked, she concluded, as she lay under the covers on her bed in the dungeons, hours later. She wasn’t keen on reliving it, but she was drained of energy when she realized there was nothing more she could do. They had been a few painful hours, both physically and mentally, and quite frankly – she wanted to forget all about it. Both the bloody choice she had told herself she didn’t make, and its results. Most of all, she just wanted to forget the little child she had made up inside her mind – forget it ever existed.

Unlike most of her family, Aurelia had never been particularly good at concealing or suppressing her emotions. She had always been a very sensitive and well, emotional person, which wasn’t greatly appreciated in a pureblood family that was constantly attempting to keep up appearances. Apparently, keeping one’s emotions in shack was vital for mastering occlumency – something the Hufflepuff had never managed to do, despite the many efforts by her parents.

She remembered the basics, though; the exercises they had made her do one too many times. And so that night, she repeated them endlessly in her mind until she finally drifted off to sleep with a somewhat clear mind, having shut the whole pregnancy ordeal into a large trunk and locked it away in a back room somewhere she wouldn’t go looking for it. As she did that, she could finally relax, after months of stress and concern.

She was not going to have a child. Not now. And so, she did not have to face James, Sirius, her family, her teachers… She didn’t have to face anyone to tell them about it. She didn’t have to cry any more tears, because for better or for worse, it was over now. And all she had to cry about was the fact that the boy she loved had chosen someone else; and that was more than enough. 

When she saw Sirius the next morning at breakfast, she even smiled back upon facing that half-concerned, half-happy, soft smile of his, gleaming over from the Gryffindor table. She realized then that she hadn’t been fair, complaining about losing everything. Sure, in some ways, James had been (and still was) her everything. But she hadn’t nearly lost everything. She had lost James. But there were so many things that she still had left, things she had only dreamed of before she met James; true friends. True friends, and an incredible boy who never seemed to give up on her the way everyone else always did.


	22. Pigs on the wing

1977 was over in a blink. It had been the most eventful year in Aurelia’s life, for better or worse, and there was no simple way to summarize everything that had come to pass. She wondered if next year would be different, if it would be better – if perhaps it would be worse. She was probably being optimistic, hoping for things to get better when there was a war approaching; a war in which her closest family and friends were involved.

Aurelia spent New Year’s Eve in the Room of Requirement with Regulus, arguing about Sirius – their second most recurring topic, second only to methods on destroying horcruxes. She was supposed to have spent the evening with the eldest Black-brother, because Merlin forbid those two put their differences aside for one night, but naturally, one couldn’t simply spend New Year’s Eve with Sirius without getting James Potter, too. And so, Aurelia Fawley stayed as far away from Gryffindor Tower as possible that evening.

“Out of the question! He’s a complete twat, Fawley, and I don’t see why you would even suggest that I should forgive him in the first place, when he won’t even bloody apologize!” the boy exclaimed heatedly, falling back on the sofa and dragging his hands across his face.

“He is not! Sure, leaving you there was wrong, but that was years ago – you were both kids, Regulus. He’s different now. He came back to Hogwarts so that I wouldn’t have to spend Christmas alone,” the blonde defended, taking a sip from her butterbeer before pulling her legs up under her chin where she sat on the opposite end of the sofa.

“That’s because he has ulterior motives, Fawley. He’s trying to charm you, and clearly, seeing as you’re taking his side, it’s working.”

“Oh please, Reg. What would you know about charming girls?”

“That is so far beside the point, you might need a map to find your way back to it.”

“No but really, don’t you have anywhere better to be tonight? I’ve seen the way you look at Nott…”

“Well, he isn’t interested. Besides, I wouldn’t leave you alone like that – I’m not my brother,” the boy muttered bitterly and reached for his butterbeer on the table.

“Well, I’m perfectly capable of being alone, thank you very much. And if you’d rather be with your Ravenclaw bloke, you should,” Aurelia dictated, grinning at her friend.

“And if you’d rather be with your Gryffindor bloke, you should,” he shot back, eyebrows raised so high she was certain he was daring her.

“For the hundredth time! There is nothing going on between Sirius and I!”

“Who said anything about Sirius?” the boy grinned, clearly taking her assumption as evidence of his suspicions. Either way, he was profoundly fond of teasing her, especially about Sirius, and always took every opportunity of doing so.

“You know what, Reg? If you feel so terribly sorry for your brother for being deprived of my company, I’ll just put you out of your misery and go comfort him. Is that what you want?”

“Ah yes, poor Sirius who has to endure living with those plain awful Potters and his upgrade of a brother. Poor Sirius, who’ll never get to experience our mother’s love again. Poor Sirius, who has never been graced with the pleasant company of the Dark Lord.”

“Regulus, don’t.”

“Don’t what? I’m tired of you always taking his side. He’s a terrible brother, and I’m sure he won’t make much of a friend either. But suit yourself. I’m going to bed.”

\---

Just like that, he was gone, and the odd pair had had their first argument since they first became friends. Aurelia hated it, she realized; Regulus being upset with her. Quite frankly, being friends with both Black-brothers was proving to be quite the challenge, and getting them to talk to each other seemed impossible. But she had to. While neither of them wanted to admit it, they were miserable, and they needed each other. They needed more than a broken Hufflepuff of a friend, who could only help them so much.

Regulus needed someone strong and brave, someone on the right side of the war, who could help him figure out a solution to his situation. And Sirius, well, Sirius needed someone to talk to. Someone who wasn’t James. Someone who wasn’t Aurelia.

And Aurelia… Aurelia needed them both, and she needed them to get along. She couldn’t bear being torn between them, always feeling guilty for letting one of them down. And she couldn’t bear being alone. Especially on New Year’s Eve, knowing that all her Gryffindor friends were likely laughing together at another one of James & Sirius’ pranks, or playing whiskey gobstones without her.

And so, the blonde left the room of requirement, slowly making her way up to the Gryffindor tower, sitting down on the cold stone floor next to the sleeping fat lady in the portrait. Surely there couldn’t be a party going on in there if the portrait was asleep? Perhaps they were in the Shrieking Shack, or in James’ common room.

Either way, it was quite the gamble, waiting there for whomever would find her first. Eventually, someone would come. Perhaps a prefect stuck with patrolling duty, or worse; Filch. Somehow, she was hoping that one of the boys would look at the map, see her, and put an end to her loneliness. She found herself desperately hoping it would be James. That he would waltz around the corner with his ridiculously confident grin and pull her up from the floor and into his arms.

“Are you alright?”

She was pulled back to reality, as a raven-haired boy sat down next to her, and she hadn’t noticed the tears rolling down her cheeks until then. Silently, she wiped them off her cheeks, as the familiar scent of firewhiskey and muggle cigarettes calmed her senses.

“I had an argument with your brother,” she replied, voice low but collected.

“What did that prat do this time?” Sirius inquired, not quite as calm at the mention of his brother.

“He was blaming you for all his problems.”

“And you defended me? I’m honoured, Fawley. Although, I don’t understand why you were spending time with him in the first place. Everyone knows that I’m the better, and far more handsome brother.”

“Can we not do this now? I’m tired of being caught up in your childish row, and you should probably get back to your party before someone starts missing you.”

“Is that why you’re sitting here, outside the entrance to the Gryffindor common room? Because you don’t want to see me?”

“You’re right, it was stupid. I’ll just go to bed,” she mumbled, rubbing her eyes before getting back up on her feet.

“You will do no such thing. It’s New Year’s Eve, and I’m quite certain it’s prohibited to go to bed before seeing the fireworks. Besides, there’s a Pink Floyd record up there just waiting for you to hear it. I promise, no more talking about the lesser Black-brother,” he smiled, flinging to his feet to intercept her path to the stairs.

“What about… the boys?” she asked hesitantly, not able to bring herself to say James’ name. She couldn’t bare facing him like this, she realized. Not accidentally, not if he didn’t want to see her. Not if he didn’t choose her.

“They’re in the Heads’ common room. They won’t be back for long. And Prongs, he’s got his own dorm now. Far more luxurious than ours. Don’t worry about it, Fawley.”

“I don’t know, Sirius.”

“Come on, Fawley. It’s the best view in the castle, and it comes with complimentary firewhiskey.”

“What fool could ever say no to complimentary firewhiskey?” she grinned, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Alright, but after the fireworks, I’m going back downstairs,” she added determinedly.

“And I’ll walk you,” he promised, turning around to face the portrait and clear his throat to wake the fat lady up.

\---

About an hour later, the sky lit up to the tones of Pink Floyd and the taste of Odgen’s Olde Firewhiskey. And at that moment, Aurelia Fawley could not imagine a better way of spending the night. Not with Regulus in the room of requirement, not even with James, wherever he might be.

“Fawley?” the boy asked, hesitantly, after they had sat in silence for what seemed like forever, watching the colourful skies outside the window.

“Mhm?”

“Are you okay? Like, really?”

“I will be,” she mumbled in response, not sure if she was trying to fool Sirius or herself. Perhaps it was both. Yet, in that moment, however bittersweet being in that dorm without James was, she honestly felt like she would be alright. There was a calm in her, being with him, a sense of being safe. Something she could only describe as home. Although it carried a different meaning than with James, different than with Reg, different than with her family. There was a kind of silence between them that was comfortable, one where you didn’t have to speak to say what you meant. It was as though that feeling alone was what she had waited for all her life – without even knowing it.

“Good,” the eighteen-year-old replied, stretching his arms over his head as he yawned, revealing a thin strip of butterscotch skin between his jumper and the rim of his trousers, that the blonde tried her hardest to ignore. His yawn was infectious, and soon she too was stretching, only to end up wrapping her robe tighter around herself that cold December -or was it January? – night.

“I should get going,” she mumbled, turning her gaze to the floor as to keep it from gluing to him for too long.

“It’s late, you should stay. It’s not like you haven’t slept here before. I’ll just take the floor,” he mumbled, softly, before transfiguring a jumper into a pillow and placing it on the floor next to his bed, as though it had already been decided.

“Don’t be stupid, Sirius. I’m not taking your bed. I’ll just go back to my dorm.”

“Well, I can’t let you walk all the way down there alone, and to be honest, I’m quite tired. You’d be doing me a favour, really.”

“Fine,” she conceded, getting into the bed that smelled like cigarettes, musk, and dog fur, certain that she would never be able to fall asleep, however relaxing those scents may or may not be.

“Fawley?” a soft voice asked, from the darkness next to the bed.

“Yes?”

“Do you ever think of the war?”

“Every day,” she quietly admitted into the night, her mind instantly wandering to Augustus and Lucius, to Regulus; hoping that they would be alright, pleading that they wouldn’t lose themselves. She couldn’t bear the thought of losing either of them, but the thought of losing them to the darkness, that was worse.

“Sometimes, I just feel so powerless. Like being here doesn’t make any sense, you know? Studying divination, when I could be out there making a real difference,” he confessed with a sigh, and she could hear him roll over on the floor.

“It’s not in vain, Sirius. You’re still learning. And I don’t know what I’d do if you weren’t here. Besides, you can make a real difference here, at Hogwarts. You could start by making things right with your brother.”

“Clever.”

“I’m serious!”

“No, I’m Sirius. You’re-“

“I’m Aurelia, yes I know. But at least think about it, will you?”

“Whatever you say, Kitten.”

“Goodnight, Sirius,” she muttered, rolling her eyes at the new pet-name that she hoped would be forgotten by morning.

“Goodnight, Fawley.”

Minutes later, a soft black dog leapt up into the bed and snuggled up beside her, its thick, black fur tickling against her arm.

“You are one sly dog, Snuffles. And you’re only getting away with this because it’s cold. Don’t get any ideas.”

\---

Whenever a lone firework lit up the sky that night, the shaggy dog whimpered slightly and crept closer towards the pale girl under the covers, as she scratched his back rhythmically along with the all too familiar lyrics sounding from the record player:

_You know that I care what happens to you._   
_ And I know that you care for me, too._   
_ So I don’t feel alone,_   
_ or the weight of the stone._   
_ Now that I’ve found somewhere safe,_   
_ to bury my bone._   
_ And any fool knows a dog needs a home;_   
_ a shelter from pigs on the wing._


	23. Brothers

It would take Aurelia more than two months of nagging before she finally got the Black-brothers to agree to a meeting, in February, with the sole reason that it was all she said she wanted for her birthday. Needless to say, she had been met with several objections to her persistent pleading over the last few months, the most recent ones suggesting other things she might want for her birthday. The pair were desperate to avoid one another, but as Aurelia’s birthday approached, they found themselves without much of a choice, and both agreed to meet just a few days before February 15th. 

As several silent hours passed that Monday evening, the girl’s concern only grew larger. The only thing both brothers had agreed upon was that if they were to meet, to try and work things out, she was not to be present. It was between them, they had both said. And while naturally, she understood that they were right, her nerves were still killing her. It was nearly ten in the evening, and she hadn’t heard from either of them since before they had both gone to the room of requirement to work things out. 

After (not so) patiently waiting for yet another fifteen minutes, the young witch decided that she couldn’t spend another minute in the Hufflepuff common room, and left with determination to find her friends, hoping that they hadn’t managed to kill each other.

In a way, she was relieved upon finding Sirius alone in the room of requirement, although his dejected body language was enough to tell her what an immense failure their meeting had been.

“What happened?” the girl asked hesitantly, as she sat down on the sofa next to the boy who hadn’t looked up since she entered the room.

“What do you think happened?” the boy roared, as he got up from the sofa to start pacing across the room, which only appeared to get bigger with each step he took.

“The hypocritical little death eater still blames me for getting out of there when he’s well aware that I’d be as good as dead if I’d stayed. Not that he cares. He’s just like them. Worse, even. Please tell me you didn’t know, Fawley. You didn’t know, did you?”

His furious expression softened along with his explanation, and finally, he was in tears rather than anger, much like Aurelia had been upon finding out that her brother had taken the mark. And as pained, grey eyes looked up to meet hers, she was struck with guilt for having kept that from him for so long. 

“I’m sorry, Sirius. It just… it wasn’t my place to tell.”

“For fuck’s sake! How long have you known?”

Just like that, he was back to anger, desperately throwing his arms around in the air, with overly dramatic movements.

“Sirius, did you even hear him out?”

“Hear him out?! Why in Godric’s name should I listen to a bloody death eater? And why are you friends with him, huh? Don’t tell me you are one of them too!”

“Don’t be an arse, Black. Sit down, and take a bloody breath. You know very well that I would never, never, join them even if my very life depended on it.”

“I don’t know anything anymore-“ the boy begun, but was cut off.

“Sit down, will you?! This pacing of yours is making me nervous.”

“Fine!” he complained, crossing his arms as he reluctantly sat back down on the sofa.

“I’m worried he’s going to get himself killed, Sirius. That’s why I’ve been trying-“ 

“Well he’s only got himself to blame for that, he can rot in Azkaban for all-“

“Sirius!” the Hufflepuff finally roared, after the pair had cut each other off countless times, neither wanting to hear what the other had to say. Aurelia imagined that was much how the conversation between the two brothers had played out earlier that evening. 

“He isn’t loyal to them. I’m afraid he might try to take down the Dark Lord on his own, and despite whatever happened between the two of you in the past, I’m sure you wouldn’t let your own brother walk into that trap.”

“Wait… He wants to kill Voldemort?” the eighteen-year-old asked, face full of disbelief.

“That’s what he says, yes.”

“But he’s sixteen!”

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell him.”

It was silent after that, Sirius staring at the floor again, dark locks covering his face – hiding him from her. He was impossible to read in that moment, but that hurt look in his eyes had glued to her mind, and she couldn’t help but to think that it wasn’t the first time she had hurt him. And how she hated knowing that, that she just kept on hurting him, over and over again. He deserved so much better than that.

“Are you alright?” she finally asked, hesitantly moving over to his side of the sofa, her fingers gently scratching along his back – an action that had become quite habitual between Aurelia and her canine friend, but which perhaps was slightly too intimate for her friendship with human Sirius. 

“Yeah, I’m fine. I just… feel like such a twat. I’ll try and talk to him tomorrow. But thanks, Fawley. For… looking out for him.”

“It’s not like that. He looked out for me first. He’s a good person. He’s just a bit reckless, that’s all. And he could use his brother.”

“Yeah, I suppose… You might be good for each other,” he mumbled, turning that grey gaze to the floor again, his voice weak and disappointed. 

“Merlin Sirius, you really don’t know your brother, do you?” the girl grinned, causing her friend to look up at with furrowed brows and quizzical eyes. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Oh no, I’m not going to be revealing any more of his secrets, you’ll just have to ask him yourself. But as I’ve told you before, we’re just friends, and that’s not going to change.”

“And what about us?” he asked, looking right at her this time, not an inch of hesitation in his face.

“What about us?” the blonde replied innocently, despite knowing exactly what he meant – despite having thought the same thing. 

“Is it ever going to change?”

There was no denying the instantaneous increase in her heart rate, nor the blood that was suddenly rushing to her face with his words. With what his words confirmed. And while they were completely overthrowing, these were still feelings that she wasn’t quite ready to face just yet. 

“I… I don’t know,” the witch finally replied, lowly, yet honestly.

“I’m still in love with him,” she admitted reluctantly, turning her gaze away from the boy in front of her, and her mind wandering to another dark-haired Gryffindor. One with hazel eyes and a smile that could light up the world.

“Of course you are… I’m sorry. I just thought maybe you… Never mind.” 

There were a great many things she wanted to tell him right then and there, as he tore his disappointed gaze away from hers and she knew she had hurt him yet again. She wanted to tell him how terribly safe she felt in his arms – when all the world was threatening and ever-changing. How nobody had ever understood her as he did, and how her heart raced when he looked right through her with those intense, stormy eyes. She wanted to tell him that she should never have given him a hard time over that kiss in the first place, because it had been just as much her initiative as it had been his. She wanted to tell him that she loved him, too. But alas, she couldn’t, because she didn’t know what all that meant yet. She didn’t know if it could ever mean anything, nor change anything. Because the truth still remained; she was in love with James Potter – despite however much he had hurt her. Despite the fact that he was perfectly happy with his new girlfriend.

So, rather than saying all those things, Aurelia Rose Fawley stayed stubbornly silent, desperately ignoring the agony that doing so caused her. 

“I should go to bed,” the silvery blonde girl finally mumbled, forcing herself to get up from the sofa and leave him. In all honesty, the mere thought of sleeping alone in her dorm was awful, but she couldn’t very well make a habit of snuggling up next to Padfoot whenever she was the least bit lonely or upset. It wasn’t fair to either of them, especially him. 

“Goodnight, Fawley. And thanks again, for Reggie…”

“Don’t thank me, Siri… I only ever cause you harm, it was the least I could do.”

“You could never cause me harm, Kitten. Sweet dreams, and I’ll see you tomorrow, alright?”

“Alright,” the blonde agreed, with a weak smile before leaving him and the hidden room to make her way down the many stairs that led to the dungeons.  


\---

Walking through Hogwarts’ corridors after curfew was not only prohibited, it was also plain stupid. If you weren’t in the possession of an invisibility cloak or the Marauder’s map, or both - being caught was somewhat of an inevitability. 

And then he suddenly appeared, in the fifth-floor corridor somewhere between the Prefects’ bathroom and the staircase, warm hazel eyes open wide where he stood frozen in front of her. There weren’t enough words to describe the absurdity of the situation. It was as though she had made him up in her head; him and their entire relationship. As though she had imagined knowing him, but really didn’t. And then there he was, in the flesh, looking at her like only he could, and it all came back to her. It had been real. She hadn’t talked to him four months, but she did know him, and he knew her.

“Lia,” the tall boy breathed softly, standing still in his spot, as though moving even the slightest would scare her away like a frightened deer. 

“What are you doing up?” he asked, looking around the empty corridor before settling on her again with those intoxicating eyes.

“That’s none of your business,” she mumbled in response, crossing her arms over her chest as to hold herself together and him away. 

“I missed you,” he continued, voice just as soft as she remembered it, although the words were taunting her.

“Don’t, James. You don’t get to say that,” the blonde managed, shaking her head at him to stop the tears from escaping her eyes. She had missed him, too, though. She had missed him so much she could barely get up in the morning. But this had been his choice. His fault. Not hers. 

“I’m sorry. This isn’t how I wanted things to play out, I just… I want you in my life, Lia.”

“Well, how did you want things to play out? Were you going to keep seeing her behind my back? Is that it?”

“Of course not! I just didn’t know. I didn’t know that she felt that way. I thought there was no chance… and I was drunk and overwhelmed.”

“So, what was I then? A distraction from her?”

“I loved you, Lia. I really did.”

“Did.”

“It’s not like that, I still love you, I just… She’s the love of my life.”

“And you’re mine,” she mumbled under her breath, reluctantly tearing her eyes away from his apologetic face. She hated him for it, for apologizing and explaining. It was unbelievable, how you could both hate and love a person so relentlessly, at the same time. 

It was silent for a long time after that, grey eyes stuck on hazel, both students frozen in their place, and in a way, frozen in time as well. 

“Can’t we just be friends?” James finally pleaded, breaking the silence, breaking the spell. And while one part of her wanted nothing more than to say yes, to make him feel better, there was another part of her that could never be just friends with him. A part of her that she didn’t trust around him – the part that might just as well ruin everything she had built up over the last four months. And so, she knew they couldn’t just be friends. She knew, because it would either break her down to be that close to him and still not have him, or that weak part of her would take over and she would throw herself at him at some point, ruining everything; ruining their so-called friendship, his relationship with Lily, ruining things with Sirius – whatever they were. 

“I wish we could,” Aurelia admitted, tears defying her and finally escaping her eyes.

“I really do,” she continued, her pale hand grazing against his as she pushed past him and continued down the corridor towards the stairs and Hufflepuff common room just after midnight on February 14th, 1978, heavy tears falling down her cheeks. 

It was a curse, loving him. If only she didn’t, she might be happy, despite all her hardships and despite the ongoing war. If only she didn’t, he could still be a part of her life. But she did, and she always would, and that was a terribly painful realization.


	24. Seventeen

It was Valentine's Day, and it was a right mess. Perhaps it shouldn't have been much of a surprise to the girl, considering that Aurelia Rose Fawley had yet to experience a romantic or even remotely nice Valentine's Day, and on top of that; that she had been dumped by James a few months back. It wasn't as though the Hufflepuff had expected a cute or romantic day, she had simply hoped for it to not be terrible, which apparently had been too much to ask for.

It was the day before her seventeenth birthday, and as the young witch wasn't exactly looking forward to the upcoming day, she had hoped to be distracted somehow, by something positive. Something like cute anonymous notes, flowers, or at least chocolates. Naturally, that did not happen. Instead, she got to be distracted by the grand scene James put up at the Gryffindor table during breakfast, literally showering Lily in white lilies, sweets, and Merlin forbid, kisses. It was nauseating, and as the Hufflepuff couldn't take another bite of her toast, let alone another second of the hellish activities over by the Gryffindor table, she left the Great Hall in a terrible mood - not having managed to finish as much as half her jam toast.

As to make things even worse, she ran into Sirius during her first break, balancing two boxes of chocolate, a heart-shaped letter and a bunch of flowers in his arms while stuffing his mouth with chocolates. Naturally, he had a horde of girls swooning over him and it was just plain disgusting.

"Who gave you those?" the girl inquired, arms crossed over her chest in a failed attempted not to sound half as irritated as she was.

"Some Ravenclaw I think…"

"And you're eating them, really?"

"Why? You're not jealous, are you Fawley?" he smirked in response, looking despitefully pleased with himself as he stuffed another chocolate into his mouth.

"If you're going to be a prat, do you mind doing so literally anywhere else? I'm not in the mood."

"Why? Wha- did anything happen?" the boy asked, his expression milder than before as he held out the box of chocolates to her.

"I don't want your slutty chocolates, Sirius."

"Fine, sorry. Did I do something?"

"Nothing out of the ordinary. It's… I just can't believe him! Just last night he was telling me he still loved me, begging me to be friends. And now he's purposely throwing it in my face, making grand romantic gestures for her and giving her lilies when he knows that I'm all alone over at the Hufflepuff table. Like I always am!" the blonde roared, somewhere right in between fury and tears. She didn't land in the latter until the tall boy in front of her had dropped said items in his arms to wrap her closely in them, furious tears escaping her eyes to his school robes where they stood wrapped together in the middle of the sixth-floor corridor.

"I'm sorry," the boy mumbled lowly, his dark curls brushing against her wet cheek.

"It's not your fault."

"I'm sorry my best mate's a twat," he continued, with a half-hearted laugh as he stroke her hair.

Steadily, the girl managed to calm down her breaths, focusing on the mild scent of his cologne, and how it just nearly covered that of cigarette smoke. On sheer instinct, the skinny girl mindlessly wrapped her arms tighter around his middle, burying her face in his chest as she pulled him even closer.

The odd pair quickly flung apart as a wolf whistle rung through the corridor, Sirius immediately bending down to pick up his chocolate boxes and letters, and Aurelia taking deep breaths to calm her desperate heart-beats and nerves at the frantic sensation of being so close to him and then suddenly not.

"Here… take these," the boy mumbled hesitantly, as he handed her an unscathed box of chocolates.

"I already told you, Sirius. I don't want your slutty chocolates!" she snapped, taking a hasty step away from the boy, whose closeness was getting dangerous again; messing with her pulse.

"My chocolates are not slutty!"

"Oh, so you didn't shag the Ravenclaw who gave them to you?"

"That's beside the point, and completely unfair!"

"Trouble in paradise?" a familiar, yet disturbingly smug voice cut in, as Regulus' grey eyes set on her, with a grin to match his voice.

"For the last time, Reg. There is nothing going on betw-"

"So you've said," he cut her off plainly, but dropped his grin as the slightly taller boy turned around to face him.

"Reggie," he breathed, his voice full of vulnerability, and any trace of anger the girl had carried for him melted off her instantaneously.

"Sirius," the younger brother replied stiffly, his face embodying the wall Aurelia knew he constantly put up to keep people out.

"I'm sorry… about yesterday. About everything," Sirius continued, fiddling with the letter in his hand.

"You're sorry?" Regulus asked with a surprised expression evident on his face, before he took a deep breath, seemingly collecting himself, mending a weak spot in his wall.

"We'll talk about this later. Aurelia, we have class," he continued, gesturing towards the classroom on his right.

The curly boy in front of her turned back around, pleading grey eyes reminding her that their far from over.

"I'm sorry, Siri… And thank you. I'll see you later?" the girl mumbled, hastily yet surprisingly softly, her hand stroking his arm as she passed him on her way into Ancient Runes class.

"Siri, really? Just friends, my arse…" Regulus muttered as he entered the classroom with his Hufflepuff friend in tow.

\---

The following day was, thankfully, marginally better. There was a relief to turning seventeen - one the girl hadn't expected; one which caught her by surprise. While there were still expectations to live up to, obligations even, she was free. She was of age, and so, she didn't have to live with her parents, she didn't have to obey her mother, nor wait for the Knight's Bus ever again.

But seventeen was also the mark of something else; the now four years she had left to marry before her parents were free to give her away to the highest bidder. Perhaps that was an overly dramatic way of looking at the situation, but ever since they had nearly betrothed her to Rabastan Lestrange - Aurelia was expecting the worst.

This time, as the girl sat down by the Hufflepuff table for breakfast, her loneliness didn't last long. There were several complaints over by the Gryffindor table as its resident womanizer got up from his seat and brought a whole plate of pancakes with him as he left; although he didn't get particularly far.

"I made you breakfast," Sirius grinned as he set the plate of pancakes down on the Hufflepuff table and slid down in the seat next to the birthday girl.

"You made me breakfast?"

"Always so caught up in the details, Fawley. It's the thought that matters."

"Alright, alright, I suppose you're right."

"So… There's not exactly an Aurelia-flower, but I got you this, like your middle name. Happy birthday," the boy explained, as he conjured a white rose and offered it to her.

"Sirius, you didn't have to… This is... Thank you," Aurelia mumbled, her gaze leaving the beautiful flower to meet his familiar gaze. A gaze that, at first sight could look cold and determined, but which, upon deeper consideration was most definitely compelling and yearning. And so, Aurelia found herself stuck, just for a moment, gazing back into those eyes with the same intensity and intent, forgetting about the rest of the world.

"So, you're getting your other present at the party tonight," the boy confessed hastily, breaking the silence, breaking the spell.

"Wait, what? Another present? And a party? I don't think that's a good idea, Siri."

"It's just something small, I'll pick you up in the dungeons at eight?"

"Fine," the girl finally agreed just as Fidelis, the Fawley family owl, dropped a neatly wrapped package with an attached letter onto her lap.

\---

"So, you and Sirius, huh?" Marlene McKinnon asked bitterly later that night, as the two girls were sitting on Remus bed, across the room from the four boys playing some kind of alcoholic version of wizard's chess.

"What? No, Marlene. We're friends, that's all… why would you say that?"

"Oh please, you've been staring at each other at three minute intervals all night. Don't try to tell me you're just friends."

"We have not!" the girl defended, subconsciously glancing over at the eldest Black-brother, who quickly turned his gaze towards the chessboard as it met another one.

"Uh-huh? And what was that then?"

"Well, I had to check if he was staring, didn't I?" the white blonde girl hissed in response, keeping her voice down so that the boy in the other end of the room wouldn't hear her.

"And?"

"Marley… I think he might fancy me, and I'm so sorry, I wouldn't, you know. I would never do that to you."

"Well, duh! The bloke's been obsessing over you for months, Lia. And quite frankly, it sort of looks like you two are finally shagging, and I don't mind, really. I mean it's not like him and me were ever going to be anything more."

"What, no! He kissed me once, months ago, that's all."

"So there is something going on between you two! I knew it!"

"Shh, keep your voice down, will you?! It was only once and I'm pretty sure it was only to keep me from finding out about what James was doing in the broom closet," the Hufflepuff muttered, once again glancing up to meet the gaze of a positively intoxicated Sirius Black.

"So, do you want to kiss him again?" Marlene inquired quizzically, shaking her head at the oblivious pair.

"Do I what? No! I mean, definitely not. I just…" Shit. She had been staring at his lips that whole time, and was terrified upon understanding that that was exactly what she wanted. Boy, did she want to kiss Sirius Black again. It was probably the firewhiskey speaking, though. Generally, Aurelia was much too sensible to even admit such a thing to herself, nevertheless Marlene. Although, she hadn't really admitted it to Marlene, had she?

"You do!" the other blonde squealed in excitement, which in all honesty was rather disturbing, seeing that just less than a year ago, she had been the one pining after the handsome Gryffindor.

"Merlin, Marlene! Keep it down! I can't, alright? It wouldn't be fair to anyone. Not to you, not to Sirius, not to James, and… not to myself either, for that matter. It's a disastrous idea, and it's never happening. Simple as that."

"Oh no. Don't you dare think about being fair to James, Lia. He doesn't deserve it and you know it! And me, well, don't mind me either. So that leaves two. Now, I think you both deserve a bloody break, don't you?"

"Did you know why he broke things off with you?" Aurelia asked with a low voice, instantly turning the situation into a much more serious one.

"He said he didn't feel the same way," the Gryffindor mumbled in response, blue eyes seeking out the boy in question, and then turning back towards her friend.

"Because he was in love with someone else."

"Who, you? He told you this?"

"No, what, of course it's not me! It's just… The point is, he didn't think it was fair to lead you on when he was in love with someone else. And I'm still in love with James, Marley. So I'm not going to do that to him. I can't do that to him, when I know that he would never."

"And what about you? How would it not be fair to you?"

"That's… a different story, Marley. One for an evening with larger amounts of firewhiskey."

"There's plenty of firewhiskey in Sirius' robes, you just have to reach out and grab it," grinned Peter who just passed by.

"Gross, Pete. Why don't you fetch it instead of eavesdropping?" Marlene snapped, sending the boy on his way over to get the bottle.

"You can't be very discrete if even Peter has got it figured out," she added, winking at the girl sitting in front of her, and catching the bottle of firewhiskey Peter tossed her.

"You said you needed more firewhiskey," Marlene grinned, as she handed over the bottle to the other blonde, looking very pleased with herself.

"That's not exactly what I said, Marley. I don't think I can talk about it, please don't make me?"

"Of course not, it's fine Lia! You're allowed secrets. But if you ever feel like talking about it, I'm here, alright? Now, have some firewhiskey either way, it's your birthday for Merlin's sake!"

\---

"Hey."

It was a soft voice that woke her up, although it didn't seem to matter how soft it was, as the last thing the girl wanted was to be woken up to that unbearable nausea. She had been dreaming something nice, something about puppies and soft hugs. And to be woken up to nausea and dizziness was not to be preferred.

The pale girl groaned as she turned away from the voice, attempting to pull the covers over her face, but failing.

"I'm sorry, Kitten. Remus is a stubborn prat who insists on sleeping in his own bed, so I'll just move you real quick, and you can sleep in my bed. Alright?"

"Noo, I'm cosy here," the girl murmured in response, hugging the pillow as one would expect a five year old to do.

"We can get cosy if that's what you want, Fawley," Sirius grinned, earning a well-deserved arm punch from Remus, who was standing next to his friend waiting patiently for his bed.

The intoxicated girl sighed in disapproval as strong arms picked her up from her perfect bed, only to put her down in a terribly cold one instead.

"Siri," she mumbled, her arm reaching out into thin air, not finding him in the darkness of the room.

"Yes?"

"Stay."


	25. Secrets

Later that year, in June, the Marauders graduated. The school year had passed incredibly fast as summer approached, yet again. A summer which, much like the previous one, would prove quite lonely. The last thing Aurelia wanted was to go back and live with her parents, but despite being of age, she couldn't very well go about buying herself an apartment while still at Hogwarts and quite frankly, not in a position to ask for allowances.

To her disappointment, Sirius had gotten an apartment with James right after graduation, and Regulus stayed with his parents over the summer, meaning that the young witch had no refuge from her mother's many set ups. Well, except for the times when her oblivious mother attempted to set her up with Regulus, that was.

It was strange, spending time at Grimmauld Place. There was a certain atmosphere to the house, a grey mist hanging over everybody's heads; one you could still see in Sirius' eyes if you looked closely enough, and one that effortlessly passed over Regulus' emotionless wall. And yet, despite the discomfort that being there caused her, she would take it over Fawley Manor any day, because at least there, she had one friend.

"Regulus, why don't you give dear Aurelia here the grand tour?" Mrs. Black inquired after a few glasses of wine served with the main course, and the Hufflepuff had never been more thankful about being asked to leave the table before dessert.

There weren't a great many situations where the Blacks and the Fawleys could be referred to as daft, but in this case, they most certainly were. Aurelia's parents had no clue that Regulus was one of her best friends, and in particular, the kind of friends they wanted to keep her away from. And Regulus' parents, well, they had yet to figure out that their youngest son had more interest in any of the Chudley Cannons players than he did girls in general. That boy was about as straight as a boomerang.

"Certainly, mother," Regulus replied, jumping to his feet with a straight back, leading his friend out of the dining room only to release a breath it seemed he had been holding for hours.

\---

"I swear, that woman makes me want to burn this house down," he muttered, grinding his teeth in frustration when they had finally made their way to the library.

"Are you okay?" the boy continued, wrapping her in his arms after closing the door behind them.

"Just fine. You?" Aurelia replied, relaxing into his embrace, as though it was her first chance to breathe since arriving at his house earlier that evening.

"I'm alive, aren't I?"

"Yes, and thank Merlin for that! I've been worried sick. Have you… been summoned?"

"I'd rather not talk about it."

"Sure, sure. I'm sorry. Did you… Have you seen him at all?" she asked weakly, hesitation apparent in her voice.

"Sirius? Once or twice. Have you?"

"Of course I haven't! He moved in with James sodding Potter, didn't he? And besides, he doesn't even write me back."

The pair made their way up the stairs, actually taking the tour of the house, one that felt oddly nostalgic for the girl who had never been there before at all. Sirius' room looked untouched, literally. It was a right mess, and one that reminded her of the Gryffindor boys' dorm back at Hogwarts. Decorated in red and gold, with muggle objects and clothes thrown across the floor. It even smelled like him. It was as though the scents of his cologne, cigarettes, and dog fur had stuck to the walls in one last rebellious act against Mrs. Black.

Reggie's room was quite the opposite. It was neatly tidied, but rather dark. The walls were painted dark green, with decorations in silver, and the furniture was old, statuesque, and presumably very expensive. In a way, it reminded her of him. Just like that room, the exterior he put up was dark, noble and tidied. Any sign of the bright, kind boy underneath was well hidden away, in everything but his eyes. Those loving, grey eyes said it all, and despite everything happening in this war, he was still that same innocent boy.

"It wouldn't be so bad, would it?" the young witch asked, as she walked along the room, running her fingers over the spines of his books.

"What wouldn't?"

"Us… Married. I mean, I trust you, and I suppose you trust me too. It's what they want, and we'd be sort of free, wouldn't we? You could find a boyfriend, and I wouldn't have to marry Lestrange or any other monstrosity of a man."

There was a relief to the girl's voice, a sort of hopefulness, yet there was also a sadness to it; dejection perhaps.

"Don't, Aurelia. Don't give up yet. You've got, what- four years? You'll find someone. And I… I'll be lucky if I make it out of this war alive."

"I'm not! It's just.. It's a solution, isn't it? And you're not going to die, Regulus. I won't let you."

"It's really not. Instead of bugging us about marriage, they would be nagging about children and… and what about Sirius?"

"What about Sirius?"

"Come on, Aurelia. You know he loves you, and while you might be lying to yourself about your feelings, you can't lie to me. If anything, he's the one you should be marrying."

"I know no such thing. He has been ignoring me all summer, and besides, you know very well that my parents would never approve of a blood traitor like him."

"He's just trying to keep you safe…"

"Well, he has a funny way of showing it."

"Perhaps. But I swear, Aurelia, he really is."

"Safe from what?" the blonde demanded, grey eyes narrowed as she stared down her best friend.

"It's not my place to say."

"Safe from what, Regulus?"

"Well… It's… He joined an Order."

"What kind of order?"

"The secret kind that I can't tell you about."

"What kind of order, Regulus?"

"I really can't tell you, Aurelia."

"But why would he tell you if you can't even tell..."

The girl stopped mid-sentence, suspicious eyes glaring into those of the boy in front of her. They weren't much for keeping secrets. Ever since they had first become friends, that was the major thing keeping them so close; they didn't keep secrets from one another. She had told him about the whole pregnancy ordeal, and he had told her how he was a death eater and that he was trying to find a way to take Voldemort down. Those weren't small secrets. In fact, those were secrets kept away from the rest of the world. And now, it seemed as though Sirius had told him something about this order, and suddenly, she was excluded from their circle of trust. Unless there was a spell of some sorts… a vow of secrecy. Unless…

"You're in it too? For fuck's sake, Regulus. What did you do now?"

"It's not like that. It's just… we're just fighting on the right side of the war, that's all."

"Oh, so you're fighting both sides now? That's comforting, really. And neither of you thought to tell me about it, never the less invite me?"

"Invite you? You're joking, right? There is no way you're joining."

"Really? That's how little you think of me?" the blonde spat out, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Of course I don't. But you've got family on the other side, Aurelia."

"Well I presume that you do, too. Am I right?"

"Not my brother, I don't."

"Augustus made his choice. That shouldn't stop me from making mine."

"I can't put you in that situation. We can't. It would not only endanger you, but everyone else."

"I could spy on them."

"That's far too dangerous, and besides, what do you think they have me for?"

"Merlin, Regulus. You're not even seventeen yet and you mean to tell me you're spying on the most powerful dark wizard of our time?"

"It's a bloody war, Aurelia! Now, I'm sorry to tell you this, but it's not safe for anyone!"

Aurelia knew he was right. That damn boy was always right, whether he was nagging her about Sirius, their families, or in this case, the war. He was too smart, and too proud for his own good. And much like his brother, he would always choose what was right over everything else – something Aurelia was convinced she was much too weak for. Despite the disgust she felt knowing that Augustus and Lucius had pledged their allegiance to the Dark Lord, she couldn't help but to worry about them, too – just as much as she worried about her friends.

"I know that," she finally mumbled, turning her gaze away from the raven-haired boy, and onto the floor.

"I just wish it were," she added, a sad smile gracing her lips as she hesitantly looked up to face him again.

"Me too," the boy responded, with an equally sad smile, as he softly wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head.

\---

It would be another three weeks before Aurelia saw Sirius again. Three lonely, summer weeks at Fawley Manor, which were mainly spent avoiding her brother and attempting not to upset her mother.

The Three Broomsticks was a perfect escape, especially now, seeing that she was seventeen and didn't have to suffer through a Knight Bus ride as soon as she wanted to go somewhere without her parents knowing.

And there he was, leaning against the bar desk, his long curls shielding his face like a curtain. Remus was standing beside him, and they were laughing at something before simultaneously throwing down a shot of firewhiskey. Yes, there he was, having fun, not a bloody care in the world about the friend he had simply ditched upon graduating.

"Sirius Orion Black, you arrogant bloody twat! Did you really think you'd get away with ignoring me?"

Without much thought, which was uncommon for Aurelia, the girl had grabbed him by the collar of his leather jacket with both hands, ripping him away from the bar and his friend. It wasn't long though, until the taller, much stronger one of the pair had taken the upper hand, backing the girl into a corner. His lips were hovering over hers, so close it had her fingers shaking and her stomach twisted.

"Why, Fawley, I haven't been ignoring you. I've merely avoided you," he finally replied with a low voice, the familiar scent of firewhiskey clear in his breath.

It wasn't that she despised having him that close, quite the opposite, if she was being honest. But she did despise how smug he was; smug and bloody perfect. His dark hair forming thick curls around his face, his butterscotch skin smooth as ever, his grey eyes unforgivably piercing, and his teeth just too bloody straight. If only he weren't so damn perfect, then perhaps she'd be able to stay angry with him.

"And how is that any better, if I may ask?"

"You may not," the boy grinned, smugly, as he pushed a loose string of white blonde hair behind her ear.

"Argh, you're impossible, do you know that? I've been alone all summer, surrounded by death eaters, and you're too busy with your secret little clu…"

Perfect, soft lips interrupted her as he finally closed the space between them, kissing her for the second time. And for a moment, just a short moment, the young witch was caught up in the sensation – in the scent of firewhiskey, cologne and dog fur, in his determined hands on her body, in the desperate urge to get closer. But only for a moment. Because he was James' best friend. Hell, he was her best friend. And he was pissed. Just like he had been the last time he kissed her. And that seemed to be the only state in which he wanted anything to do with her nowadays. So, the blonde pushed him away, despite every inch of her body telling her not to, and she crossed her arms firmly across her chest, as though determination and strong will could forbid that single tear from leaving the corner of her eye.

"I will not be one of your bloody slags, Black."

"One of my slags? Really, Fawley? That's how you want to play it?"

"Alright, Pads, that's enough. I'm taking you home before you say something you'll regret," Remus chirped in, reasonable as always, despite his failing sense of balance.

"Stay out of it, Moony! Now, you…" Sirius hissed as he turned back to face the girl, pointing his finger to her chest, a furious storm building up in his eyes.

"Don't you come here and 'all your slags'-me. You've known for a good, bloody year how I feel about you, and it isn't my fault that you're just still hung up on bloo…"

"That's enough, Sirius," Remus warned, grabbing his friend by the arm, attempting to pull him back.

"Hung up on what Sirius, huh? James? The bloke who said he loved me and then shagged Evans in a broom closet? The one you chose to move in with? I mean if you were trying to push me away, you could've just said so!"

"Wait, wait! Le'mme get this right. So, I'm not allowed to live with my brother because he broke up with you, but you're allowed to share soap with a death eater and a murderer?"

"Merlin, Padfoot! I'm sorry, Lia. He's had a lot to drink, that's all," Remus explained, dragging his friend away from the blonde, who looked just about ready to jump him.

"Fuck you, Sirius. I never want to see you again! I'll just stick with the better brother," the girl finally spat out at the raven-haired boy who was being dragged out of the pub by his friend. The drunk, rude, mean, scared, and bloody beautiful boy she wanted nothing more than to hate, but simply couldn't bring herself to. So, as she left the pub minutes later, she couldn't stop the tears from falling as she worried her words would become reality.


	26. Don't stop me now

Hogwarts was different, least to say, without the Marauders running about the corridors causing disarray. It was an offsetting sort of calm, a disturbing kind of silence. Aurelia was certain she would never get used to it, but then again, she’d probably never get used to this new reality of hers either; not being part of their lives anymore - neither of them. It had been months since she saw Sirius at the Three Broomsticks and told him she never wanted to see him again. So far, her stupid demand had been efficient, and she wished she could take those words back every single day. It had been even longer since she last saw James. In fact, she hadn’t seen him since graduation day, and she wasn’t sure how she would react if she did see him. On one hand, she missed him to insanity, but on the other, she wasn’t sure she would be able to stand seeing him knowing that he was nothing more than her friend. Well, in all honesty, he was barely even that anymore. 

She did still talk to Marlene though, she was the only one from the old group of friends who seemed to even remember Aurelia at all at this point. The Gryffindor graduate still came to Hogsmeade from time to time, to catch up with her younger friend and have a butterbeer. It was a kindness the Hufflepuff had neither expected nor dared hope for.

“So, I’m throwing a birthday party over Christmas. I hope you’ll come?”

“That’s sweet of you, Marlene. But I can’t. I mean, I’m sure Lily would be there, and James… and Sirius. It just wouldn’t feel right. I suppose I’ve made too many enemies.”

“Nonsense, you’ve done no such thing! Now, it’s my birthday, you’re my friend, and I want you there. Besides, it’s about time that those boys grew up. And Lily doesn’t mind. In fact, I’m quite sure she mentioned wanting to apologize to you.”

“Oh, but I wouldn’t want to ruin your party, Marley.”

“You absolutely won’t. It’ll be fun. You deserve that. Will you come? For me?”

And at that, Aurelia had fallen victim to Marlene McKinnon’s impeccable persuasion methods. That girl was impossible. Brilliant, yet impossible. 

“Alright. For you. But can I bring a friend?”

“Oh, a friend? Well, that depends. Might it be a boy-friend?”

“Shut it, you. It’s only Regulus.”

“Only Regulus? That’s not quite what I’ve been hearing from Sirius. He’s certain you two are getting… cosy.”

“He said that?! Who else has he been spreading such lies to? I swear that twat is getting on my last nerve!”

“So, you’re not shagging Regulus?” Marlene asked suspiciously, before taking another sip of her butterbeer, bright blue eyes studiously watching her friend from across the table.

“Absolutely not! He’s only a friend. And besides, he’s not into girls. At all.”

“Really? That’s good to know. So why does Sirius think…”

“Because he’s a jealous, inattentive arse who thinks that slander is a brilliant way to approach the people who love you.”

There was no hiding the anger anymore. The seventeen-year-old was raging as she ranted on about Sirius, crossing her arms tightly over her chest in an attempt to avoid the staggering realization that she hadn’t seen Sirius in nearly four months. And it was killing her. 

“Love?” 

The word seemed so taken out of context as Marlene spoke it, that it nearly knocked Aurelia out of her chair. Had she really said that? While there was no doubt in her mind that she did love Sirius, in one way or another, she hadn’t thought herself ready to say that out loud. And yet, there she was, spilling the beans to Marlene over a bloody butterbeer. 

“Well, he’s my best friend, Marley. At least he used to be. But I haven’t heard from him in months now.”

“What happened?”

“I saw him this summer at the Three Broomsticks. He was pissed, no surprise there, and he was being an arse about not writing me all summer. Then he tried to bloody snog me before giving me grief about my family, as though I had a choice in that matter. Why in Merlin’s name would he hate on me because of my family, when his family is just as bad?”

“So… The consensus is that he kissed you again?”

“Well, yes. But he was pissed, as always. He never seems to want anything to do with me when he’s sober. So… I sort of told him that I never wanted to see him again, and that I’d stick with the better brother.”

“You did not! Damn, Aurelia, you spicy little veela. You’ve got some serious sass!” the bright blonde exclaimed in surprise, looking positively proud of her Hufflepuff friend.

“I don’t think you should be praising me for it, Marley. I haven’t seen him since. I got my bloody wish, didn’t I?”

“Well, then it’s terribly convenient that your amazing, kind, breath-taking friend is inviting you both to her birthday party, isn’t it?”

\---

As previously established, Marlene McKinnon was one brilliant negotiator, which was quite the accomplishment given that her opponent was most likely the slyest of all Hufflepuffs. And yet, Aurelia’s negotiating skills stood no chance against Marlene’s, and thus, she found herself apparating to Edinburgh on a cold December night about a month later, for a bloody birthday party she suspected would be a disaster. 

A tall, hooded figure stood waiting in the dark, just outside the hedge which framed the McKinnon family home. Dark locks hung heavily, shielding the stranger’s face, until he looked up, grey eyes locking onto hers. For a second, Aurelia was certain it was Sirius smiling back at her, but was convinced otherwise by expensive dress robes and way too friendly eyes.

“You really should do something about that hair, Regulus. I seriously doubt you intend to look like your slob of a brother.”

“Why thank you, Ms. Fawley, how very kind of you to compliment.”

“No, really, Reg. Preferably before we go in there. The last thing I want is a bunch of snarky comments about settling for the knockoff,” Aurelia sighed, crossing her arms and settling a determined glare at the boy, who had grown out his hair by at least three inches since she last saw him. As a result, he looked impeccably like his brother. Well, except for that friendly look in his eyes, which Sirius surely wouldn’t share upon meeting her. 

“There was a lot of faults in that sentence,” the boy muttered, and picked his wand out of his pocket, waving it at his hair, which instantly retracted back to its ordinary length.

“Firstly, there’s nothing ‘knockoff-y’ about me. And secondly, I’m quite sure we have not settled,” Regulus concluded with a slight grin, as he put his arm over Aurelia’s shoulder and pulled her in for a hug.

“It’s going to be fine, Aurelia. These are your friends, remember?” he reassured, leading her towards the house with his left arm still around her shoulder.

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that. Half of them have every reason to hate me, and I’m sure they do. As if that weren’t enough, your dear brother has apparently been telling everyone that you and I are ‘getting cosy’.”

At that notion, Regulus laughed. It was a rare occurrence, but a quite wonderful one. The boy, who had much too much weight on his shoulders, rarely let himself truly feel, but when he did, it was as though you couldn’t help but to feel everything with him. And so, Aurelia laughed too, at the absurdity of the idea. At Sirius’ complete and utter oblivion, and at the simple fact that Regulus was laughing wholeheartedly. 

“Well, I’m happy to play along,” he finally grinned.

“That is, if you’re still willing to be my wife?” he added, earning a punch on his upper arm from the blonde, who did not take kindly to being reminded of a particular marriage deadline happening on her 21st birthday, which was only growing closer. 

\---

Lily came up to her first, wrapping her soft arms around the shorter girl, warmth radiating off her as it always did James.

“Lia! It’s so good to see you… again,” the redhead smiled, moving back to the sofa, and making room for her boyfriend to take her place.

“Hey.” 

His arms around her were just like they always had been; home, safety and comfort, and Aurelia had to supress just about every emotion rushing to her as she breathed in his scent. She had to push her need for him away, as she had pushed away the staggering pain of losing their child just a year ago.

Sirius was next, whispering a weak “I’m sorry,” into her ear as he half embraced her in the hallway, letting go all too soon.

“You’re sorry? That’s it?”

“Yes, well, it’s been five months and I can’t bear being angry with you for another second. I hope you two are happy together, honestly. Can we just please go back to being friends?”

“Sirius… Clearly this is quite difficult for you to grasp, but I’m gay. You know: homo, queer, totally-into-blokes,” Regulus interrupted, not quite able to supress his amusement at being able to shock his elder brother for once. 

“You’re what?! You mean to tell me that for months, scratch that; a year – you’ve let me believe that there was something going on between you two? And all along, you’ve been gay?”

“Well… that’s kind of how it works.”

“Why the hell didn’t you tell me?”

“I’m not obliged to tell you anything, Sirius. You’re the one who got this stupid idea to begin with. I’ve been telling you all along that we’re just friends. Besides, it’s not like you’ve ever told me about your sexual orientation either…”

“I have, too! I’ve told you about the girls I’ve fancied since I was four!” the elder brother defended, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“Well, you didn’t tell me whether you liked girls exclusively,” Regulus shot back, looking extremely pleased with himself.

“Oh, come on Regulus. You knew!”

“You mean like you knew?”

The Black-brothers were bickering for quite a while, although even bickering was a good thing when it came to those two. Either way, it was a major step up from pretending the other didn’t exist – which was a game they had played for many years before. 

\---

Anyone who knew Marlene remotely, could tell you that her birthday party would be wild – and they would be correct. At the beginning, they were a quite small group of people; the Gryffindors, Aurelia, Regulus, and a few of Marlene’s cousins. But as the evening passed (and bottles of firewhiskey were passed along), people seemed to be spilling in through the front door like Cornish pixies; people Aurelia had never seen before, and people possibly even Marlene had never seen before.

In a way, it was comforting. The more people attending, the less attention she had to pay to James and Lily, who were all snuggled up in the sofa talking about Merlin knows what. And despite the fact that they weren’t talking to her, they were still there, in the same room, just rubbing it in her face. And so, Aurelia hid. She hid behind a large glass of butterbeer, she hid behind shots of firewhiskey, she hid behind Marlene, and she hid behind Regulus. But eventually, when she was wise enough not to get another drink, when Marlene was snogging a Ravenclaw in the kitchen, and when Regulus was nowhere to be found – Aurelia couldn’t keep hiding in the living room any more. She needed to get away from the bloody sight of the terribly sappy pair on the sofa.

The library was absolutely beautiful, and a brilliant distraction. Aurelia had always been quite fond of books, and the McKinnons seemed to have all kinds. There were history books, novels, dictionaries, muggle literature, and in the centre of everything – a record player. The young witch made her way through the silent room, settling by the stack of records next to it, browsing through them filled with wonder at the fact that music could come out of such a plain piece of plastic. 

“Sorry I was looking for Rem…” 

Startled, she turned around at the voice coming from the doorway, only letting out the breath she’d been holding at the sight of a reassuringly familiar dark figure at the other end of the room.

“Hi,” he smiled softly, running a hand through his dark curls as he stood his ground.

“Hi,” she replied, unavoidably returning his smile – which was contagious as ever, despite the growing silence between them.

“That’s a good one,” he noted, nodding towards the black and white whirlwind of a record in her hands, that spelled out ‘JAZZ’ in bright pink letters.

“Really? You’re not just saying that to impress me, are you?”

“I would never,” Sirius defended, although the smug grin spreading across his face said otherwise.

“Side two, track six. Turn it on,” he added, slowly beginning to make his way across the room.

“Oh, I wouldn’t know how,” the girl sighed, holding out the record for him to take.

“I suspected as much. Did you learn nothing last new year’s?” the young wizard asked, as he took the record out of its sleeve and carefully placed it down on the record player.

“I missed you,” she mumbled into the silence, and it felt as though she was only admitting that to herself now, too. She had missed him terribly, despite whatever words they had said to each other. It seemed like the two of them could never quite keep the calm. There was always something in the way, ripping out the ugly words and spitefulness. But the calm moments, like these, they were worth hundreds of rows.

“I missed you too, Fawley – even though you’re a right git. Now, listen to this, will you?” he grinned, placing the needle down on the record to release a soft sound of piano and song, which instantly filled the room. Moments later, the song sped up and Sirius started dancing around, leather jacket flying across the room to the tunes of ‘Don’t stop me now’. 

Before she knew it, he had grabbed her hands and pulled her with him, spinning her around in a previously silent library, which was now filled with music and laughter. As the music slowed back down, so did they, laughter dying out as they sat down on the floor, backs against the bookshelf – five months of silence making itself apparent again. 

“I’m sorry, too, Sirius. I shouldn’t have said those things, I didn’t mean any of it. I was just… upset, you know?”

“Don’t, Fawley. You don’t have to apologize. I was a twat, and I was completely legless. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have treated you like that. I shouldn’t have kissed you… like that,” he mumbled, grey eyes shifting from the floor to hers as he pushed a string of white blonde hair away from her face. 

This time, as his lips finally reached hers where they sat on that library floor, it was different; different from both previous times. This time, she had seen it coming. She had anticipated it – waited, even. This time, it wasn’t hurried, rough or desperate. It was soft, slow and… blissful. Rather than furious and fiery, it was light and loving. And Aurelia didn’t ever want it to stop.


	27. Calm

”Oh, for Salazar’s sake, Aurelia! I knew you had poor taste, but this is just plain pathetic.”

The disgusted tone rung through the McKinnon family library like metal smashing against a stone floor, causing the enamored seventeen-year-old to hastily pull away from the captivating boy next to her. The blonde turned her gaze up towards the tall figure in the doorway, at this point convinced that the firewhiskey was causing her to hallucinate.

“You sneak off to a cheap bloody party to snog the worst blood-traitor in Britain? Mother is going to be so proud.”

“What are you doing here, Augustus?” the girl asked coldly, as she stood up, straightened her clothes, and crossed her arms over her chest – her grey eyes not leaving her brother once in the process.

“I’m taking you home before you humiliate us even further. Now, get away from that poor excuse of a wizard.”

“Sirius is my friend!”

“Even worse. Now get your arse over here or so Merlin help me I will-“

“Expelliarmus!”

Augustus had barely gotten his wand out of his pocket before Sirius had flung himself to his feet and disarmed his opponent, who looked positively shocked at the fact that a blood traitor had the guts (or the skill) to do so. 

“I’d say that’s your cue to leave,” Sirius hissed, stepping up in front of Aurelia, wand at the ready.

“Well, lucky for you, blood-traitor scum, nobody asked your opinion.”

“That’s enough!” the small seventeen-year-old roared, as she pushed past Sirius and pressed her wand into her older brother’s chest – nothing but fury in her eyes.

“You get out of this house, and this bloody country, in this instant – otherwise I’m sure the Ministry would love to hear what you’ve been up to lately,” Aurelia threatened, pressing her wand harder into his chest.

“You wouldn’t…”

“Try me.”

“I’m not done with you,” the twenty-two-year old muttered, narrowing his eyes at the two teenagers before picking up his wand from the floor and disappearing with a whoosh. 

“Wow,” Sirius breathed, pushing his dark curls away from his face.

“That was intense,” he added, glancing at the spot where Augustus had just stood.

“Let’s just get out of here before he brings backup.”

“Backup?”

“Lucius bloody Malfoy. I can’t argue with the two of them.”

“Sure… We can go to my place.”

“No, just… never mind. I’ll just go home. How bad could it be?”

“Prongs won’t be there…”

“No? Are you sure it’s okay?”

“It’s not okay, Fawley, it’s brilliant. Come on!”

…

The young witch woke up with a pounding headache the next morning, to the warm form of Sirius – who she was sure had been Padfoot when she fell asleep. He was like a whirlwind of soft arms and legs wrapped around her, not too unlike Padfoot – who she remembered used to take up darn near all the space in the Gryffindor dorm bed.

“Morning,” Sirius grinned, stretching his arms over his head before wrapping them back around her, pulling her in towards his chest – which held at least two new tattoos since she last saw him (well, his chest).

“Morning,” she replied softly, running her fingertips over his shoulder, thinking that she wouldn’t mind waking up to him every day. If only she could.

As his lips connected with hers, she gave in for a second, before hearing the fireplace roar from the other room.

“Padfoot? Bro, are you here?”

The words echoed through the apartment, and Aurelia would recognize that voice anywhere. She had been plain stupid coming there, thinking that James wouldn’t show up. He bloody well lived there!

“Sirius, we… I can’t do this,” she mumbled incoherently, grabbing her wand off the nightstand as she got up from the bed and disapparated instantly, leaving nothing but her cloak and shoes behind. 

\---

“What’s Remus’ deal?” Regulus asked a few days later, as the two friends spent their first night back at Hogwarts in the Room of Requirement, chatting into the early hours as per usual.

“What do you mean, his deal?” Aurelia asked, fully aware of what Regulus was referring to. And while she hated lying to her best friend, she couldn’t very well reveal a secret like that. It wasn’t hers to reveal. 

“You know… The scars, the attitude…”

“What attitude?”

“Oh, you know, the whole ‘pushing someone away, even though you probably really like them, but it’s for their own good’-kind of attitude…”

“Merlin’s pants, Regulus! Please don’t tell me you shagged Remus?!”

“Not… exactly,” the young wizard grimaced.

“What do you mean not exactly?”

“I mean… do you want the details?” he asked hesitatingly, rubbing his neck.

“No! No, fine. Sirius is going to kill you, though. He can be really overprotective, you know.”

“Well, I know, Aurelia. He’s my older brother. Trust me, I know.”

“So… Remus really likes you?” she asked, breaking into a smile as she teasingly poked her friend’s arm.

“Those are only suspicions on my behalf.”

“And what about you? Do you really like him?”

“I think I do. But he’s been pushing me away ever since that party and I don’t know what he’s thinking.”

“So that’s where you went! Do you realize my brother came rushing through the door threatening both me and Sirius that night?”

“You… and Sirius, huh? What were you two doing? Come to think of it, I did hear rumours that he brought a girl home with him that night. Well, not as much rumours as it was bragging…”

“He did what?! I swear to Salazar I’m going to avada him!”

“So… I suppose that makes it true then? I mean I can’t say I’m happy about it, but it was sort of inevitable.”

“Shut it, Black. We were sleeping, nothing else. Besides, I’ve made it clear to him that all that’s over now.”

“All what? All the sleeping?”

“If you must know, Regulus: we snogged. That’s it. It wasn’t the first time, but it was bloody well the last!”

“Why? I mean, sorry, Aurelia, but it’s kind of obvious that you like him – for whatever idiotic reason. And he clearly fancies you. Don’t you think you deserve just a wee bit of happiness?”

“He lives with James, for Merlin’s sake! They’re best friends, and they do everything together!”

“So?”

“I love him,” she explained, eyes wide open as she shook her head rapidly. She knew she shouldn’t, and she felt insane for doing so, but she did still love him; so much that it hurt her physically.

“I love James,” she continued, eyes settling on the wall behind her friend as she tried to accept what she had just said. 

“And Sirius?”

“Him, too,” she admitted, turning her grey gaze towards the floor as she couldn’t bare meeting his eyes. She felt guilty about it, guilty and ashamed. You weren’t supposed to love two people at once. It wasn’t right, and she was probably more fucked up than even Regulus could’ve ever anticipated.

“So, just tell him that! You can’t keep pushing him away like this.”

“Yes, I can! Do you know what he told me when he’d broken up with Marlene? That it wouldn’t have been fair to her not to, because he was in love with someone else!”

“You do know that he was referring to you, don’t you?” the Slytherin asked, eyeing his friend carefully as she let out a sigh.

“You don’t know that. It was years ago. Besides, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that it wouldn’t be fair to him.”

“I don’t think this is fair to either of you…” Regulus mumbled, leaning back in the sofa and crossing his arms over his chest.

“Well, frankly, it’s none of your business. I’m trying to do the right thing, and I don’t want you to give me grief about it.”

“Fine.”

“Fine.”

“So, will you at least tell me what’s up with Lupin?” he tried, raising his eyebrows in anticipation.

“I think you should ask him that yourself, Reggie.”

“Fine,” the boy repeated, rolling his eyes at the girl – who, from time to time, was too much of a Hufflepuff for his liking. 

\---

It would be another few months before she saw Sirius again, on a Hogsmeade weekend. He had come alone, apologetic, although he was the one much more deserving of an apology after Aurelia had just rushed out of his apartment months ago.

“Look, Fawley. I know I came on too strong, and I… it won’t happen again, alright? Can’t we just try the friends-thing again?” Sirius looked tired, as he spoke. Almost as though he, just as well as she, knew that there were too many obstacles there. The whole ‘being friends’ had never worked before, not for long, and there was nothing to say that it would this time. And arguing with him was far too draining – she simply couldn’t take it; spending months apart without speaking, and then making up, only for a day or so. It meant that ninety percent of the time, she was in misery, and he probably was, too.

“Oh, Sirius. You are my friend, you always will be. And if you ever need me, I’m here. I just don’t know if it’s the right time, you know?”

“But I do need you, Fawley. That’s why I’m here. With the war and… Prongs moving out, I could use a friend. And I know you graduate soon, so I figured you might need one, too, going back home and everything.”

“Wait, James moved out? Are you… you’re not arguing, are you?” Aurelia asked, scratching the back of her head as she looked at her friend with concern.

“No, it’s not like that. He… he’s getting his own apartment. With Evans.” Sirius sounded hesitant, like he was completely aware of the pain those words inflicted. The fact that these things still stung probably hurt him, too – she could see it in his eyes.

“Oh,” she mumbled, her gaze settling on the foam in her butterbeer on the table in front of her. It shouldn’t surprise her anymore – James and Lily. James had been in love with her forever. Long before they had gotten together. And yet, somewhere deep down, there was a part of her that still hoped to win him back. It was an awful thing, she knew that. He was happy, Lily was happy – and they deserved that. But Aurelia wasn’t happy, not without him.

“I’m sorry,” Sirius added with a low voice, reaching out to take her hand in his.

“Don’t be sorry, Sirius. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Well, I told you, didn’t I?” he muttered, taking a sip of his butterbeer.

“I’m glad you did. I feel like I haven’t got the slightest what’s been going on lately. I barely see any of you anymore, and it’s not like Regulus tells me anything.”

“Sounds like you need me too, huh Fawley?” Sirius teased, as he crossed his arms over his chest.

“Fine! Let’s try the friends-thing again. Who am I to deny a friend in need?” Aurelia grinned, unable to tear her eyes away from that gloating smile of his. 

They kept in touch after that, as friends. There were no drunken snogs or cosy sleepovers - not even with Padfoot. But they met up in Hogsmeade, catching up, taking a break from all the dramatics brought on by the war.

And after she graduated, his apartment was a safe-house, a place to run to when her mother lost her temper or when Augustus dropped by. In a way, Sirius had always been a safe-house to her, ever since she first befriended him and James. He had been there for everything since then, and continued to be; without ever asking anything in return - other than her friendship.


	28. Invitations

”Marriage?!” Aurelia exclaimed in defeat, as she rushed out of the floo in Sirius Black’s apartment on boxing day 1979. She had received a simple, yet beautifully enveloped wedding invitation that very afternoon, and could not bear to stay in her parents’ suffocating house one minute longer. 

“It’s barely been a year since you graduated and now they’re getting bloody married?! Hell, my mother has been trying to marry me off since I was fourteen, and I’m not even betrothed!” 

“I think that’s my cue.” Remus Lupin got up from his chair and made his way to leave the kitchen, where Aurelia had just found the two young, yet rugged-looking wizards drinking fire whiskey.

“And how does this not concern you, Remus? I’m sure you’d do a better job explaining this to me than his loyal dog would.” 

“Me?! His loyal dog? Then please, Fawley, do tell what you are. It’s been over two years and you still refuse to move on from him! Bloody Hufflepuffs!

“I really should get go…” Remus was cut off, and forced to sit back down in his chair, playing the role of the silent observer in the heated argument between the two rather failed pure bloods.

“It’s barely been two years, and I love him for Merlin’s sake!” 

“Well, so do I. Sit the fuck down, Fawley. As much as I do enjoy a feisty woman, this isn’t a good look for you.”

The eighteen-year-old sat down with a thump on the chair at the far end of the dining table, arms crossed over her chest, grey eyes glaring at the dark-haired boy at the other end of the table. 

“So? Explain.” 

“There’s… They’re… damn it.”

Sirius Black was rarely at a lack of words, but now he was mumbling, glancing all around the room trying to avoid her glare. He didn’t know what to say, and it scared her. 

“She’s pregnant,” Remus finally said, matter-of-factly. His statement was followed by an inevitable, and ironically, pregnant silence. James was getting married. He was starting a family; one that didn’t include her. Lia leaned back in her chair, relaxing for the first time since she had gotten there. There was nothing she could do about this. No matter how devastating it was, it was out of her hands. She had lost him; truly this time. 

“Alright,” she mumbled, looking up to meet the terrified grey eyes of Sirius Black, that were glued to her as though anticipating her reaction. 

“Alright?” he asked hesitantly, in disbelief, glancing over at his friend for a second before turning his gaze back to the girl, a confused expression on his face. 

“Tell him I’ll be there.”

“He invited you?”

“For Merlin’s sake, Sirius, do you really think so little of me? Yes, he invited me. And if he’s happy, then I suppose I’m happy for him,” Aurelia lied. She wasn’t happy, not for a second. She was ruined, but she’d be damned to let him in on that little secret. 

“Just don’t tell anyone,” Remus muttered under his breath.

“Really, Moony? You don’t trust me to keep this one secret when I haven’t told a single soul about your secret over the past two years?”

“You’re right. I’m sorry, Lia. I really should get going now, though.” 

The tall blonde wrapped one of his arms around the girl and kissed the top of her head before heading towards the floo, nobody trying to stop him this time. 

“Let me know if you need anything, alright? And you take care, Pads.”

With the sound of a raging fire, Remus Lupin had left the apartment, leaving behind an awkward silence between the pair that remained. They were more similar than they cared to admit, Sirius and Aurelia. Both raised in strict, conservative, and abusive pure blood families. Both with a death eater for a brother, and both with strong belief that such ideals were wrong. 

“I should probably leave, too,” she mumbled, getting up from her chair, constantly avoiding his gaze.

“Stay.” 

His voice was low and husky, and while it wasn’t hesitant, she could swear there was a hint of uncertainty to it. Yet, he too got up from his chair, and he walked over to her, forcing her to meet his eyes. 

“I can’t,” she whispered, on the verge of breaking down right in front of him. And she couldn’t do that. 

“You’re hurting, Fawley. You can’t go back to that place like this, to those people. Stay.”

He knew her all too well, and as her eyes were starting to tear up, a slight nod was all she could muster before he had his arms wrapped securely around her.

“I know how you must feel,” he mumbled into her neck, and all of the sudden, it was there. That need to scream rather than to cry, the urge to let him know just how wrong he was. After all, Sirius was just another one of all those people who seemed to think that James had always been meant to be with Evans; that Aurelia had just been another step along the road, inevitable collateral. 

“You have no idea how I feel!” she raged, something hurdling in her chest. Something that felt like nausea and butterflies, like she wanted to scream her lungs out, break down, or just faint; perhaps all three at once. 

“He’s starting a family without me, Sirius! He’s having a child. A baby,” her voice faltered at that last word and she sunk together into a small pile on Sirius Black’s kitchen floor, him following suit. A hand rested on her back, softly, as though he was afraid he might break her. As though he couldn’t see that she was already fucking broken. 

“Talk to me, Fawley. Please. I can’t help you unless… unless you talk to me.” 

“He didn’t want me,” she mumbled, her voice nearly inaudible. 

“He chose her, he didn’t want me. Then why in the name of Helga would he want my baby?”

“What are you on about, Fawley?”

“Please, Sirius. Tell me I made the right decision, because I’m not sure I can… I just can’t,” she pleaded, teary eyes looking up to meet his stormy, confused gaze. 

“What decision, Fawley? I don’t…”

“I took the bloody potion, Sirius! My baby… our baby! I… I killed it!”

“You… You were… he knocked you up? When? When did this happen?”

“Two years ago. On Christmas. I took the bloody potion two years ago, on the day.”

Sirius was at a loss for words, simply sitting there on the kitchen floor, holding her together when she was just about to fall apart after everything that had happened over the last two years.

\---

Aurelia had no idea how long they were sitting like that before the floo started roaring. She had lost all sense of time. 

“Get out!” she heard Sirius hiss, which wasn’t a sound which usually made its way past his lips. He would sound soft, sarcastic, and sometimes he would even growl in anger. But he was hissing, she was sure of it, and it reminded her of one of his insane cousins, rather than Sirius Black. Aurelia couldn’t help but to undo herself from the sunken pile she made up on the floor, and slowly sit up at the unusual sound, to see who could possibly have come through the floo to aggravate him so. 

She hadn’t seen James in months, barely at all since he graduated from Hogwarts, and it was completely surreal - yet there he stood. His arms were raised as though to proclaim his innocence, as he looked at his furious best mate, before those deep hazel eyes turned to her, the silvery blonde mess on the floor. As he lowered his arms with a confused and painful look in his eyes, that feeling in her chest intensified and it felt as though she might explode as she sunk back down to her half lying position, facing the floor. 

“I. Said. Get out,” Sirius threatened, his hand pointing towards the fire place in the other room, but his best friend failed to listen, taking a few hesitant steps towards the pair on the floor. 

“What… what happened?” he asked, speaking up for the first time since he’d arrived, voice soft and hushed, careful and gentle. 

“What do you think happened?” Sirius snarled at his friend, and Aurelia could just about hear the deadly glare he was flashing. 

“The invitation?” James guessed, the floor creaking along with his steps.

“You sent her the bloody invitation, today of all days, and then you have the audacity to show up here asking what happened?”

“On Boxing Day?” James asked, still hesitant, slowly moving closer to the pair before sitting down behind her, and she could feel the floor shift at his weight, but she dared not more. 

“You… you don’t know,” Sirius stated, some level of understanding in his voice, some of the anger having disappeared at the realization. Yet, he still slapped James’ hand away as it reached out to touch her back.

“I’m warning you, James. She does not need you here right now.”

“It’s alright, Sirius,” she managed with a whisper, her voice much weaker than usual, as she had given in. He was sitting right behind her, and while perhaps it would only make her hurt even more, she needed him to stay. She needed his comfort, his warmth, his fucking radiating optimism. 

“Lia? Lia, love, I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry,” he murmured, wrapping his arms around her as he pulled her off the floor and onto his chest. Hearing those words from his mouth were like daggers stabbing into her already exploded chest, and yet like being wrapped in a soft silk sheet at the same time. Sirius grunted as he got up on his feet, making to leave the kitchen with an irritable look on his face.

“Oh, and she knows about the bloody child, by the way,” he muttered just before leaving the room, his bedroom door slamming shut behind him a few seconds later.

There was a stillness after he left the room. Despite the pain it still caused her, there was relief in feeling how his chest shifted against her with his every breath. There was safety in his scent. There was home in the words he whispered into her hair. And so, her breathing eased down, and the tears stopped pouring desperately down her cheeks. And she just lay there, resting against his soft jumper dampened by tears.

“What did he mean? What don’t I know?”

“Nothing,” she managed, burying her face in his chest, repeatedly trying to convince herself that she could stay there forever. That he wasn’t marrying Lily, that he wasn’t starting a family with her. That she hadn’t taken that bloody potion two years ago. That she wasn’t actually on Sirius Black’s kitchen floor, crying her heart out.

“Talk to me, Lia.”

“Is it because of the baby? Is that why you’re marrying her?” Aurelia mumbled, nearly inaudible, as she calmed her breathing with his scent and steady heartbeats. 

“No, I mean… No. Why are you even asking that?” James inquired, pulling himself away from her to look her in the eyes. He looked confounded, his eyebrows furrowed and mind working at high speed – she remembered that face from when he used to struggle with his arithmancy homework. 

“What about me?” the blonde asked weakly, avoiding his inquisitive and painfully warm eyes, focusing instead on a dent in the dinner table-leg. 

“What if… I had been pregnant? Would you have stayed? Would…” the girl grew silent mid-sentence, realizing that saying that word out loud only made it more real. And she didn’t want to talk about it, she didn’t want to think about it. If she could, she would forget all about it.

“But… You’re not, Lia. I don’t see how this is… You do know how sorry I am, don’t you? I never meant for you to get hurt. I was stupid, and young, and I know that’s no excuse, but… that was a long time ago. I want you to be happy. You know that, right? And if Padfoot-“

“Damn it, James! There is nothing going on between me and Sirius!” Aurelia roared, pulling away from his touch, which was far too dangerous, and settling in the corner of the room in front of some kitchen cabinets.

“You should get back to your fiancée, I’m sure she’s wondering where you are,” she continued, crossing her arms over her chest in an attempt to hide all the pain with irritation instead. The eighteen-year-old turned her gaze back at the dent in the table-leg, determined not to look at the confused, beautiful mess she had made him, waiting for him to leave. And eventually, the floor shifted as he got to his feet – and the fireplace roared with his words; “Godric’s Hollow”.


	29. 1979

Aurelia had stayed in Sirius’ apartment. It seemed like she had almost reached the point where she didn’t care what her parents thought anymore. Naturally they were expecting her back home, but she was of age now - and there was nothing keeping her there. Nothing real at least. But there was something pulling her back - the damn party Sirius was throwing for New Years Eve. Because Aurelia wasn’t ready to face James again, not after boxing day. Barely at all, despite however much she missed his brightness in her life.

“I can cancel,” Sirius offered as he handed her a cup of tea and sat down next to her in the sofa.

“It’s your party.”

“So?”

“I don’t want you to cancel on my behalf. I don’t even live here, it’s… I’ll just go back.”

“See, that’s the part that I have an issue with, Fawley. I can’t have you spend New Years' without Pink Floyd.”

A small smile made its way onto the girls lips as she remembered that night, two years ago. It was strange, how that December had the darkest time of her life and yet, remembering that New Year’s Eve there was only light. There was music playing and fireworks lighting up the sky, and Sirius - a smiling Sirius.

“He wants to see you.” His low voice broke the silence, broke the memory. Aurelia knew exactly who he meant, and what had brought this on.

“You told him?!”

“No, I didn’t… I would never tell him that, it’s… I think he knows, though. He’s not daft, Fawley. I told him to ask you himself, and I suppose that’s what he wants to do now.”

“You don’t have to see him, you know. You don’t have to explain anything to him. I can tell him not to come over,” he added hastily.

“He’s coming over?”

“No, I mean... yes. In an hour or so, he said he’d help me with the fireworks too. But I can cancel, Fawley. It’s no big deal.”

“It’s fine, really. I should’ve dealt with this years ago,” the blonde mumbled absentmindedly. It was about time, but that didn’t make it any easier. What was she supposed to say? How could she possibly tell him what she had done, when she could barely bring herself to remember it? When dreams of a blonde little girl with warm hazel eyes still haunted her every night? She couldn’t bear the thought of looking into those same eyes and say it out loud; that she had taken that away from him. That she had killed that sweet girl before she even could feel the sun on her face, before she had the chance to meet the bright optimist that was her dad. Before she could chase three unusually friendly animals around in the garden. Before she got to lie in her mother’s arms. Before Aurelia got to hold her in her arms.

“I’m sorry, this was a bad idea. I’ll just floo him and tell him not to come.” 

A soft, yet determined voice brought her back to the real world, and as she looked up at the concerned boy next to her, she noticed the tears blurring her sight. Reaching out after him as he stood up, Aurelia grabbed his wrist to stop him from walking away.

“Don’t.”

Following suit, the eighteen-year-old stood up, slowly wrapping her arms around his back and leaning her head against his chest. It took a moment before steady arms pulled her in closer, and that familiar scent of cigarettes and expensive cologne reached her senses. And it wasn’t all bad anymore. There was warmth, and bright orange light at dusk hitting soft butterscotch skin. There were rhythmic, comforting heartbeats right underneath that chest, rising and sinking with heavy breaths. There was music, a soft baseline sounding from the record player in the other room. And underneath those tears stubbornly making their way down her pale face, there was a smile on her lips.

“Thank you,” the girl mumbled though her smile, only bringing herself to let go of him with one arm to wipe the tears from her eyes.

“For what?”

“For always being here for me, no matter what. I don’t deserve it, I don’t des-”

“You deserve it more than anyone, Fawley,” he smiled, piercing grey eyes meeting hers as he reached up to push a string of silver hair out of her face. They were frozen like that for a while, grey eyes locked on grey, his hand in her hair. But as those captivating eyes began to approximate, Aurelia could feel her heart skip a beat, and quickly retreated her gaze to the floor.

“I’ll see him,” she swallowed, gathering herself and straightening her back in true pureblood fashion.

“And then you’re having your party. You shouldn’t worry too much about me, Siri. I’ll be alright.”

\---

A few hours later a painful silence filled that same living room. They had been sitting like that for a while without speaking, James in the armchair and Aurelia in the sofa, stubbornly avoiding eye contact.

“I’ve been a daft twat, haven’t I?” a hoarse voice asked, although the tone implied that it was more of a statement than a question.

“No, you.. it’s not your fault,” the girl mumbled in response, through that thick lump in her throat.

“What happened?”

He sounded hesitant, as though he didn’t want to hear it - as though he was scared of her answer. Aurelia couldn’t blame him for that, because she was just as scared of telling him.

“I took…” she tried, but the lump grew too thick and she had to clear her throat, before glueing her eyes to the floor.

“Terminus potion,” she finished, biting down hard on her bottom lip.

“When?” the young man swallowed, him too turning his gaze towards the floor.

“Christmas. Two years ago.”

“Boxing day…” he mumbled under his breath.

Aurelia did her best to remain calm and collected, as she had been raised to be. But despite however hard she closed her eyes, there was an image burned into her mind. The image of a bright, vivid little girl with wild silvery hair, kind hazel eyes, and a missing front tooth in that unapologetic, mischievous grin of hers. And so she couldn’t stay collected, she couldn’t keep the tears in, and she couldn’t keep her mouth shut.

“I’m so sorry, James,” she finally cried, losing her breath in the process, losing her grip.

“I’m so sorry. She was… ours, and perfect and I…” The young woman struggled with the words, and it seemed that both her breathing and her trembling lips were failing her.

“I killed her, James,” she finally confessed, finally looking up at him with guilty grey eyes and a broken expression written all over her face.

“No, Lia - you didn’t do anything wrong,” James promised, but the heartbroken expression on his face said otherwise.

“I just… I wish I could’ve been there for you,” he added, looking up at her in concern.

“No, James… I should’ve told you. I shouldn’t have taken it, I-”

“I don’t blame you. There really is no excuse for what I did… to you. I’m so sorry, I was stupid, drunk and insensitive. This is all my fault. I’m so sorry, Lia.”

There were tears in his eyes too, now. And Aurelia hated it. However much pain he had caused her, she couldn’t bear to see him hurt. Him, the boy who had always done everything in his power to put smiles on other people’s faces.

“It’s not… I’m no better. I kissed Sirius, that same night. At the party. I think I told myself that it was all him, but it wasn’t. And I blamed you, for everything. I’m terrible,” she mumbled under her breath, shaking her head in disbelief as she was telling him things she barely had figured out for herself yet.

“He loves you, you know.”

“Don’t.”

“I just… I want you to be happy, too.”

“That’s not your job, James.” 

Perhaps it had been his job, sometime, but it definitely wasn’t now. And Aurelia was fed up with people trying to tell her what she should do, or what would make her happy. It wasn’t within reach now anyway, and while Sirius definitely could put a smile on her face from time to time, she was too scared of hurting him. He deserved so much better than her; someone who could make up their mind, who could return that absolute certainty. Someone who wasn’t hung up on a family she would never have. 

“Are you going to tell her?” the girl asked, after a long moment’s silence.

“Who, Lily? No. Not if you don’t want me to.”

\---

And so, Aurelia stayed for the party. Not only because she couldn’t bring herself to go back to the Fawley residence, but because she didn’t want to leave. The last few days had been surprisingly good, and she couldn’t remember the last time she had had several good days in a row. Perhaps the party would ruin her streak, but going back to her parents was definitely a more certain card. 

Turns out, Sirius had invited a lot of people. The entire Gryffindor group was there, and a whole bunch of people Aurelia didn’t know. She suspected some of them were from this secret order they were in, but there was no telling for sure.

Being angry at Lily Evans had never been an easy task. The Hufflepuff tried, she had tried jealousy, resentment, or simply irritation - but as soon as she met the redhead in person, it was impossible to keep up. She was just too goddamn nice. Which was why Aurelia had come up with a new approach; avoidance. Avoidance that led her to drink alone in an otherwise empty kitchen. Sirius was off somewhere challenging other idiots (read: James and Marlene) to a good old fashioned game of ‘stand on your broom while taking as many shots as you can without falling off’, and Regulus hadn’t showed up yet. In all honesty, she wasn’t entirely sure he would. The younger Black-brother had been quite absent as of late, and Sirius seemed to know things he wasn’t telling her about. It was disconcerting to say the least.

The blonde took another sip from her wine and threw a glance out the window, where the three idiots were still balancing on their brooms - Peter and Dorcas cheering them on. She nearly spat out her wine as a heavy hand placed itself on her shoulder from behind. Turning around she faced tired grey eyes and a soft familiar smile.

“Regulus, thank Merlin!”

Instantly, the two teens were wrapped in each others arms, and Aurelia realized just how concerned she had been for her best friend.

“Where the hell have you been? I’ve been so worried!” she exclaimed, slapping him across the arm, earning a soft chuckle from the boy.

“You know what, Fawley. I could ask you the same thing. Sources tell me congratulations are in order,” Regulus grinned, grabbing the wine glass out of her hand and chugging the last of it before she could object.

“For what?” the girl asked in disbelief, crossing her arms over her chest and raising an eyebrow at her supposed best friend.

“Apparently you and Sirius moved in together… a big step indeed, but I always knew things would work out between you two.”

“Oh, would you shut up? It’s been five days and I do not live here!”

“It’s been five days, has it?” he teased, grabbing a wine bottle from the countertop and refilling the glass he so thoughtlessly had taken from her.

“Remus is here,” Aurelia stated matter-of-factly, in a quite desperate attempt to both tease back, and change the subject. 

“Why do you think I’m drinking?” he snorted in response, chugging his second glass of wine.

“Alright, slow down, and give me that back!” the girl snapped, and snatched her wine glass back before pouring up the remainder of what was in the bottle.

“Now,” she begun, only putting the glass down to push herself up to sit on the countertop, looking at him with an inquisitive expression as she picked up the glass again.

“Whatever did happen between you two?”

“We hooked up, at McKinnon’s party…”

“And…?”

“And this summer,” he admitted, with a pained expression across his face.

“And?”

“Well, he’s avoiding me! He hasn’t written me back once, and-”

“Aww, you sent him letters?”

“Shut up.” 

And just like that, the blonde lost her wine glass to a Slytherin for the second time that evening. 

“Have you seen them at all?” she asked, seriousness hanging in the thick air like a dark cloud on a sunny day.

Regulus stopped drinking at that, handing back the glass to her and nodding slowly. It was as though she could see him build up that wall again. The one she had once thought was all there was to him. The one he hid behind.

“Just tell me the truth, Reg.”

“They’re fine, I guess. Augustus is… he’s losing it, Fawley. I’m starting to think he… enjoys it.”

“Enjoys what?”

“The killing,” he responded, emotionless - cold as that new year’s night, and it sent shivers down her spine. The terrifying reality that was all their lives, except hers, struck her just then. There was a full fledged war going on out there, and while she was aware of it, she wasn’t affected by it. She hadn’t seen it with her own eyes. Yet there was her best friend, talking about killing as though it were a routine - telling her that her brother was losing his mind. And she wasn’t doing anything about it. She hadn’t seen Augustus in months, and before this, she hadn’t seen Regulus in months either.

She hadn’t done anything during these months after her graduation. Nothing useful, at least. Staying locked up in your parents house, going to fancy dinner parties and meeting up with repulsive men of your mother’s choice did not count as useful. Not in a war, not ever. Meanwhile, pretty much everyone in her surrounding were risking their lives on a daily basis - killing, on a daily basis.

“I’m so sorry, Reg. How… How can I help you?”

“Well, you can pour me some more wine,” he smiled softly, wrapping his arm around her shoulders and taking a deep breath. And it was ridiculous, that is was him comforting her, and not the other way around.


	30. 1980

”You’re hiding,” Sirius grinned, as he made his way into the bedroom, where Aurelia was indeed hiding. The girl figured she had either had too much to drink, or too much of the people out there and their disgustingly adorable relationships. It seemed like everyone else had found some sort of effortless peace in the midst of this terrible war. James and Lily were snuggled up together on the sofa, Dorcas and Marlene were holding hands and whispering to one another in a corner, even Peter and Mary had exchanged a kiss in the kitchen earlier. It was probably the one quality Aurelia hated most about herself, the jealousy. Because she was happy for them. How could she not be? Darkness surrounded them in these times, and despite how terrifying the thought was, it was likely that they wouldn’t all survive this. They all deserved this, they deserved to be happy. But that jealousy was still there, stubbornly at the back of her mind, making her wonder when and if she would get the same thing.

“Are you alright?” he continued, making his way to sit down next to her on the bed.

“I am,” she responded, a small smile on her lips as she pulled herself out of destructive thoughts and lifted her head up to meet his gaze.

“I missed you out there.”

“Well, as I recall, you were perfectly happy drinking Peter under the table.”

“I mean, who wouldn’t be?” he grinned in response, biting his lip as a more serious expression took over.

“Are you okay?” The sudden seriousness of the situation filled her with concern, and quite frankly, the thought of Sirius not being okay pained her.

“I’ll be fine.”

“Will be?”

“Merlin, Fawley. How many times do I have to tell you? Don’t worry about me,” he grinned, running his hand through that dark, curly hair of his, pulling it out of his face only to have it fall back down and hide him away again.

“Well I do,” she mumbled in response, turning her face down towards the floor, carefully turning her gaze up to throw a glance at his furrowed brows hiding behind that curtain of messy curls.

“What?”

“I worry about you.”

Curious grey eyes locked with confused ones in that moment - which seemed to last forever.

“I worry about you too,” he swallowed, a small smile gracing his lips.

Before she knew it, her hand was wrapped up in those surprisingly soft curls of his, her eyes locked on the beautiful storm that were his eyes, and she could’ve sworn she heard the tunes of ‘Wish You Were Here’ from the other room as she slowly, hesitantly, began to close the space between them. His lips were so close that she could feel the warmth radiating off them, when the bedroom door flew open and Peter Pettigrew appeared in the doorway, catching both his breath and his balance. The pair practically flew apart at the notion, although the boy in the doorframe seemed oblivious to what he had interrupted.

“Fireworks!” he exclaimed, still bent over and breathing heavily, as though he had run all the way from Godric’s Hollow to deliver that message.

“The fireworks are about to start!” he continued, before standing up straight and hurrying back out to the party.

Aurelia didn’t know whether to be frustrated or relieved about the interruption, because while it had stopped her from doing something positively stupid, she was left in an utterly awkward situation – feeling terrible about having tried to kiss him in the first place.

“I guess I should go help them set up,” Sirius mumbled absently, as he once again dragged his hand through his dark curls, and got up on his feet.

“I’ll be out in a minute,” the girl promised, crossing her arms over her chest in frustration over having no other place to put them. As he finally left the room to get the fireworks set up, Aurelia let out a breath she barely knew she had been holding, throwing herself back onto the bed and staring into the roof. The wine was to blame, she decided. The wine, and bloody Regulus who was responsible for her drinking it so damn fast. 

Except, it wasn’t the wine. It was the way his arms felt around her the other day when she had been certain nothing could put her back together again. The way his eyes looked at her as though every time was the first. It was the way he always managed to make her smile, simply by flashing her one of those annoying, cheeky grins of his. It was him. Him, and the fact that she was desperately in love with him.

\---

At the explosive sound of the first fireworks, Aurelia groaned as she dragged herself out of the bed. She didn’t want to show her face out there, and she definitely didn’t want to have to face Sirius again, but alas, she had to. Things would get even more awkward if she stayed in his damn bed, or fell asleep in there, and she couldn’t very well allow that to happen.

She made her way out the bedroom, and through the dark, seemingly empty living room to join the others outside when there was a loud creaking sound coming from behind her. Soundlessly, she turned around, raising her wand at the darkness of the room.

“Lumos,” she whispered.

And there, against the wall in the far end of the room, stood Regulus hovering above Remus, black shirt unbuttoned and lips pink from kissing.

“Oh, shit!” the girl exclaimed, grey eyes huge as she stood paralyzed by the scene.

“I’m sorry!” she continued, shaking her head in panic.

“Fawley! Put out the damn light, will you?”

“Yes! Sorry! Nox.”

The room went dark again, and she could hear one of the boys clearing his throat.

“Why the hell aren’t you out watching the fireworks?” Regulus asked, as he stepped out of the dark, buttoning up his shirt.

“Well, I was on my way, wasn’t I? Besides, turns out I didn’t need to go outside to see the fireworks.”

“Shut up.”

“Alright, alright. I’m going now anyways, so you don’t have to… put this back on,” she teased, pointing to his shirt buttons.

“Shut up! I’m coming with you.”

“Remus?” Aurelia asked, into the darkness of the room.

“Mhm?”

“Are you coming?”

“I, um… fine,” he muttered in response, as he too stepped out of the dark part of the room and followed the two friends outside. 

\---

It was closer to six in the morning when the last guests (read: James, Remus, Peter and Regulus) begun to withdraw. Aurelia had been tired for a long time, but it had been nice to see things being somewhat liked they used to be, back at Hogwarts. It was nice to see the boys messing around like old times, playing stupid drinking games and daring each other to try stupid new spells.

But once the apartment was empty yet again, and there was no one there but her and Sirius, the awkward silence returned. The one she despised more than anything. The silence, that was the entire reason for why she had desperately tried not to act on her feelings and get to close to Sirius. And despite her efforts, she had messed up. She had leaned in to bloody kiss him, and put their whole damn friendship at risk; again.

And yet, she still wondered what it would be like; to kiss him when it wasn’t just a distraction, when they weren’t in the middle of screaming their throats out at each other. She wondered if it had to ruin their friendship, or if there perhaps was a chance that they could be… better together?

“About earlier-“ the girl began, hesitantly, where she sat on the floor by the fireplace next to this boy who continuously swept her off her feet and came back into her life as though he had never left. Without a doubt, he was there for her through everything and anything, even when it had been months since they last spoke. Despite their many fights and splits, he was her constant. He had become her constant.

“Yeah, that was stupid. We were drunk…” he cut in, ruffling his hair and shifting his gaze to the opposite direction.

“Mhm,” she mumbled in agreement, and whereas the logical part of her figured she should be relieved, there was still a heavy weight over her chest, making it harder and harder to breathe. Because she knew. She knew that she had taken too long. She had turned him down too many times, and now he had grown tired of her. He had moved on. Perhaps Sirius too had a beautiful muggleborn genius somewhere out there. Someone better – which wasn’t that much of an accomplishment, really. Aurelia was… pretty, at most. The plain kind of pretty. She wasn’t Head Girl material by far, and she wasn’t even taking part in the war everyone else seemed to fight in. She was, quite literally, mediocre. No wonder he didn’t want her. No wonder James hadn’t wanted her.

“I think it’s time for me to leave, too,” she smiled weakly. The truth was she couldn’t stay, not after this. She couldn’t continue to sit there, watching the light from the fire hit his skin like early morning sunshine on the black lake in spring. She couldn’t cry herself to sleep on his sofa, and she most certainly couldn’t show him her weakness. 

“No, I… You should stay, Fawley,” Sirius swallowed, looking up at her with shiny eyes and a dejected expression to his face.

“I… I can’t. I should be taking care of myself, it’s about time, really. But thank you, for having me.”

“You’re always welcome here,” he mumbled, turning his gaze away again as the girl got up, grabbed some floo powder and disappeared in the flames.

\---

Seconds later, the young woman appeared in the living room of her childhood home, and it wasn’t long before her mother came rushing from the kitchen.

“AURELIA ROSE FAWLEY! You have been gone for days on end, where on earth have you been?!”

“I am not a child anymore, mother. And I’m not obliged to stay in your house all the time.”

“You are still my responsibility. I most certainly hope you haven’t been… consorting with any boys, and especially no-“

“Of course not, mother,” Aurelia cut her mother off with a sigh. She had been tired of this for so long. And coming back to this, she instantly regretted her decision to leave Sirius’ apartment.

“Oh, lay off her, love. She’s young! Don’t you remember when we were young? How we would dance, and stay up until dawn?” Charles chanted, as he entered the room after his wife, took hold of her hands and swung her around – not managing to bring a smile to her lips. Ambrosia was a difficult woman to please, to say the least. And it was quite obvious that Aurelia wasn’t the only one in Fawley Manor who had been drinking that New Year’s Eve. 

“I’m glad you’re home sweetheart,” her father continued, pulling her in for a hug and kissing the top of her head, before leaving the two again. As usual, he tended to avoid conflict, especially when that conflict had to do with his wife. 

“Do you realize what this does to our reputation? I couldn’t bring myself to tell your uncle of your disappearance,” Ambrosia snarled at her daughter, as soon as Charles had left the room.

“I don’t see how this is any of Abraxas’ business,” Aurelia spat back at her mother, as she quite frankly couldn’t care less about her uncle’s opinion.

“Aurelia! He is the head of this family and you will pay him resp-“

“No, mother. Grandfather is the head of this family, and I am going to go stay with him now, because believe it or not – I am not a Malfoy.”

“Don’t be silly. Hector is an old man, he wouldn’t want a stupid girl running about his house,” the elder woman rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest, as though she had just proven a point. But Aurelia was done listening to her.

“I’m not asking for your opinion, mother. I’m asking for his,” the younger of the two challenged, before pushing past her mother up the stairs to pack her bags and floo to her grandfather’s estate that same night. At least there, she didn’t have to put up with death eaters, sympathizers or punishments.


	31. Champagne

Going to that March wedding had been a bad idea from the start. Despite that lingering awareness, Aurelia had spent the better part of two months ignoring her friends’ concerns with complete determination of going. First of all, James had invited her, which meant that in some fucked up sense, he wanted her there. And that was the least she could do after everything that happened. And secondly, not showing up would be a sign of weakness, one that implied she still had feelings for James. And despite that being the bitter truth, she would not have James believe it.

Work had been a good distraction. It had started out as an internship at the Administrative Registration Office, which was given to her after her grandfather called in a few favours. It had only been a month before she was offered a paid position at the Wizengamot Administation Services, which she liked to believe she had managed to get without any external help. Although there was no telling for sure if Mr. Hector Fawley had had something to do with it. There wasn’t much he wouldn’t do for his favourite granddaughter, in all honesty, and moving in with the former minister had turned out to be a good idea. Aurelia’s grandmother had died quite some years ago, and Hector didn’t seem opposed to the company. It was strange. For the first time, at the age of nineteen, it finally felt like she had an actual home. The big house was safe and warm, free of death eaters, and free of judgement and expectations. Her grandfather didn’t bother her about marriage or courtship, but rather supported her strive for a career. He was perhaps a little too excited about her following in his footsteps, using every chance he got to promote his granddaughter to former colleagues.

But no matter how well Aurelia managed to focus on her distractions, the wedding was approaching, just about a month after her nineteenth birthday. So, despite everyone else’s (and her own) better judgement, Aurelia bought a dress, did her hair, and left for Godric’s Hollow on the morning of March 15th. It was a beautiful wedding, much unlike any wedding she had ever attended. The church was small, and decorated in fresh flowers. The bride was visibly pregnant. The guests were many and genuinely happy. Comparing the Potter wedding to the Malfoy wedding she had attended just three years ago was like comparing her childhood home to the Potter home; not possible. In a nostalgic and ironic way, the wedding reminded her of just that, visiting the Potters for the first time, in the middle of the night after that awful wedding three years ago. It was a warmth she hadn’t experienced before. A home as it was supposed to be. And yet there she sat, watching Lily Evans get all those things leading to that home. The one Aurelia had so naively pictured for herself.

But it wasn’t just for Aurelia that the wedding was nostalgic and bitter sweet. Sirius had told her about Monty and Mia’s illness and untimely death last year, so it was safe to assume that both James and Sirius were struggling with the absence of warm, elderly couple. The ceremony nearly became too much for the girl, with that notion. There she was, sitting alone in a church, and it was like watching him go. He had left her long ago, but this, seeing him up there, with Lily in a white dress, for the first time it was like he was truly walking away. However hard it was to accept, she knew what it meant. It meant that he was never coming back, and despite the fact that he had been hers first, he was Lily’s now. Aurelia found herself with tears in her eyes, for completely other reasons than the rest of the crowd, as the bride and groom shared a kiss before walking out of the building hand in hand.

\--

“Are you alright, Lia?” the maid of honour asked, throwing her arms around her friend, the moment Aurelia entered the party venue.

“I told you not to come, you stubborn prat!” Marlene continued, playfully smacking her friend over the arm, her warm smile contagious.

“I’m fine, Marls, Really. Now you have a bride to look after, and I need to go find some alcohol.”

Several glasses of champagne, and many heartfelt speeches later, Aurelia found herself both intoxicated and upset. She couldn’t stand listening to another speech, and quite frankly, downing any more champagne wasn’t an option anymore either. While the room was already spinning, the blonde grabbed her champagne glass and unsteadily made her way towards the bathroom in much too high heels. At least this way she wouldn’t have to listen to Mr. Evans’ sappy speech, and watch the sappy couple’s reactions and fuck-

“Shit, sorry, I’m so-“

She had walked straight into someone, and spilled her champagne all over a fitted white shirt, now clinging wet to the chest of… the best man, she realized, as she looked up to meet the piercing grey eyes of Sirius Black.

“Fuck, I ruined your shirt, didn’t I?” she panicked, attempting to wipe the fabric off with her bare hands, which naturally only made it worse.

“Fawley, stop.” His voice was sharp, but failed to calm her down in her panic of having ruined the best man’s bloody shirt, and her need to fix it somehow.

“Fawley!” As he raised his voice, and grabbed her wrists to pull her hands away from his shirt, she finally took a breath and looked up to face him again. His eyes were shiny, as though he had been crying, but it wasn’t a sad look he was shooting her. It was the kind of look that could melt her in the spot, and had her catching her breath before mindlessly closing the distance between them and sloppily pressing her lips against his, her hands finding their way back to his champagne-soaked chest. Aurelia’s heart was beating out of her chest, he backed her into the wall. The reality of her whereabouts left her consciousness - overshadowed by him. She dragged him into a bathroom. There was no hesitation, no questions asked, as champagne-soaked shirts and way-too-tight dresses were pulled off, and whiskey flavoured kisses had Aurelia Fawley’s sense of reality leave her. 

\--

It wasn’t until after, several breath-taking moments later, as he was trying to zip up her dress that it dawned upon the girl; she shouldn’t have come to the wedding.

“I’ve got it!” she snapped, turning around to make him stop fumbling with that damn zipper.

“Are you sure? I almost had it.”

“Yes, just go.”

“I…” he began, slowly putting his hand on the doorknob, hesitating to leave the tiny bathroom.

“I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have…” There were tears forming in the corners of his grey eyes again, and she couldn’t bear it. She couldn’t bear to see him broken. She couldn’t bear knowing that she had done that to him.

“Don’t… this was my fault, Sirius. I took advantage of you, and now… I can’t… Please just leave,” she murmured, holding up her dress and shifting her gaze away from those sad, confused eyes of his. Fuck, she hated herself. In what world had this been a good idea? 

Eventually, she heard the lock shift, and the door creak. As she looked up, Sirius had left the bathroom, fixing his tie as he walked away. The blonde quickly slammed the door shut and pushed the lock down before sliding down the wall, onto the floor, and finally allowing the stubborn tears to leave her eyes. There he went, she thought, him too walking away. But only because she made him. Only because she had used him in the first place. She absolutely appalled herself. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go, and yet there she was, on a filthy bathroom floor, at James Potter’s wedding, absolutely off the trolley, having used him as a bloody coping mechanism; Sirius Black.

The girl took a deep breath to calm her sobs, lifting both palms to closed eyes, wiping the tears off her face. She loved him. She loved him so much that the mere thought of him walking away just now broke her heart all over again. And yet, she had dragged him into that bathroom, too drunk to stand on two feet, and shagged him as though he meant nothing – only to forget about James bloody Potter and his perfect marriage. 

After collecting herself, zipping that damn dress back up, and fixing her makeup, the nineteen-year-old stood up to leave. Not only the bathroom, but the wedding itself. Clearly, she should’ve listened to both Marlene and Regulus when they advised her not to go in the first place. Perhaps then she wouldn’t have ruined one of the few good things she had left. Perhaps then she wouldn’t have hurt Sirius, or fucked up any chance they had left at a functional relationship.

“What happened?” Marlene asked, as she caught up to her friend who was determinedly making her way out of the building, high heels in hand.

“You have more important things to think about, Marls,” Aurelia responded, not stopping in her tracks.

“I really don’t, please talk to me. I can see you’ve been crying.”

“You were right, okay? I shouldn’t have come.” 

“Is it James? Are you upset about James?”

“No, I… I fucked up, Marlene. I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Oh. I’m sure it’s not half as bad as you think,” the bridesmaid replied with a soft smile, gently wiping the tears away from her friend’s cheeks with her thumbs.

“Thanks, Marls,” Aurelia retorted, a slight smile making its way to her lips at the caring blonde that was her friend; a friend she didn’t deserve. A friend she didn’t know what she’d do without. 

“Do you need any help getting home?”

“I’ll manage. You go back in there and have fun.”

“Okay. Take care of yourself, Lia. I’ll see you soon.”


	32. War

”Did you do this?!” the girl yelled, tears already forming in the corners of her eyes, as she shoved that morning’s edition of the daily prophet in her brother’s face. It was, undoubtedly, the worst piece of news she had ever read. She had been under the impression that there were no tears left to cry after being up all night, yet there they were, stubbornly making their way down her furious face. 

“Answer me! Where you there?!”

Augustus had a dejected expression about him, and as he softly tried to take the newspaper out of her hands, she ripped it away from him and pushed it towards her own chest as though it was her most prized possession and she was afraid he might break it. Break it like he had broken _her_; her and them – her entire family.

“She was my _friend_!” she raged. 

“Nobody has ever been kinder to me than she was! I have no one, Augustus, and you are not my brother anymore! Do you hear me? I want nothing to do with your murderous death eater arse!”

As she turned around to leave and slam the door behind her, the tall boy with dirty blonde hair made a weak sound behind her.

“Wait.”

“I didn’t… I didn’t kill her,” he continued. 

“Uh huh? And what about her family then; did you kill them? Maybe torture them just a little?”

He grew silent just then, turning his gaze towards the cold stone floor of the Fawley Manor kitchen, grey eyes matching the tiles.

“I don’t even know who you are anymore. You disgust me, Augustus. Just how do you do it? How do you justify murdering innocent people? I don’t know how you can live with yourself.”

“Aria, you don’t unders…“

“Don’t. Call me that,” she warned, deadly glare glued to his eyes, identical to hers.

“I am trying to do what’s right for our family, for you!”

“Well, you’ve failed immensely.”

“Don’t you see? It’s not all black or white! You’re being naïve. I joined them so that I could protect you from this war!” 

“Well you can take your damn protection and shove it up your arse, Augustus, because I don’t accept it. I hope you rot in Azkaban.” The young woman slammed the door in his face as she left, unintentional magic crashing vases and dropping portraits to the floor in her childhood home. 

Marlene McKinnon was dead. Her entire family were dead. Tortured and killed by death eaters last night. Aurelia pressed the newspaper to her chest, every muscle in her face growing tense, as though that was going to prevent the tears from falling. Marlene McKinnon was dead and gone. Aurelia would never see her again. Augustus had been there, he had let it happen, and Aurelia hated him with every bone in her body.

She was alone now. It truly did feel like she had no one, although logically she knew that wasn’t the case. She had her grandfather, with whom she’d gotten very close over the past year of living with him. She had Regulus, although with his secret assignments she hadn’t seen him much lately, and when she saw him he was worn out and stressed out. Somewhere, deep down, was the lingering feeling that she had Sirius. Sirius, who she had barely seen since the wedding disaster last year, and who was far too busy with the war, his godson and his best friend to bother with her; the girl who, once again, was lying to herself. He hadn’t pushed her away, not really. It was just something she told herself to be able to deal with the fact that she had lost him too.

And now, now Marlene was gone, and Aurelia had lost both her brother and her friend over the course of a day. What did she have left? A job she’d always strived for, but which didn’t seem to make _any_ difference on this raging war outside? A grandfather who was old and greying, who’s weak heart might fail him at any moment? A best friend who was never around, and who seemed to have his mind set on getting himself killed in this war? A love who she had hurt to the point where she couldn’t look him in the eye anymore? A deadline to marry within less than a year, before her parents married her off the first pureblood death eater they came across? No, she had nothing. Nothing good, at least.

\---

When the twenty-year-old girl finally managed to apparate back home to her grandfather’s house, she found a dejected young man waiting for her on the stairwell, face in his hands.

“I heard,” Regulus exclaimed as he saw her, and got up from the stairwell to hurriedly wrap his arms around his best friend, who pushed him away before he got the chance to.

“Oh, so you weren’t _there_ then?” she spat out in disgust, at the best friend she hadn’t seen in months. The best friend who bore the same horrid mark on his arm as her brother did.

“I… No, Aurelia. Of course I wasn’t! I wouldn’t…”

“But you’ve tortured and killed people before, haven’t you? Innocent people just like her.”

“Muffliato,” the boy murmured, and waved his wand with ease, before stepping closer to his friend. “What do you want me to say? I’m a spy, you know that. Every day I risk my life trying to end this war, to destroy his damn horcruxes. I don’t want to take part in any of his madness, but I _have_ to, if we’re going to stand a chance.”

“I… horcruxes? Plural? That’s what you’ve been doing?” Aurelia asked, finally washing off the anger and tearing up again. She couldn’t take it. She couldn’t lose him, too. 

“Yeah, there’s… definitely more than one.”

“This is what I’m... Reggie, I feel so powerless. You are gone for months on end risking your life, and there’s nothing I can do. I can’t lose you. You can’t die. Please don’t die,” she managed, barely being able to catch a breath between those last few works, before falling apart into his arms. Marlene was dead. Regulus looked like a walking ghoul. Augustus was lost.

“Shh, it’s alright. I won’t die, okay? I won’t die,” the taller of the two chanted, stroking her hair rhythmically, his slow consistent breaths calming her down.

“I went to see him,” she whispered into his black hoodie, closing her arms around his middle and holding on, fearing that if she let go, she would never see him again.

“Augustus,” she continued, barely able to bring herself to say the name. She wasn’t sure which was worse, the anger or the pain. She hated him for what he had become, but simultaneously, she grieved for the boy he had been.

“He was there. He… he’s lost. I don’t have a brother anymore.”

“You have me. Alright? I’m here,” the dark-haired boy mumbled, his voice failing him. Regulus had lost a brother once, too. Thankfully, him and Sirius had found their way back to each other, but you could hear it in his voice. He had lost a brother once, too.

“How is he?” she finally asked, after a moment of silence. A silence that had been screaming Sirius’ name. 

“He’s the one who told me, wanted me to check on you.”

“That doesn’t answer my question, does it?”

“He’s… It’s a lot. The Potters are in hiding, he’s trying to spend time with them, and Harry. But he misses you, Aurelia.”

“Did he tell you that?”

“No, but-“

“Then don’t tell me that,” the girl cut him off, withdrawing from him and crossing her arms over her chest with a sigh.

“I can tell that he misses you. Look, I don’t know what went down between the two of you, but it’s not worth it. This war, it’s… don’t act like you have all the time in the world. You clearly love him,” the boy said softly, and Aurelia found herself wondering how one could say such words in a _soft_ manner. Her heart skipped a beat at what he had suggested, and she couldn’t possibly entertain the thought of losing Sirius, too. Especially not today.

“Are you taking your own advice?” she snapped, again retorting to a quick defence, rather than entertaining the pain. 

“What?”

“Remus.”

“That’s different,” he tried, although was soon shut down by his friend again.

“Yeah, you tell yourself that.”

“Look, I didn’t come here to argue. I wanted to check on you, and I should probably be on my way,” Regulus sighed, crossing his arms over his chest and taking a step back.

“Reggie?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t die.”

“I love you too,” he grinned in response, before disapparating and leaving an empty space on the lawn in front of her, as well as in her heart. She was alone again, not knowing for how long, while everyone else was out there fighting a deadly war. She was powerless and alone.


	33. Strangers

These were lonely times. Lonely, isolated times. The war had been going on for far too long, and with all the issues at hand, they were encouraged not to trust each other. Not even within the order. Sirius didn’t like it. James, Lily and Harry were still in hiding, because Voldemort believed the words of some moronic prophecy and was after Sirius’ one-year-old godson. They had murdered Marlene last month, along with her entire family, and Dorcas had died seeking vengeance for her girlfriend. Sirius didn’t see Remus or Peter much anymore, either, and while he assumed they were sent off on secret missions – he could never really know. He saw Regulus, sometimes, when he’d been asked to help with the bloody horcruxes – another mission Dumbledore required them to keep secret. Ever since his idiot little brother had tried to go destroy that first horcrux on his own, and Sirius had come with him to that hellcave, Dumbledore had thought it a good idea for the two of them to take care of the remaining ones as well (although nobody really knew how many there were).

And then there was Fawley. Fawley, who he hadn’t talked to properly in over a year. Not since the wedding, when she had kicked him out of the bathroom after he had full and properly taken advantage of her when she was clearly drunk and heartbroken. Not that he had been particularly sober or happy himself, but nevertheless. He didn’t blame her for not wanting anything to do with him after that. He blamed himself for that. He had finally managed to fuck it up once and for all, managing with what had seemed to be her concern all along; treating her like _one of his slags_. He had heard those words from her countless times, spat out in disgust, in anger. And he hadn’t listened. No, instead he got pissed at her ex boyfriend’s wedding and fucked her in the bloody loo. _Like one of his slags_.

This whole ordeal had led him to one major understanding. She was too good for him. He probably should’ve seen that way back from the start, but he’d had been a stupid, smug teenager back then. At seventeen, despite her being involved with his best friend, he had still deluded himself that somehow, someday, he was going to get her. He hated himself for that, too. For trying so damn hard, when she was clearly hurting. Come to think of it, he had been taking advantage of her, or at least trying to, all along – and he needed to stop. He needed to let go of any delusions he had left of the two of them together. 

A weak knock pulled Sirius out of his agonizing state of mind, forcing the worn twenty-one-year-old to get out of the sofa and answer the door, but as he did he could’ve sworn he was dreaming. He wasn’t sure what he had expected, or rather who, as people generally didn’t knock on his door. But he sure as hell hadn’t expected a teary-eyed, silvery blonde girl standing in the hall.

“Fawley, hey. Um… come in,” he managed, biting his bottom lip as he stepped aside to let her in.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know where else to go,” the girl sobbed, hastily wiping the tears from her cheeks and stepping in. She looked completely broken down, this time, and he couldn’t stand seeing her like that. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked carefully, stopping himself from reaching out to touch her. He gestured towards the sofa and followed her over to sit down next to her.

“It’s absurd. I shouldn’t even be upset about this,” she laughed, out of the sudden, grimacing and turning her dejected gaze to the floor again.

“Hey, let me get you some tea, alright?” he asked, earning a small nod from the sniffling blonde, who wrapped herself tightly in a blanket despite the damn heatwave that insufferable August of 1981.

Sirius soon returned with two cups of tea, handing her one and sitting down next to her again.

“Herbal,” he explained with a low voice, scratching his neck as he tried to make sense of the situation. It had to have been almost two years since she last set foot in his apartment, that New Year’s Eve when everyone had been fine, and they had almost kissed. 

“He finally got himself killed,” she swallowed, breathing in the fumes of her tea, slowly and steadily.

“Augustus,” she sobbed, before he could even bring himself to ask who had died this time, having feared the worst. Her brother had died, and for a second, Sirius found himself wondering who had gotten to him (perhaps Moody, or the Prewetts). How disgusting was that? There was no immediate compassion, only another target taken down, likely by one of his friends.

He quietly remembered his Hogwarts years, first suspecting, and then finding out that Regulus had taken the mark. As much as he had wanted to, as much as he tried, he hadn’t been able to stop caring for his brother – his brother the death eater. If something had happened to Regulus, even then, Sirius would’ve never been able to forgive himself. And Aurelia had always been that much better than him, loving her family endlessly, no matter what they did to her. And now her heart was breaking, for a death eater, and it broke him to see.

“I’m sorry,” the raven-haired man mumbled, glancing up between dark curls to meet reddened grey eyes, both furious and devastated all at once.

“Don’t be. He was a monster,” she managed in response, sniffling, as her face tensed up in a determined grimace with the struggle to keep from breaking down again.

“He was there, at the McKinnon’s,” she continued, retorting to breathe her tea-fumes again, a stoic, firm expression on her face, one she had undoubtedly learned from her cold mother.

“Fawley… it’s okay to mourn. He was your brother, first, wasn’t he?”

“No. I mourned that boy a month ago, he was already dead to me.” 

Sirius didn’t want to imagine it; losing his brother. Either of them, no matter the circumstances. It was, per definition, unimaginable. Seeing the pain hidden behind her eyes, though, he had no choice but to imagine it. He swallowed down on the thick lump in his throat and took a sip of his tea, holding back the stubborn tears that burned him, at the idea of losing Regulus or James.

“Aur-“

“How are you?” she interrupted, changing the subject as soon as she had collected herself.

“How am I? That’s… that’s what we’re talking about now?” he asked, releasing a slight laugh at the absurdity of the situation.

“Yes. How are you doing?”

“I… I’m coping,” he swallowed, setting down his cup on the coffee table.

“How’s… the baby?”

“Harry is amazing. They’re still in hiding, and he could do with some company, but so far, I think James gets more restless. I haven’t seen them in a while though.” 

“You look tired,” the girl deducted. She looked tired, too. It wasn’t odd, with everything going on, all the deaths they had suffered, all the relationships shattered because of this bloody war.

“I am,” he admitted, taking a deep breath. “I just hope this war is over soon.”

“Me too.” 

“I should probably get going. Thank you for the tea,” Aurelia said hastily, back on her feet in a matter of seconds.

“I’m glad you stopped by,” the boy responded, cringing at how formal they had become. It didn’t seem like _them_. The distance, the controlled conversation. But then again, he would take this over not seeing her at all, in a heartbeat.

“Me too.”

“You do know that you’re always welcome here, right? And you don’t have to knock the next time. I have a floo connection, you know,” he grinned, realizing it was probably the first time he had smiled all week.

“I… thank you,” the blonde finally replied, after a moment’s hesitation. He wondered if she would ever take him up on the offer, floo in unexpectedly for a cup of tea, or dinner, or a hug.

“Hey, Fawley,” he called out, getting out of the sofa to follow her on her way to the front door.

“Yes?” she turned around, curious, icy eyes meeting his.

“I’m sorry. About last time. I really am-“

“Do you think… can we just put that behind us?” she asked, chewing on the inside of her lip, as though he had made her uncomfortable by just bringing it up.

“Yeah… good idea,” he agreed, scratching the back of his neck where he stood, opposed to her in the hall, feeling much further away than the mere seven feet between them.

“See you ‘round, Fawley.”

“Take care, Sirius.”


	34. Victory

Aurelia stared at the newspaper in front of her with empty eyes. She had dropped her cup and spilt tea all over the table, but she could not bring herself to clean it up. She couldn’t bring herself to do anything. Anything but reading those lines over and over again, staring at the newspaper with empty, glossy eyes. 

_“VOLDEMORT DEFEATED!”_ read the headline. It was a celebratory headline, and most people of the wizarding community were probably out celebrating on the streets this very moment. But what followed the headline was not celebratory. Not in the least. And Aurelia could not bring herself to feel an ounce of happiness that the war was over. Not when it was ending like this.

_“Voldemort’s death curse re-bounced off one-year-old chosen one, Harry Potter, effectively obliterating the dark wizard. Both parents, James and Lily Potter were killed in the attack by Voldemort’s hand. Death eater Sirius Black has been arrested and imprisoned in high security facility Azkaban for the murder of order member Peter Pettigrew along with twelve muggles, and for aiding and abetting the Potter murders. Harry Potter is alive and well, and has been brought to safety with family.”_

The girl blinked twice, hard, half expecting other words on the paper as she opened her eyes back up again. But the words remained the same, as did the hot tea, burning on her arm. This was not a time for tears, she decided, utilising the mind games her mother had taught her as a child. Surely, she could manage to shove this newspaper article in a trunk somewhere at the back of her mind, as she had the abortion; the one where she had knowingly killed their child, James’ child. James who was now gone. Gone, for all but an empty shell lying somewhere in a dark cellar of St. Mungos, cold and still – a literal opposite of him, the boy who embodied warmth and _life_. She had nothing left of him now. He was dead and gone, along with his bright smile, warm hugs, twinkling hazel eyes, and their child that she would never hold in her arms. 

Closing her eyes hard and abruptly, Aurelia pushed the thought away, back and further back into her head, slamming the trunk shut with the thought inside. _One breath in, deep and slow, one breath out, heavy and controlled_, she managed, pushing the panic away. This was not a time for tears, nor was it a time for panic.

_Sirius_, she suddenly thought with alarm. Soft dark curls, stormy eyes and teasing smirks. _Soft_, broken Sirius in a cold, empty cell, dementors sucking every happy memory out of him. Taking James, Remus and Peter away from him. Taking away Marlene, Regulus, Mia and Monty. Taking away late nights by the lake, pranks in the great hall, Pink Floyd on New Year’s Eve, and dance parties in a Scottish family library. Taking away soft hugs, violent drunken kisses in a bar, light blissful kisses on the floor of a library, even hurtful stupid sex in a damn loo. Taking away _her_, ripping Aurelia away from him when she wanted nothing more than to be with him.

_Close the trunk_, she told herself, taking a few controlled breaths again, shoving Sirius to the back of her mind – leaving an empty void; one she needed to fill with other things before he came rushing back. _Tea_, spilt tea. The girl swallowed hard, failing to rid herself of the thick lump in her throat, before getting to her feet to fetch a rag, wiping up the tea she had spilt on the table forever ago when she first saw the newspaper. 

_Peter_, she thought, dropping her teacup into the sink where she had planned to set it down, glass crashing underneath it. Poor, sweet Peter. Peter, who couldn’t take his alcohol for shit, who’s curiosity always got the best of him, who teased his friends every chance he got, and who still got ridiculously excited about fireworks. Well, not _anymore_. Peter - curious and enthusiastic Peter - would never get the chance to be excited about anything again.

_CLOSE. THE. TRUNK._

There was crushed glass all over the sink, the girl deducted, internally scolding herself for being so clumsy. She started picking up the pieces, collecting them in the now chipped teacup, quite immediately cutting her finger on a piece, red blood spilling down into the sink. Red, like Lily’s hair.

_Lily_. The caring, concerned Head Girl who Aurelia had ran into in the dark corridors of Hogwarts at night. The young woman who gave soft hugs and asked forgiveness for unknowingly snatching James away from her. The happy bride who was supposed to have the life, the _home_ that Aurelia had imagined for herself once. The young mother who would never get to see her child grow up, not because she had chosen it, like Aurelia, but because it had been taken away from her. Because her life had been taken away from her.

“Merlin, Aria! What happened?” 

Hector Fawley grabbed his granddaughter by the shoulders, steadily pulling her away from the sink and healing the cut on her finger with a quick spell, attempting, but failing to make eye contact with the young woman.

“Aurelia. What happened?” he asked, determinedly, shaking her by the shoulders in yet another attempt to make contact with his distant granddaughter.

“I… I dropped my cup,” she mumbled, absentmindedly, in response. Her mind was elsewhere. With a small child, a small innocent child – who shared far too much with the one she had chosen away, the one she would never see grow up. This child, James’ child, was barely a year old and had lost everything in a single night. He’d lost his dad, his mum, and his godfather. He’d lost the chance to ever fall asleep in his mother’s arms again, to laugh at his father’s silly jokes, to grow up chasing three unusually friendly animals around in the garden. He’d lost everything. Everything but his life.

“Aurelia!” her grandfather demanded, and the girl slammed shut the symbolical trunk at the back of her mind yet again.

“Sorry,” the girl swallowed, wiping her cheeks dry from tears she hadn’t realized were falling in the first place.

“I need to leave,” she mumbled, feeling herself slowly slip away again, as the teenage girl inside her head started walking towards that damn trunk. The trunk she wasn’t allowed to open. The trunk that would set all hell loose.

“Nonsense, where are you going? You’re clearly not in the right mind to-“

“I need to leave,” she interrupted, pushing past the elderly man and making her way to the fireplace, grabbing a handful of floo powder and effectively leaving the mansion in flames. 

\---

As the young woman entered the empty apartment, yellow morning light hitting the white wall through the window, the teenage girl inside her head made her way to the closed trunk and bitterly unclasped the locks – knowing what she would find inside. James, _dead_. Sirius, _gone_. Peter, _dead_. Lily, _dead_. Harry, _alone_.

The blonde collapsed on the sofa, soot from the fireplace rubbing off on the knit blanket that smelled like cigarettes, expensive cologne, and dog fur – words spoken two months ago in that same apartment echoing in her head- _“and you don’t have to knock the next time. I have a floo connection, you know.”_

Before she knew it, she was soaking the blanket in tears, terrified she’d ruin it and make his scent go away – that she’d lose it, like she’d lost him. There was no way out of Azkaban. They’d thrown him in there like he was trash, a monster, which was most likely what he was telling himself. He didn’t deserve that. Aurelia was sure he hadn’t… he couldn’t have… Sirius was innocent. He had lost his _brother_ and been thrown into Azkaban for it – and it would be too much for him. For the kind, loving boy who had picked her books up from the floor, who had put her back together when she was bleeding, who had held her every time her world had seemed to fall apart- but who wasn’t there to hold her now that it actually had. Sirius, who’d never know how much she loved him – because she’d been too _stupid_, _selfish_ and _weak_ to actually tell him.

Aurelia couldn’t breathe. It was as though the room had run out of oxygen, or as though there were strong hands squeezing around her neck, when in fact – she was just breathing too damn fast, panicking. Quivering, the young woman sat up in the sofa, slowly and heavily taking a deep breath, holding it in, and trying to let it out without shaking.

Wiping her face with the palms of her hands, Aurelia inspected the apartment with dimmed vision, more tears forming in her eyes instantly. There was a wrapped gift on the dining table, wrapped in red paper with a golden bow on top. PADS, she could make out from the note tied to it. Biting down hard on her lip, she realized it was November 1st, and in just two days, Sirius would be spending his birthday in the presence of nobody but himself. Himself and dementors, ripping his mind apart, when he was supposed to be here with James, Peter, Lily and Harry. With Regulus, Remus, and Aurelia herself. He was supposed to be happy, and now Aurelia knew that there was a good chance he never would be again.

With weak steps, the young woman made her way into the kitchen, once again losing her breath upon seeing the photograph stuck to the wall. It couldn’t have been taken long ago, she figured, as the young boy in the photo was sitting up on his own, smiling widely as he touched the black fur of the big dog lying in front of him on the floor. He looked so much like James; this small boy with black, messy hair and an uncontained smile seemed to carry the same warmth and radiance his father did. _Had_. 

As the blonde fell down onto the same kitchen floor James had found her on that Christmas nearly two years ago now, she understood how wrong she had been. While James was gone, and their child had been gone for a long time, there was something of him left. She hadn’t lost all of him. Harry was still alive. Sirius was still alive, and once again she tried telling herself that this was not a time for tears. That it was not a time for panic. Sirius and Harry were still alive, and they had lost more than she had. Which meant she couldn’t fall apart, not when there was something she could do. 

Some hours later, Aurelia Fawley found herself at the docks where they sent the boats off to Azkaban, not entirely sure how she had ended up there, but entirely sure that there was nowhere else she could go. She needed to see him, and she knew he needed her. He needed to know he wasn’t alone, that there were people out here – waiting for him.

“Excuse me,” she managed, as she approached an auror working on the prisoner transport that was about to leave.

“I was wondering if you could take me with you. I need to see a friend, Sirius Black, they took him in last night and I-“

“Miss, this is Azkaban prison. We don’t take any visitors. Especially today. I don’t think you understand how many of these fuckers we’re getting now-“

“I work at the Wizengamot, I understand perfectly,” she defended, but was interrupted yet again.

“Then, respectfully, I suggest you go back to where you’re needed and do your job.”


	35. Confessions

Aurelia spent the next few days in Sirius apartment, barely functioning, breaking apart in that big Pink Floyd t-shirt that smelled like him and burying herself under the covers of his bed. The truth was she didn’t feel capable in the least. She was barely capable to get up and make herself a cup of tea, and yet, on the morning of his birthday she got out of bed and sent two owls before moving herself to the sofa with a piece of empty parchment and a quill. She had no right to break down and do absolutely nothing. Not when that was exactly what she had done throughout this war. Not when her friends had given their safety, their freedom, and their lives to win this war, while she had done nothing to help them. She had no right to feel sorry for herself. Not when Sirius was spending his twenty-second birthday in Azkaban prison, alone with all the ghosts of his past, convinced that everyone he loved had either died or abandoned him.

The floo roared with green flames as Remus stepped out of the fireplace, his arms around her within seconds, as though she would be the one who needed to be held together. But he was the one who had lost everything, all four of his best friends in one night. Wrapping her arms around his middle, Aurelia found herself in an unusual position. She had never been particularly close with Remus. Not like with James or Sirius, naturally, but like she was with Regulus either. She had always felt like Remus wasn’t exactly happy with her presence, not with Sirius and definitely not with James. But now, as he stood leaning his much taller frame against hers, with shaky breaths, she couldn’t picture him anywhere else. He was family, one of the very few she had left. He was like the brother she wished she’d had, and she couldn’t let him fall apart.

“I’m so sorry, Remus,” she mumbled into his chest, only realizing the fleeting tears as they soaked his jumper.

“Me too. Me too, Lia,” he managed, swallowing down hardly before letting go of her and collecting himself.

“Can I get you some tea?” he asked, and she nodded with a weak smile on her lips before following him into the kitchen.

Thirty minutes later, the pair were sitting by the kitchen table, somewhat calmed down by the tea and the heavy silence.

“I called you here because I need your help, Remus,” Aurelia stated shakily, setting down her teacup on the table.

“Sirius is innocent,” she continued.

“Aurelia-“ he protested, but was quickly cut off.

“He couldn’t have done it. You know it as well as I do. I know him, Remus. You know him. He loved them.”

“We all thought we knew him, Lia. And yet, we didn’t. You need to let him go.”

“That’s the stupidest-“ the girl begun, but it was her time to be cut off.

“Don’t you think I see what you’re doing? You’re out here playing house, in his apartment, in his clothes! It’s not healthy, and you can’t keep-“

The sudden pop of apparition interrupted the young man’s lecture, and right behind him a familiar shape took form. One with dark, heavy curls and furious grey eyes.

“What is he doing here!?” Regulus demanded, before the other boy had the chance to turn around and see who had arrived. He could hear it though, Aurelia thought, as she witnessed his amber eyes darken and his expression shift from concern to rage before he turned around to face the younger man.

“I could ask you the same thing,” Remus muttered darkly, hand moving to grab the cypress wand in his back pocket.

“He didn’t do it,” Regulus warned, his wand firmly in hand. “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell Remus,” Aurelia cried in the background, already questioning her choice to invite them both over.

“For all we know it was you,” Regulus spat out, raising his wand at the taller wizard.

“Me?!” Remus managed, barking out a laugh in disbelief.

“Well, you haven’t exactly been around, have you?” the younger of the pair inquired, his grey eyes set on the wizard in front of him.

“Would you two just stop this?”

“Stay out of this, Lia,” Remus threatened, not taking his eyes off Regulus for a second. “For all I know, you’re as much of a death eater and a traitor as your brother,” he continued, finally raising his wand on his opponent.

“And that’s exactly how I know he didn’t do it,” the younger man replied madly, shakily, before lifting his sleeve to reveal the dark mark on his lower arm.

“Oh god,” Remus let out, for a moment sounding as though he was going to get sick, before shaking his head frantically, taking a step closer to Regulus only to press his wand into his throat. “How does this help your case?! You sicken me! I was hoping I was wrong, you know,” he barked, tears forming in the outer corners of his eyes right before the shortest of the three threw herself in between the two wizards, effectively pushing Remus’ wand away from Regulus’ throat. “Stop this madness!”

“Lia, did you know about this?” Remus questioned, lower lip trembling as he tried to stay angry, rather than broken.

“Would you both just sit down for a moment?!” she ordered, earning a disbelieving laugh from the tall boy with sandy blonde hair, who used to be so kind and patient. He wasn’t patient anymore. He was furious.

“Sit down?! You want me to sit down with a death eater?!”

“Merlin’s beard, Remus! Would you calm down? He’s a spy, alright? He’s on your bloody side! Now sit your arse down, I’m trying to figure out how to get Sirius out of Azkaban here, and you’re not helping!”

Silence filled the room after her outburst, and the two young men absentmindedly took their seats by the kitchen table, followed by the tense blonde who had barely managed to get out of bed that same morning.

“Well, if it wasn’t you it must’ve been Pettigrew,” Regulus finally muttered, grey eyes finally managing to look up at Remus through heavy lashes, his expression bland. 

“Peter would never-“ Remus mumbled, cut off by an irritated Regulus.

“Oh, but Sirius would?”

“No. Yes. I don’t know,” Remus sighed, dropping his face into his palms.

“Why? Because he’s a Black, is that it? Because we’re all inherently evil and incorrigible? I’m curious, does this make Aurelia a traitor, too?” the young pureblood spat out, full of resentment, at the boy he used to love.

“Enough, alright?! I can’t watch you do this to each other anymore! You’re both here, alive, together, and yet you waste your time bashing each other! James and Lily are dead, and Sirius is locked up, and I might never get to see him again. I might never get the chance to tell him that I love him and… and I’ll be damned if I have to sit around watching you idiots hurt each other even more when we could be working on a way to get him out of there!”

There were no grins, no snarky comments about her confession. There were lowered gazes and mumbled apologies, heavy breaths and heavy silence. 

\--

“So, where have you been?” Regulus finally asked, breaking the silence, as his eyes locked onto the amber ones of the other wizard.

“I, uh… Dumbledore sent me away. Secret mission.”

“Me too,” mumbled Regulus in response, and Aurelia suddenly felt very out of place. As though, despite knowing most of their secrets, she was in their way.

“I’m gonna… I’ll be right back,” she excused herself, leaving the kitchen to settle down on the sofa again, with her empty parchment and even emptier head.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have… I was so quick to take you for one of them,” Remus began, biting his lip as he looked away from the other boy, showering himself in guilt. It had been so long since they last saw each other. It seemed like forever ago that they had shared drunken kisses in dark corners at parties, and exchanged secret looks in the corridors of Hogwarts. In a way, they were completely different people now. At least Remus was, after all that time with the packs, after losing his best friends – his family. And yet, despite losing just about everything, he was so quick to push Regulus away too.

“No, it’s… I had it coming after that dramatic display. I’m sorry too, Rem. I… I was too quick to accuse you. You’ve just been gone for so long, I guess I… I don’t know-“

“It makes sense. We’ve all been keeping so many secrets, not knowing who to trust. I guess we don’t have to anymore, with him gone-“

“I’m not so sure about that,” Regulus intervened, concern across his face.

“What?”

“We were hunting horcruxes, Sirius and I. I’m afraid there might be more.”

“Shit,” Remus managed, holding his breath for a while before pulling himself back together. “I had no idea.”

“No one did.”

“I was undercover, too,” Remus mumbled, swallowing down on the lump in his throat. Even after all these years, even after James, Sirius and Peter and everything they had taught him, there was still a voice in his head telling him that nobody could love a monster like him.

“With the packs, with… Greyback,” he managed, clearing his throat as his voice gave up on that last word. There was a silence that followed. A silence he hadn’t anticipated. An anxious silence, that confirmed the voice in his head. It had been over three years since they first kissed at Marlene’s birthday party, and for three years he had feared this moment. The inevitable moment when it was over for real. 

“That… explains a lot,” Regulus finally mumbled, a soft smile gracing his lips as he reached out for the other boy’s hand, taking it in his.

“What?”

“The disappearance, the scars, the fact that you’ve been trying to push me away for the better part of three years?”

“Yes, but I…” Remus swallowed down hard, looking around the room out of habit before repeating himself. “I’m… I’m a werewolf.”

“I got that,” Regulus grinned, shaking his head slightly at the very confused boy in front of him.

“You… you don’t mind?”

“Well…” the brunette began, dramatically reaching his torso over the table to look out the window. “I don’t see a full moon anywhere so we should be ‘right,” he smirked, earning himself a slap on the arm.

“What was that? Was I just slapped? By a werewolf? That’s… utterly disappointing, Remus Lupin. I expected better from you.” 

“Oh, you expected better, did you? What did you expect, exactly?” Remus teased, earning nothing but a grin from the younger boy.

“This is more like it.”

“Really?” the blonde inquired, under his breath, as he slowly leaned in over the table pulling the other boy in for a long overdue kiss, that quite quickly turned into heavy breaths and wandering hands.

“No, no, NO! Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad you’ve made up, but this is not a motel, you two!” Aurelia yelled as she entered the kitchen again, dropping her parchment on the table in front of them with a slightly panicked expression to her face.

“Oh, you hypocrite,” complained Remus, still grinning from cheek to cheek.

“Hey, Fawley? Did I mention I despise you?” Regulus muttered, pulling away from the other boy to face his best friend.

“On multiple occasions, now... believe it or not, we have better things to do.”

“Fine, what’s the plan?” asked Regulus, pulling a hand through his dark curls, that once again were growing long and reminding her of his brother.

“I’m going to get him a fair trial. We’ll need paperwork and witnesses, and… eventually I’ll need both of you to make statements. But in the meantime, do you think you can find out where they took Harry? I just… Sirius is his godfather and I feel like they would…”

“FUCK!” Remus exclaimed, interrupting Aurelia’s emotional display in a chaotic manner.

“The goddamn CAT! Lily is- Lily would kill me! I… I have to go find the bloody cat. Harry is at his aunt’s; I’ll check on him later today. Is that- Can I?”

“Go ahead, get the cat, Remus,” the girl responded, shaking her head with a small laugh – the first one since she had heard all the terrifying news.

“I’ll go with you!” exclaimed Regulus, instantly getting up from his seat to follow the other boy to the floo.

“Right, don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine on my own,” Aurelia yelled after her friends with a chuckle, hearing the fireplace roar as they left the apartment still and silent again, empty with the absence of Sirius Black.


End file.
